The one recurring thought that I had through this Journey was, “I need to do this again”. Throughout this Journey of Healing, I felt myself resist, doubt, and struggle through the tension between learning what healing really is and letting that learning pull me to new understanding and new experiences.
I kept thinking, “This is why I call these ‘A Journey of’…because “A” implies that it is one of many; it is not the one, it is a possibility of one within many.” Each time I take a Journey, it leads me to a vantage point that I did not previously have, from which I can see differently, and from which I can begin a new Journey to a new vantage point.
One of the “problems” that I experienced in this Journey was coming to terms with how little I know –even though that was a main component of the beginning of each round. “I” want to think I am pretty well along in my thoughts and understanding of how “life” works—after all, I am an adult! I have a good education! I am financially solvent! I am responsible! I have a good head on my shoulders! Yet, for all that, in the face of Infinity, Eternity, and/or the Wholeness of Divine Love…I know SO little. So, I really struggled with all I think I know, versus all I know I have to learn.
It was difficult to look my ignorance in the face and move toward it rather than away from it. The real learning lies in the depths of admitting how little I know, so I can learn of infinity, rather than remaining on of the surface of my past learning.
Being aware of limitations is a first step to transforming them. But looking at and acknowledging limitations can be very humbling, scary, embarrassing. Fortunately, this is an inward Journey and no one else needs to see your struggles; I share mine (which are often humbling, scary, and embarrassing) so you can be encouraged to view and transform your own.
I don’t know how much I have healed on this Journey. I don’t know how far my consciousness has advanced. I just kind of feel different, yet after 40 days, I know somehow I am changed. I have a new vantage point, yet remain still so ignorant of the Whole, and I feel that too. I am closer both to my goal of Oneness/Wholeness and to knowing how far I am from it.
More than anything I am aware of, what this Journey has “accomplished” is to strengthen my resolve to further my consciousness training. I want to Know Wholeness, Oneness, Truth, Unity, and Freedom. I say this and I say this and now I say it again, after these 40 days, and somehow it is deeper, with greater commitment, with greater tenacity. My thoughts about wanting to Know resonate differently within me; they have more urgency, more persistence; they want more, they demand more.
With my greater commitment, comes also greater worry. Am I up for this? Who am I to want to Know so much that seems so much bigger than “me”? Am I good enough? Am I worthy? Who am I to seek Divine Love? These questions and doubts reinforce how much I need to continue to move forward, advancing my consciousness, training my mind.
So I begin anew, because I have all I seek; I am all I seek, I just need to Know and accept it.
Since we are only free together, if I do not move forward toward our Infinity, toward our Wholeness, toward our Freedom, I am holding you back. And I want your Freedom, your Happiness, your Joy which we share together, equally with All.
On December 31, I will be publishing the preliminaries to the next Journey (overview, statement of commitment, statement of dedication). On January 2, 2014 I will begin the next Journey—A Journey of Purpose. See you then!