Spur of the Moment Buddhist : Journey of Abundance – Day 39

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Divine abundance expresses infinitely through my own Divine Presence. When I identify with my Divine Presence, I open the floodgates, and Divine abundance flows naturally, easily, and effortlessly through me, materializing all good in my life and affairs.

Sharing

I feel kind of numb today. Numb has elements of feeling indifferent, but I don’t want to feel indifferent. Indifference implies uncaring, and I care very much; thinking I don’t care feels frustrating. What is this?

Yesterday I was so optimistic and creative! I did so much (see here)! And I felt so positive about the Journey, about life, about the future! What changed?

You know what I think part of this is? I think it’s fear that “this doesn’t work” or “what if this doesn’t work.” The Journey is coming to an end, and I want something to happen. I want there to be visible confirmation that I’ve done something.

I also know that this is an attitude that repels the very thing I think I want to happen. It’s always so frustrating to be aware of things I am doing or feeling that I know are in direct contrast to what I know about them. It’s like I just watch myself doing or feeling what I know I want to evolve out of, but there I am, doing it.

Oh my…. Sometimes I can only laugh at myself. This is all part of the process. Recognizing (being aware) is a step in the forward progression and evolution. Laughing at myself feels very healing today.

Buddhism is coming in very handy today, too. It is giving me a framework to understand my thought process and to help me “just let go” (although laughing at myself has already started that!). Here is how:

First – Attachment: Attachment is one of the causes of suffering. People want; people desire; these emotional states cause suffering. As I said above, “I want something to happen.” This is a desire, an attachment.

But I can’t just say, “I want to feel something different” or “I don’t want to feel this attachment anymore,” because all that does is to replace one desire with another, and there is still suffering.

What to do?

Second – Become Mindful, or as I would say, Become Aware: I took this second step when I started writing about how I felt! I didn’t really want to write about feeling numb or frustrated, but that was exactly what I needed to look at, exactly where the emotional disturbance was. I find it uncomfortable to write about my emotional disturbances; it can be really hard to share even the smallest emotional states with people. But I also know that doing so really helps me become aware. And awareness leads to…

Third – Non-attachment is what I experienced going through this process today: Becoming aware set up a new dynamic within myself. Instead of me stewing in my emotions, feeling… feeling… wahhh- wahhh- wahhh…I began to observe myself feeling. The observation aspect was the non-attached part of me. I wasn’t invested in my emotions. I wasn’t wanting them to do something. I wasn’t judging, or thinking… I was just watching.

This set up a lot of the non-attachment qualities that Buddhists talk about when they describe mindfulness. I was simply observing the flow of emotions; I was accepting of whatever they were; I was open to what I was experiencing, I felt compassionate toward myself…as though the emotions were not “me,” but that they were just a distressed state that wanted some compassion.

I continued to feel and to stew but the act of observation instigated a new and different relationship within me, with my emotions. They were in the spotlight! My emotions became very aware of themselves. They didn’t stop, necessarily, but they began to wonder what they were doing, why they were being so dramatic.

Was today a detour? Or was today the Journey? Where does this lead? What is the end? Is there an end? Or does the Journey just continue…infinitely?

 

When Disentangling the Trash is the Journey : Journey of Abundance – Day 38

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My mind and heart focus entirely on the Divine Presence I am. I think, I speak, and I act in accordance with Divine Will, releasing Divine Substance into all my activity and all my financial affairs.

Sharing

One main theme throughout this Journey has been abundance is more than just money (or material things). Abundance is a) personal connection with Inner Divine Presence b) the flow and circulation of ideas, goods, and services within material reality c) allowing Inner Divine Presence to oversee and direct the flow and circulation of ideas, goods, and services in material reality.

Some days of this Journey my mind has concentrated on (a), and I’ve felt (b) and/or (c) to be lacking. But I also know that concentrating on (a) is the only way to assure that (b) happens in the highest (most loving, “right for me”) way possible. Concentrating only on (b) will bring about an invigoration of abundance in material reality (because the mind is always creating what it brings to its attention), but in doing so, one may experience glitches, unexpected (undesired) side effects.

The goal is both to bring the spiritual (Love) to the material (experience), and to bring the material (experience) to the Spiritual (Love). The effort must always be both ways. I must both think and act with Love. I must both evolve my mind toward Love and evolve my actions/situations/circumstances to align with Love.

Every step must align spiritual and material, material and spiritual. There is so much to this! There is waiting and patience. There is appropriate activity. There is disentangling trash I’ve learned that gets in the way. Each of these can feel like a detour, can feel unnecessary, can make me wonder why I am doing or thinking something, because I do not see or understand the immediate relevance.  There are moments of frustration, bewilderment, confusion.

But I think about it this way: The Journey is both forward and upward, and all parts of me must align together in order to take one step both forward and upward. If one part of me is out of alignment, it must be coached into alignment. That is what can feel like a detour—it can feel “lazy” or “complacent” or ambiguous. The other parts are saying, “Come on, come on, let’s go!” while that one part is still learning, still understanding, still evolving. The other parts can feel impatient or frustrated, because they are ready to take the next step…but they have to wait for the “slacker.” J (The “slacker” is of course still doing the work, just not as fast, perhaps, as those other parts might like or recognize.) (Please note that the personality traits I am giving to these parts are for illustration only…)

An example would be: In order to receive and experience all good, I must first feel like I am worthy and deserving of receiving and experiencing all good. My Spirit might be steps ahead on this (both forward and upward), but my emotions are stuck at feeling worthless. On a day of the Journey where this “worthless” feeling is prominent, it feels like a detour; but it is necessary to work through, so that my emotions come closer to what my Spirit already knows. It may take some time; a person with a lot of “worthless-stuckness” could even spend an entire Journey just working through that (goodness knows, I’ve spent a lifetime! And I’m still working through some of it!) …but they would then be that much more “ahead” for the next Journey!

All of this is hindsight. I see all this now because today…today, I feel a step both forward and upward; there has been an alignment. Something is clicking today. The past few days I have felt an ease in connecting with my Inner Divine Presence throughout the day, a natural, un-thinking association with my Self. That has then translated to an ease of loving and kind words and actions, a gentleness and care to all my interactions. I have experienced ease and love and kindness from others. What gifts!

This morning when I woke up, I had ideas. There’s so much I want to do, so much I can do. And I saw it all clearly and practically. Knowing that wealth is more than money, that wealth is ideas, goods, and services, I felt the reality of the Guiding Thought, “releasing Divine Substance into all my activity and all my financial affairs.” I saw connections, sharing, loving relationships…an entire network of wealth flowing and circulating through these ideas, through me. I saw how I can serve others with these ideas, and receive wealth in return; I felt the alignment of Spirit and action; I felt Inner Divine Presence’s guidance; I saw how following that guidance brings about all good, all God.

And I am so very grateful.

On the Importance of Not Following Rabbits : Journey of Abundance – Day 37

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My consciousness is the gateway through which Divine Love flows, materializing my infinite Supply. I am now conscious of my own Inner Divine Presence—Infinite Love—expressing through me, providing me with the means to be aware, to understand, and to know It as my Self– more and more!

Sharing

I have been learning to breathe energy as well as air. The energy is prana, chi, or ki. Breathing energy as well as air is kind of like a parallel experience to these Journeys—they have a lot in common. First, breathing energy as well as air is very natural and easy, like being Divine Love, but stuff gets in the way that first must be cleared out before I can actually feel the ease of breathing energy.

Second, I have to learn to be conscious of the experience of breathing energy, just like I have to learn to be conscious of my own Inner Divine Presence; if I am not conscious of it, it’s like I haven’t experienced it.

Finally, the more I breathe (with or without energy, with or without the consciousness of breathing energy), the more the breath itself teaches me about breathing energy, just like Infinite Love providing me with the means to be aware, to understand, and to know it as my Self.

I became aware of these things today while I was learning to breathe energy. It was like all of a sudden I was seeing myself experiencing the process. I watched the movie “Pacific Rim” the other day: two “pilots” link minds to operate these giant robots (Jaegers) to fight off an invading, advanced alien “dinosaur” race (Kaijus). There is a danger in linking minds with someone else, because if one of the pilots “loses their mind,” it puts them both (and the lives of the people they are fighting to save) at risk. In one scene, one of the pilots falls into a bad memory, losing her mind, following a memory rather than just letting it pass. The other pilot starts yelling, “Don’t follow the rabbit!”—meaning, don’t get lost in those thoughts, don’t follow them; watch them pass, don’t get sucked up and into them.

While I was breathing today, I became aware of “following the rabbit” in my own mind, and part of my mind was yelling at me, “Don’t follow the rabbit!” All of the sudden, I “saw” how following my thoughts completely inhibited the flow of energy, the ease of breathing energy, and the opening of my consciousness.

When I got caught up in following my thought a) my breath paused, like it does when I’m watching a scary movie. I had to remind myself, BREATHE!! This was the interruption of the breathing being natural and easy. b) I realized even though I have been learning to breathe energy for a long time, I haven’t been conscious of it. I realized this, because all of a sudden, I was aware of being conscious in a new way; it was just like I saw and felt it in a way I never had before. c) I realized it was because I have been breathing (and sticking with it) that I was learning something new—the breath itself got me to a greater consciousness of the breath and its energy.

After this very insightful breathing experience, I started the Journey, and then realized I was experiencing the same thing in the Journey as I just experienced with the breathing. a) The Guiding Thoughts keep the mind focused and not “following the rabbit;” the writing clears stuff out, so the Guiding Thoughts can be more prominent in consciousness. b) I have been learning to be conscious of my Divine Love Presence expressing through me, as me. I’ve been more aware of it more and more. c) The Journey itself is providing me with what I need to accomplish the purpose of the Journey: the Journey gives me the tools to do the job (so to say), and the job is getting done.

 

 

And it was Good, so Good! : Journey of Abundance – Day 36

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Increasing my thoughts of Love and my attitude of service dispels all fear of lack and limitation. As I serve more people with Love, money and wealth flow abundantly to me. I use money and wealth with love and wisdom to create a life I love through my highest vision.

Sharing

This guiding thought prompts me to really think about what my highest vision is; what “a life I love” is. While I think about these, I must remind myself that thinking about creating a future does not mean I do not like my present.

I got here, to my present, through thinking and imagining. Yet, I continue to grow and change; the circumstances of my life continue to grow and change. Life moves. I move. I must keep up with life and life must keep up with me. “A man never steps into the same river twice” says Heraclitus. Either the man is different or the river is different, but there is always something different in the flow of life.

If I am here in my current present because of my thoughts and will and intentions of the past, then I will be tomorrow (or the next day and next day) because of the thoughts, will, and intentions of now. Or, in other words, if I am now because of what I was yesterday, then I will be tomorrow because of what I am today.

That’s why it’s in my best interest to be the best that I can now—it will only help my future “me” be able to be more. That’s why every step matters, every drop matters, every effort matters. This is creation. This is doing it.

This is what creation is all about. While we live in a world of matter and time, thoughts, attitudes, and intentions create a material future. As material and spiritual become more in alignment, it takes less “time” for something to be created. When material and spiritual are in perfect alignment, things happen “in the blink of an eye.”

It’s all happening now. Creation is happening now. We are in it, doing it, now. There is no now that does not impact our future. It’s in my best interest to really think about the qualities of “my highest vision,” and to really open to love and wisdom’s guidance. Using money and wealth in a way that follows that guidance ensures that I am demonstrating my acceptance of love and wisdom’s guidance; it demonstrates my commitment, my sincerity, my good will—as the cliché goes, putting my money where my mouth (or in this case heart or mind) is.

This is all very exciting to me. Can you feel it? I don’t know if it’s making much sense with these words, but I am feeling how now impacts the future, and how creation “works.” I wasn’t expecting this today.

It Can Feel a Little Insane : Journey of Abundance – Day 35

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My Inner Divine Love Presence Knows what I need or desire before I do. It is constantly providing me with ideas, material goods, situations, and interactions to fulfill all my needs and desires. I relax and allow the Presence Within to supply me with everything I need.

Sharing

It’s always good for me to remind myself to relax. I am sometimes a little hard on myself…I have some high expectations for myself…I make (un?)reasonable demands on myself…

If you have become at all familiar with Buddhism, you may know there is a regular thought that is often turned into a meditation in Buddhism. It goes something like this: I never know when I am going to die. It could be in a minute; it could be in an hour; it could be tomorrow…or it could be in 20 or 50 years, but I never know. Therefore, it is imperative for me to meditate on my own mortality and practice now. I must practice now, because I may not have the chance in a minute, an hour, or tomorrow. I must do what I can now. This meditation about death is also a path toward harmlessness, embracing “the now,” and accepting change (impermanence).

There is also a well-known Western quote that reflects this sentiment, “I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow-creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again.” (generally attributed to Stephan Grellet, but without source verification)

It’s these types of thoughts (without any specific ideological or dogmatic history) that drive me to be hard on myself, to expect more of myself, to demand of myself always to do better, to be a better person, to strive, to give, and to become more.

But then, there is the other side: Relax. Divine Love Presence Knows what you need, when you need it, and how your best possible good will show up in the world.

This theme is reflected in A Course in Miracles with these words: I need do nothing. In fact, as it goes, according to ACIM, if I try to do something, I am actually opposing God’s Will, countering the “all good” trying to show up in my life, attempting to usurp God’s plan with my little ego-driven wants.

These two “sides” often play in my mind. Most often, the first side dominates, so that I am most often hard on myself, and less often relaxed (or surrendered).

The thing is, I think both are “right.” I think I “must” strive, and I think I “must” surrender. And I do not Know the Truth. So I keep striving…and I keep striving to surrender…and sometimes when I am striving, that of itself is surrendering.

It sounds conflicted. It sounds contradictory. It sounds like a paradox, I know. Fortunately, I like the puzzles of paradox; they are kind of the catch-all of Enlightenment: The One and the many; unity in diversity; being and becoming; infinite and immediate; eternity and time; being in the world, but not of it. One cannot think about (or strive for) enlightenment without encountering such paradoxes. It can feel a little insane, though.

For me, the paradoxes, the apparent conflicts egg me on. There is resolution. There is Oneness. These things fit together, somehow, in a way I do not yet see, do not yet experience. So I work with both “sides” allowing them to draw me closer to the Truth, to Knowing the Oneness inherent in All (even in paradoxes).

Where am I today? …Somewhere in the middle. Doing this Journey is the striving; it is the practice. But while I practice, I surrender and relax.

 

 

 

And Just Like That… : Journey of Abundance – Day 34

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Divine Love is infinite. Therefore, my source and supply are infinite. As I increase my consciousness of my inner Divine-Love Presence as my Source and my Supply, money, wealth, and prosperity increase in my life experience—and I use that money, wealth, and prosperity to fully express my inner Divine-Love Presence.

Sharing

I recently received an amount of money “out of the blue.” It was a gift that was just pure. There were no strings, no expectations, no conditions. I did not have to work for it; I did not do something hoping to get it. It felt good. It’s hard to describe the feeling of “pure,” especially when it comes to money. It felt genuine, sincere—dare I say…loving.

All I could think was, “How do I pass this on?” How do I give (or spend) this money so that this money maintains the purity, integrity, and pleasure that I have received above and beyond the amount? How do I give someone else this experience?

Of course, I’ve been thinking about this incident in the context of this Journey since it happened.

I did do something that precipitated this gift. I returned a lost wallet. It would be easy to see this as a direct cause-effect: I return a wallet; I receive a “reward.” But it was so much more than that! …And “a reward” had nothing to do with why I returned the wallet.

Instead of thinking of direct physical cause-effect, I have been thinking about the energy of it, in the context of this Journey. When I returned the lost wallet, it was done with purity, sincerity, and good will; this was what I embodied in my thoughts and actions, and it happened without any effort on my part. It felt like a direct experience of the Guiding Thought on days 10, 20, 30, and 40: “The Divine Presence of Love is the most natural energy in the world and beyond.” It wasn’t like I was trying to do something loving; I just knew this is what I am doing. And it was right. And it was good.

It seems to me that the type of interaction I experienced is precisely what this Journey sets about to bring to awareness and to experience—the interaction of love, appreciation, good will, purity, and integrity over and above, but through, monetary exchanges. After all, everything in this Journey is about recognizing and sharing love, and about allowing love to be Source and Supply, and about allowing the Love-as-Source-and-Supply to come through as money, interactions, and “all my good.”

As far as my questions above about passing it on, I think today’s Guiding Thought, and the Journey in general answer those. I don’t need to think about it specifically—the Guiding Thoughts do that for me to increase my awareness, understanding, and knowledge of Divine Love’s activity in my life and affairs. I just need to continue with these thoughts, and all will be fulfilled in its time, including, “…and I use that money, wealth, and prosperity to fully express my inner Divine-Love Presence.”

 

I don’t Can…but I do Jar : Journey of Abundance – Day 33

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

 I fill my mind and heart with Love, aligning with the Light of Truth. Steadfast and focused on my own Loving Presence, I live in the peace of fulfillment of my own Divine Identity.

Sharing

This feels more like hopeful, wishful thinking today. I mean, I know that reading and feeling the Guiding Thought brings me closer to the truth of the statements—that’s what doing this is all about, after all. So I know that I have shifted ever so slightly being here today with these words and continued to demonstrate commitment. But today, progress is imperceptible to me. I have a lot on my mind; I have a lot to do today; my normal routine has been disrupted, and I feel out of the flow, out of sync. I am thinking about the future, not being in the now, as they say. I know this, but I have not jarred myself out of it. Maybe jarring isn’t quite appropriate. Maybe just gentle progress is appropriate today. Maybe I need to trust that I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do. Maybe I need to trust and surrender.

What’s interesting is that just writing this is helping me feel more in sync and in the flow. A simple acknowledgement of what I am perceiving (even if it feels like I am “off”), helps me feel more like I’m “on.” It reminds me that I am being steadfast and focused on my goal, taking my little steps.

I am only really this collection of thoughts and experiences expressing through this body, this mind. Every day that I do this, I learn a little more about myself, what I think, what I feel and how it works, how I function. Know thyself has been a guiding dictum for me almost my entire life. But I also see that know thyself—for me—also means learn thyself and evolve thyself or at least evolving through learning what I think I know.