Your Self wills to create. Your Fulfillment is Creation.
Your Self wills to share. Your Joy is Sharing.
Your Self wills to extend itself. Your Peace is extension.
I try to think on this. I feel distracted. These affirmations that allude to Oneness and One Will feel distant, out of reach.
My mind is orbiting the earth, while I am trying to think about the guiding thought.
I think, “How can anything good come of this?” “How can I say anything meaningful about this?” “Being pre-occupied is not being a good role model.”
But, being real is being a good role model. Being “where I am”, where ever that is, on this Journey is why I am here, laid bare and honest about the struggle to connect with the Truth of my Self.
Sometimes I’m not ready for this, but I work on it and keep going. Lots of times I don’t understand, but I keep going.
Deep down, I know it’s OK. I know that if I struggle with distractions and preoccupation, other people do too. That’s why it’s up to me to keep going and figure it out.
When I recognize some hindrance, then share what I do about it, my hope is that if you come up against your own blocks you might be able to approach them in a new way, and not get as bogged down as you might have otherwise.
Here is what I am doing about it:
- First [defining the problem to the best of my ability]: I feel disconnected from the Truth of my Self. I could try to figure out how I got here—what did I do or not do that created this feeling of separation? But: that would not be very productive. What I want is the remedy. I want to solve the problem.
2(a). What solves the problem? That’s easy: Love. And, in a way, this also answers the question, “how did I get here?” I thought-or-did-or-willed something unloving. As I look back over my day, I can confirm: there was one situation that I kept thinking about angrily, feeling used, abused, and disrespected.
2(b). Since it’s not always easy to just shift into the solution (love), I’m taking a moment to forgive myself for feeling angry, used, abused, and disrespected, and also take a moment to forgive the person/people/situation that brought about those feelings. I may need to do this several times until I am clear. In the meantime, I can move on…
3. Be open to the solution, and be willing to accept it. The concept of the solution is easy, “just love”. But actually doing it? Why is that hard? Sometimes it is for me, anyway. Sometimes I think, “I don’t know what love is.” Sometimes I feel, “how does love feel in this situation?”
I don’t want to feel what I think I am supposed to feel; I want to feel what’s real…and I don’t always know what that is.
Most of the time I don’t get there; I don’t get to a place of certainty about Love…and certainly not when I am trying. Most of the time I am just waiting, trying to be open to Truth and True Love. Anger and frustration get in the way, and I don’t like it.
I am reminded of and encouraged by these sentiments, written by Simone Weil, the French philosopher:
Never…is a genuine effort of attention wasted. It always has its effect on the spiritual plane and in consequence on the lower one of the intelligence, for all spiritual light lightens the mind…
But it is certain that this effort will bear its fruit in prayer…Certainties of this kind are experimental. But if we do not believe in them before experiencing them, if at least we do not behave as though we believed in them, we shall never have the experience which leads to such certainties. There is a kind of contradiction here. Above a given level this is the case with all useful knowledge concerning spiritual progress. If we do not regulate our conduct by it before having proved it, if we do not hold on to it for a long time only by faith, a faith at first stormy and without light, we shall never transform it into certainty. (Weil, Simone. Waiting on God. Translated by Emma Craufurd. Collins-Fontana Books, 1973. P. 67-68)
In other words, every effort I make on a “higher level” bears fruit on the lower level. But, I need to act in accordance with my intention, even if I am not seeing results, or if I am not experiencing things the way I think I should. When I do (act in accordance with my intention) the effort will strengthen my faith in the “higher level” and vice versa—the ensuing faith will strengthen my effort.