I confess: I don’t know how fulfillment feels. At a very basic level this is why I am doing a Journey of Fulfillment. In fact, at the moment, I’m not even sure what fulfillment IS.
This is very unlike the first three Journeys—a Journey of Purpose, a Journey of Healing, and a Journey of Worth—because with those, at least I know (and knew in advance) something about purpose, healing, and worth. Those Journeys were to deepen, broaden, expand, get me more in touch with qualities that were already familiar.
Fulfillment feels unfamiliar. And I feel embarrassed admitting it.
In the previous journeys, I approached from a place of “I have forgotten”—indicating that at least I knew, or had learned, at some point. With fulfillment, I don’t even feel like I’ve learned it—so it’s not as “simple” as just remembering. It’s more like building from scratch… no, it’s more like collecting the raw materials, forging them into something useful, figuring out how they fit together then building from scratch.
And that’s kind of exciting! What is the outcome…what am I building? I am now looking forward to how this journey turns out!
In the spirit of collecting raw materials…what is fulfillment?
The two things that come to mind are babies and the Peace Corps. Mothers (so I’ve heard) say that having children is a fulfilling experience; people who do humanitarian work seem to find great fulfillment in it.
From these, I gather that fulfillment is more than mere satisfaction, but it includes satisfaction. It also seems to be directly associated with an experience, which raises the question: is it the experience that produces fulfillment? Or is it a quality the individual brings to the experience that simply becomes expressed in the experience? Or is fulfillment in and of itself—not experience or quality? Or is it something else altogether different?
‘Cause here’s the thing: I don’t want my fulfillment to be contingent on, reliant on, dependent upon some external factor—a situation, another person, a job, etc. I do want Fulfillment to be. Fully. I want my entire consciousness to Know the Truth of being Fulfilled, of being whole, and therefore encounter every experience or person from an internal knowingness of my own (and everyone’s) total-perfect-completion.
Wow. Where did that come from? Maybe I have a better idea of what fulfillment means to me than I thought.
Maybe these two verses (which I play in my head wondering what they mean, which I have done for years) have finally started teaching me about themselves (of course… it’s really me, ready to listen):
1) From Psalm 23, “my cup runneth over”
2) From the invocation of the Isha Upanishad, “This is full, that is full. From fullness comes fullness. Take away from fullness, fullness remains.”
I have thought, “What does it mean for ‘my cup to runneth over’?” “How does that work?” “What do I need to do for my own cup to overrun?”
Think about that! King David was so FILLED that he poured out blessings on his enemies, and his cup ran over. I just picture him full of love and kindness and good will; the presence of his enemies did not even faze him…and he had more to give! And it was so real and certain within him that he knew he would feel this way all the days of his life.
That’s what I’m talking about. How do I do that?
And then, the Upanishads…there are many translations of this verse. Some use the word “infinite”, others the word “total”, still others the word “complete”, but they all convey a sense of both expansion and indestructibility. “From fullness comes fullness”—in other words, when fullness gives of itself, what it gives is equal to itself. The sharing of itself produces only more of the same—fullness. “Take away from fullness, fullness remains”—in other words fullness is never diminished. Even if something is done to try to reduce or destroy fullness, it can’t be done. Someone (anyone) could take and take and take and take and fullness remains to give and give and give.
This means…there is only fullness. If I’ve experienced or perceived anything less than fullness, I’ve been mistaken. I have mis-conceived. (AaaaHHHH-HHHHHaaaaaa! Understanding just entered my little mind! That’s why this is a consciousness Journey!)
It’s not that I have forgotten. It’s that I have been mistaken. I have -. Now I can move forward. I can begin to change my perception.
“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”