Breaking up with old habits. A Journey of Purpose: Day 39

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for

I am. I am Love. I am kindness. I am filled-full. I have all I seek, for all I seek is within me. Now I can be who I know I am. I share my Self with all and hold nothing back; I give All Love. The Fullness of my Self returns to me as every form, person, situation, circumstance, and event that renews my fullness. I need not worry or think about what may be…my Self Knows and orders my life for my perfect fulfillment. All I need do is remember my Self…and smile, and breathe, and live.

I began doing these readings/writings with the stipulation it should be done once per day for a minimum of 5 minutes, preferably 15, then I would write what comes to me. I have followed this. My reading/thinking on the Guiding Thought averages about 20 – 25 minutes.  The writing averages about the same.

According to one school of thought, when conditioning or training the mind, it’s best to do an “exercise” at the same time every day. I have, in the past, adhered to this school of thought. It creates a rhythm, a flow, and an expectation within my consciousness that underpins my sincerity, my commitment. I understand this way of thinking, and most of the time, feel as though (for me) having a consistent time is most beneficial. Most days I wake up, make coffee, and spend about an hour in contemplative thought and writing.

But for this journey, since I stipulated only that it be done once per day, without a specific time-of-day commitment, a few days I have waited until the evening. I have learned some new lessons from this.

First, I now wonder about the prudence in sticking to one specific time of day. A habit is a habit; a rut is a rut; a pattern is a pattern: what patterns, ruts, and habits am I encouraging in myself when I commit to doing something at the same time every day, even if it is expanding my consciousness? Isn’t that a bit of an irony? “Expand your consciousness, but only do it at this time.” Intentional or not, I am setting up a pattern of limitation within my mind. It’s not that I can’t expand my consciousness at other times, but my mind is not thinking about doing it at other times. It’s like the difference between running on a treadmill and running over terrain. On a treadmill, I know what to expect with each step; over terrain, I must be prepared for each step to be different and adjust my balance, my footing, my pace, my landing with each step. I want my consciousness to be trained to be prepared for whatever comes along—not just doing what is expected of it.

Second, I have learned that my brain-response is different in the evenings. I am a reasonably intellectual person who must strive to merge and unite feelings, imagination, and creativity with logic and rationality (it’s not a difficult thing, but I must pay attention to the balance). I know of other people who are reasonably creative, feeling, and imaginative who must strive (if they want it) to pay attention to the balance of logic and rationality. Mornings, when I have just woken up, I am most easily closest to the feeling of things—I feel easier, I visualize easier; my heart and mind open to the unity of life more easily. So when I did the Guiding Thoughts in the evenings and they were more logical, more rational, I had some doubts about whether or not I was doing it “right”.  At one point, I note:

“Now, after having gone through the day, my brain being turned ON, my thoughts are harder to focus, harder to calm down. When I think about the flow, I am able to see it, but it’s more like being an observer than a participant. Am I cheating? Am I copping out? Am I slacking? Do I need to think about why this is happening? Do I need to change my focus? Or is this all just fine and part of it?”

I finally decided this is just “part of it”.  This is expansion. This is another aspect of how I relate to myself and my thoughts. This is another lesson in being willing to be attuned to my purpose in any frame of mind. This is breaking out of a habit, acclimatizing myself to a different layer, experiencing myself as infinite in a new way. With this new understanding, I smiled and breathed relief and acceptance…and went forward in life.

2 thoughts on “Breaking up with old habits. A Journey of Purpose: Day 39

  1. Hi Susan, I met you at NJ pride. Loved the free hugs. Its nice to read something that I have believe and live. So rarely do I find someone as bold as I am with love for humanity and all contained within this planet. Do you have workshops, dinners, or meetups


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