A Journey of Worth: Day 20

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

For more information about this journey see this article . For an introduction, see this article .

Guiding Thought

If you are to be your Self in the world, you must be for others as well as yourself. There is no other.

Be willing to receive the Infinite Love of All. Be willing to understand how to rise above the struggles and pains of the world. Be willing to rise again and again with each call for help, each outstretched hand. Be willing to be the one to choose to change. Offer your pain, suffering, guilt, and blame up for transformation, into the light of Love that you may see and give only the light of Love always.

Sharing

I had a first glimmer of understanding today, and can share just a few thoughts about what that means now. It may be an over-used metaphor, but…here goes: understanding is like a puzzle coming together. I have these pieces—in this case they are life-experiences and thoughts that, as I now look at them within the context of “worthy” they fit together in a way that makes sense in a way they have never made sense.

So, continuing the metaphor, some parts of the puzzle (my life experience) look like a barn, other pieces came together as a tree, a hill, a bush, and a bird. Each of these things made sense in my life individually: I know what a bird is; I know what a barn is, etc., but now…now that I look at them all together and in context of each other, I see a new picture. The barn is in relation to  the bird, in relation to the tree, in relation to the hill. They are not separate pictures—they make up a landscape that gives me a different perspective of the individual pieces.

That’s sort of what understanding means.

In the context of worthy, here are the pieces that comprise my new landscape, the real pieces of my life’s puzzle:

  1. Learning Reiki while I was in college, and with it—thanks to an amazing teacher—a thought system about healing, giving, and integrity.
  2. Working for the USDA Forest Service and inadvertently doing the spiritual practices of earth (hard labor, hiking), air (fresh air, breathing while hiking), water (bathing in mountain lakes, streams and natural hot springs), and fire (sitting with a campfire almost every night). Somehow, there was a deep (non-intellectual) understanding that these things did something, that brought me joy and lightness.
  3. Meeting Leonard Orr who taught (teaches) spiritual practices of earth, air, water, fire, prayer, and loving community—and being able to understand intellectually the benefits of spiritual practices, and choose to do them consciously rather than just as part of my job!
  4. Doing spiritual practices with the thought “I need to do this to open the way for others to feel the light and joy of life”. Leonard says, “the greatest gift that you can give humanity is the purity of your own presence.” I took that to mean two things: first, when you lighten yourself and purify mind, body, emotions, then what you are able to give to others is more pure, more loving, more kind—with less effort, too! And second that as you become more pure you are clearing out the dross in a way that will help others to clear out their own dross—you make it easier for them, just by doing it for yourself (that’s part of the whole Oneness thing: even when I am “doing it” for myself, I am “doing it” for you.)
  5. Coming to the realization that I really do want to serve that which is Divine and Holy in the highest way possible (and there is still a part of me that just shakes my head at myself!).
  6. Feeling so incredibly small and insignificant and unworthy to even be able to think that I could do number 5.

These six things have taken place over a period of 25 years. Each of them made sense as a time in my life, and each, in many ways, evolved out of the previous one.

But now, as I look at them together, in the context of this Journey of Worth, I see that my obstructions (that I have been talking about so far, the resistance, avoidance, dross…) to worthiness have to do with feeling insignificant “in the face of God”, so to speak.

I mean… really… I write about Infinite Love, Unity, Oneness, rising above, transformation…who am I to represent Infinite Love? To tout Oneness and Unity? Who am I to serve that which is Divine and Holy?

I’m just me. What can I do? What do I have to offer? How can I help?

So you see, there is a disconnect between what I truly want (love, joy, Unity, Oneness, etc.) and my thoughts about my worth in having/giving those, in attaining those, in sharing them. The gap between these (the thought and its attainment) has been the rift causing the dross, the chaff. Now I understand that.

It may take a while, but awareness does move and shift into understanding sooner or later. Then this understanding becomes a piece of the puzzle for the next layer of awareness and understanding.

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