Getting through it. A Journey of Purpose: Day 18

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Today, erase all you think you know of your Inner Divine Mind. You are changing. You are changed. All is new. With a blank slate of pure luminescence; wait, simply feeling your inner glow.

Transformation!

Remember that you want this. Invite this. Welcome this!

Allow yourself to change, to become more attuned to your Self, more aligned with your Self, and more congruent with your Highest Purpose.

As you wait and watch your Highest Purpose appear in your activities as people and circumstances, breathe, smile, and live.

 

Today’s consciousness journey was rough. I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere, and I felt it in my meditation time. Here is a portion of what I wrote: “How can people trust me –trust what I write—if I am here, gloomy, impatient, frustrated? I feel a sliver of hopelessness. What can I say to people who feel this way? …I find myself trying to console myself by saying things like, ‘you have a lifetime of old habits you are transforming;’ ‘it doesn’t happen overnight;’ ‘You are changing;’ ‘The You of you trusts that.’“

And my entire 30 minutes of meditation went on like that. There was no relief, no shift, no ah-ha. I felt defeated. Aren’t I supposed to blast through this stuff? Isn’t every moment supposed to bring new insights, new awareness, change, and transformation?

No.

I have not figured it all out. But I have experienced enough to know that this is part of it. It’s like my brain is resting, or waiting, or not ready yet to move on, or…something else. But I trust that everything moves in its right time. When this happens, you would think that I would be able to be more patient with myself, knowing this. But I am not that either sometimes. So, I can only laugh at myself “and shake my head, as if to say, ‘you silly soul to act this way!’”*

After my meditation, I drove to work. On the drive, I had some good thoughts! YAY! Stuff was moving. It felt good; it felt like the down-time of the morning meditation made way for progress.

Then, later, a friend of mine, who is on this journey with me, said to me, “My heart races and I am scared shitless. This feels like it is happening. For the past week, everyone I talk with about my project offers to help in some way. There is now no way I can’t move forward; I can’t just say ‘no’ to people who offer to help me. It’s such a big responsibility! It feels like all the dominoes are just lining up, waiting for that one final flick that sends them all cascading.”

This work can be hard. We are changing how we think about what is possible. If you’re feeling stuck today, or any day, you are not alone. If you go through bouts of hopeless, helpless, or frustration, you are not alone. As my friend notes with the dominoes, you are now lining up for what you are becoming. There are things within you that are not lined up yet; things that are still working themselves through/out. BUT! They are lining up!

I tell you what I tell myself when I feel this way: persist!  Get through it. The longer it takes to set up the dominoes, the more exciting the cascade. If you stop now, if you give in, you remain stuck, and it’s harder to get past this point in the future. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Just breathe, smile and keep on!

*OLD SUSAN, by Walter de la Mare

WHEN Susan’s work was done, she’d sit

With one fat guttering candle lit,

And window opened wide to win

The sweet night air to enter in;

There, with a thumb to keep her place

She’d read, with stern and wrinkled face.

Her mild eyes gliding very slow

Across the letters to and fro,

While wagged the guttering candle flame

In the wind that through the window came.

And sometimes in the silence she

Would mumble a sentence audibly,

Or shake her head as if to say,

‘You silly souls, to act this way!’

And never a sound from night I’d hear,

Unless some far-off cock crowed clear;

Or her old shuffling thumb should turn

Another page; and rapt and stern,

Through her great glasses bent on me

She’d glance into reality;

And shake her round old silvery head,

With—’You!—I thought you was in bed!’—

Only to tilt her book again,

And rooted in Romance remain.

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