A Journey of Worth: Day 20

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

If you are to be your Self in the world, you must be for others as well as yourself. There is no other.

Be willing to receive the Infinite Love of All. Be willing to understand how to rise above the struggles and pains of the world. Be willing to rise again and again with each call for help, each outstretched hand. Be willing to be the one to choose to change. Offer your pain, suffering, guilt, and blame up for transformation, into the light of Love that you may see and give only the light of Love always.

Sharing

I had a first glimmer of understanding today, and can share just a few thoughts about what that means now. It may be an over-used metaphor, but…here goes: understanding is like a puzzle coming together. I have these pieces—in this case they are life-experiences and thoughts that, as I now look at them within the context of “worthy” they fit together in a way that makes sense in a way they have never made sense.

So, continuing the metaphor, some parts of the puzzle (my life experience) look like a barn, other pieces came together as a tree, a hill, a bush, and a bird. Each of these things made sense in my life individually: I know what a bird is; I know what a barn is, etc., but now…now that I look at them all together and in context of each other, I see a new picture. The barn is in relation to  the bird, in relation to the tree, in relation to the hill. They are not separate pictures—they make up a landscape that gives me a different perspective of the individual pieces.

That’s sort of what understanding means.

In the context of worthy, here are the pieces that comprise my new landscape, the real pieces of my life’s puzzle:

  1. Learning Reiki while I was in college, and with it—thanks to an amazing teacher—a thought system about healing, giving, and integrity.
  2. Working for the USDA Forest Service and inadvertently doing the spiritual practices of earth (hard labor, hiking), air (fresh air, breathing while hiking), water (bathing in mountain lakes, streams and natural hot springs), and fire (sitting with a campfire almost every night). Somehow, there was a deep (non-intellectual) understanding that these things did something, that brought me joy and lightness.
  3. Meeting Leonard Orr who taught (teaches) spiritual practices of earth, air, water, fire, prayer, and loving community—and being able to understand intellectually the benefits of spiritual practices, and choose to do them consciously rather than just as part of my job!
  4. Doing spiritual practices with the thought “I need to do this to open the way for others to feel the light and joy of life”. Leonard says, “the greatest gift that you can give humanity is the purity of your own presence.” I took that to mean two things: first, when you lighten yourself and purify mind, body, emotions, then what you are able to give to others is more pure, more loving, more kind—with less effort, too! And second that as you become more pure you are clearing out the dross in a way that will help others to clear out their own dross—you make it easier for them, just by doing it for yourself (that’s part of the whole Oneness thing: even when I am “doing it” for myself, I am “doing it” for you.)
  5. Coming to the realization that I really do want to serve that which is Divine and Holy in the highest way possible (and there is still a part of me that just shakes my head at myself!).
  6. Feeling so incredibly small and insignificant and unworthy to even be able to think that I could do number 5.

These six things have taken place over a period of 25 years. Each of them made sense as a time in my life, and each, in many ways, evolved out of the previous one.

But now, as I look at them together, in the context of this Journey of Worth, I see that my obstructions (that I have been talking about so far, the resistance, avoidance, dross…) to worthiness have to do with feeling insignificant “in the face of God”, so to speak.

I mean… really… I write about Infinite Love, Unity, Oneness, rising above, transformation…who am I to represent Infinite Love? To tout Oneness and Unity? Who am I to serve that which is Divine and Holy?

I’m just me. What can I do? What do I have to offer? How can I help?

So you see, there is a disconnect between what I truly want (love, joy, Unity, Oneness, etc.) and my thoughts about my worth in having/giving those, in attaining those, in sharing them. The gap between these (the thought and its attainment) has been the rift causing the dross, the chaff. Now I understand that.

It may take a while, but awareness does move and shift into understanding sooner or later. Then this understanding becomes a piece of the puzzle for the next layer of awareness and understanding.

A Journey of Worth: Day 19

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

Extend the Love that you are, for that is all you truly are. As you learn to be aware, to understand and to Know your own will as Love, and make choices according to that will, your life experiences become worthy of you. Expressing your Self that is wholly Love and United with All is the only choice that is worthwhile. It is the only thing that brings you satisfaction, the only choice that allows you to experience your Self—the Love that you are. Your -my- our- freedom depends on your right choices, depends on you to choose what is worthy and what is not; it depends on you, depends on me, depends on us.

Sharing

It seems much of this Journey of Worth—of worthiness, really—has much to do with how I think of myself (or my Self). It is about not settling for less than who I am, not settling for less than what is worthy of who I am, and recognizing myself as Love, living my Self as Love, and expressing myself as Love. That is the only thing that is worthy of me. When I deny that at any point something less-than becomes the experience. Somehow I know that so I feel let down or disappointed. But I’m the only one who has let me down. I disappoint myself by not choosing Love in the first place. And I am the only one who can choose differently.

A Journey of Worth: Day 18

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

You are worth the effort it requires to move your mind to Love. You are worth the time of waiting, in patience, for Knowing to arrive. Every moment, every second that you open to simply being willing to allow Love to enter is a moment offered to Eternity; a moment offered to healing, a moment offered to Unity.

Love does not announce itself with trumpets and cymbals. It simply settles slowly, quietly, gently, beyond sense-perception. You must wait in patience and take the effort to move your mind to join the quiet stillness of Love. Just rest.  Be at Peace. It is all you want and need.

Sharing

Even when I am tired, I am worth the time and effort that it requires to move my mind to Love. Even when I am thoughtless, I am worth the time and effort to move my mind to Love. Even when I am bereft of feeling of any kind, I am worth the time and effort. At any time, at all times, Love will enter with my invitation. I must first be willing to accept myself in any state of mind to know that Love will enter. Love waits for me. It is always there, always with me, always ready for me. Sometimes I am just not ready for it, but that is what this is about…being ready for it.

The “me” that has to think about being worth Love is not the Me of my Self, anyway. The me of my Self always knows I am worth it.

A Journey of Worth: Day 17

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

Claim who you are, the essence of your Self, established in and by Love. Your Self shines with the strength, beauty, and power of its essence, Love. As you open to your Self, accept your Self, and Love your Self, the Life of Unity infuses all your activity and transforms your consciousness. Life as your Self renews your Joy and restores your trust in it.

Sharing

In the guiding thoughts of this, and the previous Journey (of Purpose), I use the words, “to be aware, to understand, and to know…” fairly regularly. These words, to me, encapsulate the concept of what a Consciousness Journey is, what the purpose is. Knowing with certainty is where I want my consciousness to be—Knowing Love, Knowing Unity, Knowing Peace. That’s what this is about—getting there, where there is no doubt, no fear, no question, just the certainty (Knowing) of Love living as me. I’m not there yet (thus, journeys!).

Awareness is the first step. I’ve been at “awareness” so far for much of this journey. It’s the beginning of separating the chaff from the wheat, heating the metal to remove the dross. Awareness can be scary because you begin to see the junk in your thoughts, in your mind; you begin to see what you really think. For example, this Guiding Thought is about claiming who you are—Love as your essence. This is what I want to believe; this is what I do believe…but…as I think about claiming my Self as Love as I go through the Guiding Thought, it feels flimsy, vaporous, like a light breeze will shake the foundation. My mind wanders; it does not want to focus. It avoids thinking about the Guiding Thought—it does not want to “hear” this as truth. This is a clue that there is resistance in my consciousness to moving forward. There is resistance that needs to be shifted and healed. The goal is Knowledge: resistance stands in its way. If I am to move forward to Knowledge, I must continue to LOOK at my resistance, to look at what is inhibiting me. So far, it does not even have a name; it has not been exposed enough that I can even identify it as something, just avoidance and resistance. And so I must continue…

Understanding is the next step. As I am still learning awareness, I can’t speak to understanding on this journey yet. I have experienced understanding in other ways. But, on this journey… there seems to be a LOT of resistance I need to get through before I reach any understanding what so ever. Understanding comes when the naming comes, when I have identified a thought or experience that has set in my mind the reinforcement of feelings of separation or feeling uncared-for, overlooked, or unheard; or–especially on this journey– of feeling worthless, useless, or unimportant. There is something there: the resistance and avoidance tells me so. What it is, I don’t know…but…the journey continues.  I am committed to Knowing sooner or later!

A Journey of Worth: Day 16

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

We are ALL One. You are not alone. Alone becomes All One in Unity and Healing. You are that I am that we become together. There is no separation—we mend the pieces: At One there are no limits, at One there are no boundaries. At One you are free—with me.

Sharing

The part of the Guiding Thought I felt most intensely was “you are that I am that we become together”. In the visualizing of this part of the thought, it was humbling to have a teacher, guru, wise-person say to me, “you are that I am”; in other words, my wise-teacher could not be who and what he is without me being who and what I am. It felt very powerful that I matter to his existence, that he depends on me, and we depend on each other. The relationship is mutual, reciprocal, intertwined, and beyond all of those in freedom and oneness.

There have been several days of this in which there has been a recurring theme of clearing out the dross of the bombardment and entanglement of this world. I have almost been feeling guilty because I have felt so insecure and uncertain during this journey, or-at least-it seems like I have been.

But, I realized today, in order for me to move on, I must clear the dross. I must bring it to the surface—and that means exposing it, facing it, allowing it to come up. That insecurity and uncertainty is the dross and I have to see it and experience it in order to move and remove it. As long as I don’t stay stuck in the dross, as long as I keep moving it, as long as I don’t believe in it, it’s all part of the healing, growing, and progression.

It may take more journeys like this to get it all, but that is why I have journeys. The journey doesn’t end…until it does.

A Journey of Worth: Day 15

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

There is only one Will. That Will is Love. That Will is your Love, my Love, our Love, together. Only when you will in Love is the outcome assured in Love. Only when you will in Love do you know the results are truly beneficial to all, including yourself. Only when you will with Love are you Free and can affirm with certainty “All is as it should be”.

Sharing

Much of today I used the mantra “Thy Will be done”. Now, after contemplating the Guiding Thought, I am thinking, “Love’s Will be done”…which kind of sounds like “Love Will be done”, as though Love is an action that with the right frame of mind will be done—will be done—certainly, not with any wishy-washy hopefulness, but Love WILL be done. Also, Love will be DONE, as in it will be complete, finished, done… it already is, of course, but the experience of Love will come full circle. Love Will be done.

In any action, with every action, irrespective of where it originated or whose will I think it may be, Love is accomplished. In the mind of Love, there is only Love. The one Will which is Love produces only Love.

In order to experience the Love that Love produces in life activity, I must originate the will of Love within myself (which is easy and natural, because it is what I am). Only when I will in Love am I on the same playing field (so to speak) as Love. I must be aligned with Love to produce Love in my life activity. When I do not will with Love, Love still produces Love. I just don’t experience it, because I have removed myself from Love’s playing field.

A Journey of Worth: Day 14

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

Your worth is inestimable, beyond compare!

Always know you always have everything to give—as such, you may always give freely! Know your worth! Give it! Give it freely! Know in the giving!

As you give, you learn; allow Joy and Peace to lead and to guide you. Follow willingly because you know: Where there is Joy and Peace, there is Love; where there is Love, you are; where you are, you are giving your inestimable worth.

Sharing

What is the answer? Just give. Are you in doubt? Just give. Is there uncertainty? Just give. Give because you have. Give because it answers all. Giving is the only answer, because anything else is proving the opposite of the truth. With-holding only confirms scarcity and lack, and is caused by a paucity of consciousness, not of fact or Truth. In Giving is the learning, is the proving of the only answer that there is: that you were established in infinite Love, that infinite Love is all there is to give. Give because you know your Self, and are certain of your Truth within.

If you fear that you have nothing to give, then there is just a learning gap. We are not taught to give Love; we are not taught to give endlessly; we are taught that if we give we lose; we are taught that if we give we are weak and vulnerable because we will not have. All of these may be experienced in the world and it has been the world that has educated us in this way. But now, we are learning something new and not of this world.

It is time to set aside worldly values, worldly worth, and give beyond the world. It’s a learning process. Get away from the world to give what is of real value—Love. It’s not hard—just unfamiliar and unexercised.

A Journey of Worth Day 13

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding thought

You know your Self when your share your Self. As you give your Self, you see your Source returned to you. All that is Whole, all that is Beauty, all that is Holy, reflects back to you in the Joy of Being, in the brilliance of Life, in the Unity of Self. Choose now to share only the Self of Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy, that you may Know your Self as Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy.

Sharing

A Hindu monk and a Christian Monk met one day on the road. The Hindu monk said to the Christian monk, “tell me what is the essence of the teaching of your religion?” The Christian monk said, “The essence of our religion is summed up in the Lord’s prayer. It begins, ‘Our Father…'” But before he could continue, the Hindu monk bent his head and walked away. Ten years later, the Hindu monk sought out the Christian monk and said to him, “I have contemplated your words and I understand! I am ready for my next lesson.”

As I contemplated this guiding thought, and worked at visualizing a wise guide/teacher who was speaking these words to me, I felt more confident in that presence and in being guided, though now, I feel like I am the Hindu monk. It may very well take years and years of contemplation to understand what there is to understand about this statement–or all of these statements, for that matter. I may be guided, but it is slowly, slowly. I am learning for myself the “essence” of the meanings; I am treading water a little bit; I am flailing a bit; but I am not sinking and I am not drowning (though at times I feel in over my head).

This is only day 13–the third day of the second round. It is still rather early in this consciousness journey. My consciousness is just beginning to grasp that I have packed it up, hauled it off (dragged it along) on this journey. My consciousness is still in the dark. Maybe that is for the best; if it knew that I were attempting to evolve it, move it, teach it, have it develop into some “new” thing…it might give me a hard time–retaliate, throw up road blocks, delay my progress. So–slowly! Slowly! Give myself some space, give my consciousness time to get used to the skeleton, the structure, the bare bones….don’t ask too much of it, let it adjust. and move…slowly…onward!

A Journey of Worth Day 12

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

Love yourself for the Truth within you. The Truth within you Knows you for who you are–pure Love, only Love, beyond all valuing of the world. In Love all are equal, for we are One. This is how Truth Knows you—Pure, One, and Free. This is your Truth; this is our Truth; this is the Self of love.

Sharing

How does the Truth within feel internally? What are it’s sensations, where does it live? What is a symbol for this feeling? Asking questions like this focuses your mind on seeking the Truth within. It does not presume anything, or know in advance what to look for. In this way, it opens the mind to finding something, without expectation.

How do the feelings of each of the words differ? What are the nuances that distinguish “Pure” from “Free” from “One”?  How do you symbolize these feelings? What kind of “short cut” can your mind create for itself, a short-hand version of that feeling? You can draw on that symbol, that short-hand to invoke the feeling. Let the association be personal.

How do these things or qualities become externalized? How do you live Purely? How do you show ONeness? How do you interact with your life activities when you are free?

How do you live Love? How do you show Love? How do you interact with your life activities when you are in Love?

Finding the Truth is a journey, like this Journey of Worth–it’s just bigger. Truth is the culmination of a Journey of Love, a Journey of Forgiveness, a Journey of Worth, A Journey of Happiness… and on and on. Finding the truth at the end of the Journey is where we are all headed together.

A Journey of Worth Day 11

Introduction to Round 2If you are following along with the Guiding Thoughts I provide, this introduction is for you (if you are providing your own thoughts, skip down to continue the exercise). We have completed the first 10 days! In the next “round”–the next 10 days– the format will change slightly. In the last round, you were the subject of the meditation: All of the meditations were from the first-person singular, “I”. In this round, we will shift to the second-person singular. Instead of saying, for example, “I have forgotten my Self”, you will now say, “you have forgotten your Self”.

Corresponding to this language shift, your thoughts will also shift from “I” to “you”. Instead of claiming the Truth of You for you, by yourself, someone will claim it for you and give it to you, or you will claim it for someone, and give it to them. There are four options to accomplish this. Use your imagination and creative thinking to “see” the “you” in one of these ways (use what feels right to you, or come up with your own.):

Option 1. Picture yourself in a classroom, at the feet of a guru, talking with a trusted friend, being instructed by a wise teacher, or other such situation in which someone you trust is giving you wise information. In this scenario, that person is speaking the Guiding Thought to you. You are the you of the statement; that person is telling you a truth about yourself, reminding you of something you already know; helping you remember your Self.

Option 2. You are the instructor at the head of a classroom, the guru, the trusted friend, or the wise teacher who is the one speaking to a student, friend, person who needs a reminder. Imagine a friend, a relative, a colleague as that person (or people) you are speaking to. This person seeks your counsel; he needs your wisdom; she needs you to remind her of who she is, what she has forgotten about herself. You are giving him the gift by remembering for him.

Option 2, variations: (a) Instead of giving the meditation phrases to a friend, imagine instead giving it to someone with whom you have conflict or stress. (b) Instead of giving to one person, see a medley of people pass through your screen; “talk” with as many people as you can imagine. (c) Feel your thoughts going out to all people everywhere—people you know, people you don’t know, your town, a village on the other side of the world, anyone, everyone.

Option 3: On the screen of your mind, where you are seeing these images, split the screen, so there are two “sides”. On the first side of your screen imagine Option 1. Take each phrase of the meditation as the listener, the student. Feel it deeply, then shift to the second side of the screen and use Option 2. With each phrase, receive a thought, then immediately give it to someone.

Sharing, sharing, sharing….Let’s do this!

Guiding Thought

You have forgotten your Self. You have forgotten who you are. You have forgotten that you are established in Love and by Love, which is infinite and eternal; therefore, your worth is infinite and eternal.

Seek to remember your Self; choose to remember your Self. Choose to remember who you are, and your infinite worth in Love. Choose to be aware, to understand, and to Know yourself (your Self) as the Love that you are. Choose to share who you are with the world, giving your infinite worth, measured in infinite Love.

Sharing

This has been a harder journey overall than the Journey of Purpose (the first Journey). There is so much that I don’t know, and know that I don’t know. Wasn’t it Socrates who claimed that wisdom lies in knowing that you don’t know? Wasn’t it Jesus who pleaded, “forgive them, Father, for they don’t know what they are doing”? Isn’t ignorance the root of suffering in Buddhist philosophy? Didn’t Nicolas Cusanus, that early Christian mystic, write a book about the Learned Ignorance (De Docta Ignorantia)? I don’t mind being within such a rich tradition of seeking wisdom while acknowledging my own ignorance. It’s only in allowing ignorance to be acknowledged that it has the opportunity to be transformed into wisdom.

Of course, even knowing that doesn’t always help emotionally or mentally when it feels like there is a black hole or void where I think I should know something.

During the first Journey, I felt (and wrote about) the flow. I could feel it, literally, a current, a wave, a movement, a shift through my body, mind, or emotions that reached and grasped, and found something new and light.

Not so with this journey, I feel like I am wrenching wisdom from deep within through layers and layers of ignorance. Everything feels hard, unknown, unfamiliar. There is so much in the way–all the dross that I have written about. I have not been certain at all; I have been feeling much more sensitive in general–feelings of annoyed, wounded, frustrated, overlooked, uncared-for.

When I am on a Journey, everything is part of the Journey. Everything matters, everything is contributing to the evolution of myself to my Self.

But ignorance is such a tough thing to get through. If I don’t know, that means I have doubt, and sometimes I am just spinning (feeling like I am getting nowhere). And if I have doubt, then what gets me through is faith. And, I know through experience that faith does not let me down, that there is a reason and a purpose (ultimately, enlightenment, but for now, I will take just another layer of learning wisdom). I just have to keep going and remember that all of this is healing, and I need to hold that intention and purpose in my mind. That breaks up the doubt and uncertainty; somehow doubt and uncertainty are part of what needs to be released, burned off, let go, on this Journey of Worth.

Why am I telling you this? Why do I share the doubt, share my ignorance? …because there is a long tradition in learning to get through ignorance and doubt to certainty, Knowledge, and wisdom. But first you have to feel the doubt–and that can be scary. In a world that is full of information, where there is an answer on every webpage, when you appear silly or stupid because you just don’t know, or don’t have an answer… it can be hard to embrace ignorance. It can be hard to allow yourself to feel it in order to let it go. So, here I am: admitting my ignorance, admitting my uncertainty, working through it for myself for you to witness and perhaps feel encouraged to work through your own.