Journey of the Heart – Day 12

We are on Round 2 of our Journey! For those of you new to this, there are 10 Guiding Thoughts, which we repeat in four rounds, for a total of 40 days. With this round, instead of hearing the guiding thoughts in the first person, the subject of the Guiding Thought will be “you”. For example, instead of saying, “My heart knows how to love”, we will be saying, “Your heart knows how to love.”  (For further explanation see Journey of the Heart – Day 11)

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Spend about 15-20 minutes with the guiding thought, and then let your heart speak through words, pictures, colors, shapes, whatever feels right. I’ve supplied a link below to an audio of me doing the guiding thought–use it if you like to create, while listening to it play on a loop (that’s what I do). Scroll to the bottom for my sharing…

Day 12 Guiding Thought

Today, decide to give your heart reign.

Trusting in love, assured with its gentle comfort, invite your heart to lead you with joy and peace to joy and peace.

Surrender your mind and will to your heart’s love.

Click here to access the audio file.

You can download this and play it in a loop while you allow your heart to speak to you 🙂   I suggest Windows Media Player (I have not tested other players).

 

Journey of the Heart - Day 12 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls
Journey of the Heart – Day 12
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

I must confess. After doing this today, I was a mess. My loving partner reminded me that at some point early in every Journey, I always become a mess. Here is how that conversation went:

ARealMess

I don’t know if it comes out in that conversation, but I was practically at a point of panic. Total. Irrational. Panic. For really no other reason than my mind was just out of control; it was spinning and spinning and so afraid that I was screwing everything up.

Today’s Guiding Thought is all about surrender. I knew it as I was doing the drawing/coloring. In the picture, I am in a supine position, which is an open and vulnerable position. Everything about this picture to me says “surrender”—everything being offered up.

I’ve been working on surrender consciously for about 18 months; it actually began with the Journey of Worth which started in September, 2013. Surrender is about accepting and allowing the Divine Will, Divine Love, to express itself through me, as me; living consciously as a Divine individual.

Consciously is the keyword. When things that are of the “higher personality” become more conscious, the “lower personality” becomes weaker, less influential. It can be scary to move away from a personality that has been with me all my life, has been comfortable and likable, and has gotten me here. But now it’s time to evolve, and my lower personality is panicking.

Another part of the panic is that I don’t really know where I am going. What does it mean to allow Divine Will to express itself through me as me? I mean… really…. what does that mean? How is that experienced? How do I know?

Also, I don’t really know how to surrender. I mean… I do my practices. I breathe. I do mantra. Today I started using “Into thy hands I commend my spirit” as my mantra, because if anything conveys surrender, that surely does. But I feel like I am feeling around in the dark. If those words worked for Jesus, does that mean they will work for me? And if they do, how will I know? What would my experience of complete surrender be?

I spent a good part of the day today apologizing to God. “I am sorry I am screwing it up.” “I don’t know what to do.” “Please don’t hold it against me that my mind is a complete mess today.” “Help me get through this.”

…I slept. I woke up. I got through it. The Journey continues!