Still the Uncertainty. A Journey of Fulfillment: Day 06

Copyright Tam Black 2014 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2014
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Why would I choose to limit my Self? Or choose to limit my reality? All of reality is mine, and mine to give! In giving and sharing, my joy increases, expanding my Love, expanding Life!

 

Here we are at day 06…and uncertainty, doubt, and fear have shown up. They do, you know….show up. Fortunately, I’m familiar enough with these (and thankful that I am) that I was able to recognize them. They still threw me into a spin though.

The core thoughts were:

Uncertainty: “I don’t know what I am doing.” “What am I doing?”

Doubt: “This isn’t doing anything…” “I’m not doing anything…” “What good is this? Am I?”

Fear: “Nothing is changing!” “I don’t feel any different!” “I have to change; I have to do more, be more…”

>Shhhhhhhhhhhhh<

I am always thankful and relieved when I get to the other side of these thoughts, like voices in my head, goading, chiding, belittling me. But until I do, until I can just tell them to be quiet, “be still”, I feel worked up and spinning.

I fasted for day 06, ingesting only liquids, no solid foods. Fasting is one of the tools I use to get from one side of thoughts like these to the other side. It wasn’t actually intentional to fast because of my mind’s goading over-activity; I had planned to fast not knowing these emotions were going to show up. But I am glad it worked out like that. Fasting is a very “lifting” experience; it really helps to clear my mind and emotions…or maybe I am just too busy thinking about how hungry I am to pay much attention to my uncertainty, doubt, and fear. Sometimes contemplation only gets me so far, before it becomes part of the spinning itself. The mind can’t always control the mind. That’s where the physical practices come in really handy.

I still feel raw and exposed, and even still feel some uncertainty, but overlaying this is assurance: I am where I need to be and everything is okay.

 

 

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