A Journey of Purpose: Afterword

So often over the past 50 days I have thought a lot about “letting go”.  After making a decision to move forward in anything, there is at least a tacit internal agreement to leave something behind. A Journey of Purpose began with a strong commitment and conscious decision to move forward, to accept my highest purpose, and to live to the best of my ability in alignment with that purpose. At the beginning, I didn’t think about what I would need to leave behind to fulfill this commitment.

Moving forward means changing; changing means dropping things (habits, emotions, behaviors, beliefs), transforming things (ideas, thoughts, behaviors), or promoting/enhancing things (the new ideas, habits, and emotions that are being cultivated).

There is a tension between the old and the new. What no longer fits with where it is you are going? What if I like that part of me, that thing that I may need to leave behind? What about this idea that I have had for the longest time—I need to change it?!? How do I allow Divine Mind through when that jerk cuts me off?

There is one thing in particular for me that has been very difficult to think about leaving behind. It was something that I have for many years been very attached to, something I have given my heart to, something that I have cultivated and cared for, something that I built into part of my self-identity (that’s the “little s” self). It was just something that was very, very important to me…but I could feel it no longer fit. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make it fit: maybe if I do…. If only this would happen…. I can put this here and that there and then do this other thing…. But with every scenario, every attempt at figuring it out, I knew none of the outcomes would be right, they just would not fit with where I am going, and who I now want to be. I knew I had to accept that it needed to go. Out. Gone. Buh-bye. I even had to let go of thinking that it might come back (if you love something let it go….)—even that thought was holding me back.

I have a friend who had worked at a company for 20 years, literally starting at the bottom and working her way to the top. She did the equivalent of building a local empire, of which she was the benevolent and democratic ruler. Her subject-employees loved her. In a period of two years, after what could be described as a “buy-out”, her empire was dismantled around her and she was demoted in practice, though not title. It was only a matter of time before she resigned.  I thought about this friend and the forced-need to let go, and I thought of the Rudyard Kipling poem If: “if you can watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build them up with worn out tools…”

The similarity between my friend and me is that we each gave our hearts to something that was important to us; we cared for and nurtured their growth. The difference is that I have a choice to let go; she did not.

I wonder: which is harder?

On the one hand if I choose to let go, I feel almost despairing, like I am abandoning this thing that is part of myself, something I have raised and “given life” to. I love it! I don’t want to let it go! But on the other hand, if staying made me miserable and I had to watch the destruction of something I loved, as my friend did, that would be pretty hard too.

I believe that people are all aspiring. We all aspire to Love. We all aspire to be happy. We all aspire to relax and trust life. So Love pulls us to itself. Life wraps us in its current. Love and Life want us to be happy, and they try to take us there, by pulling and wrapping and moving us. Sometimes we have a choice, sometimes we don’t.

There are infinite ways to cooperate with Life and Love; there are infinite ways to aspire!  There is no one way, there is no right way. Everyone has a Purpose. Just keep going. Live Life! Love! 

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