How can I live apart from God? God is indivisible. God is my Source, and the Life within me. My Oneness with All through God was established at my birth, at the creation of my being. The awareness and understanding of this Truth is the foundation of my freedom.
“[The Holy Spirit] uses only what your mind already understands to teach you that you do not understand it” (A Course in Miracles, Original Edition; Chapter V, paragraph 37).
Just yesterday, I wrote, “…things have just been moving, shifting. Wow! Yet it’s all very subtle. Nothing too much…nothing I can’t handle…nothing that scares me…”
Well, today I got scared. I was pushed to a place of severe discomfort; I was aware of the conflict between what I think I want and the Truth of living in God’s Will. There was another movement, another shift, and this time it felt huge and overwhelming, at least momentarily.
It’s like I go merrily along my way, doing my best to live according to Love’s Will, then I make a decision that I think is right, that feels ok, that feels good…and then something higher comes back and says, “You need to make another decision, not the one you just made.”
On the one hand, I am pretty sure that if I stuck with my original decision, it would be fine. I would not be punished in any way, there would be no severe repercussions; at worst, it would have neutral outcomes, no harm, but no real positive benefits. But, maintaining that decision would also maintain my (small) position, my current limited consciousness; it would not be for the good of ALL in the broadest sense. On the other hand, if I chose differently—the new choice that was presented to me—I would have to challenge myself. I would have to admit and confront unknown factors and my own limitations. I would have to surrender to the unknown.
This situation is really bringing to light exactly what I said I wanted to work on: surrender. This includes trust. Of course, I am moving forward. Of course I am making a new decision. Of course I am surrendering, trusting, and going for the expansion. But it’s scary.
This situation brings up questions which have repeated for me throughout my life regarding situations and decisions like this: How do I know? How do I know which is the best decision? How do I trust that the cues are pointing me in the right direction?
That’s where the Guiding Thought for today comes in.
Where there is doubt or fear there is the belief that I am separate from God. I cannot live apart from God. There is only God. The doubt and fear are not of God. The doubt and fear are what prevent my experience of God.
Where I make decisions “on my own,” and rely on myself, I have forgotten God is my Source, the Life within me. When I release anything that is not the Life within me, I come closer to trusting my Source—Love, for the benefit of All.
I do not fully understand what the Guiding Thought means. I do not have the experience of God to know how to live in God. I had thought, yesterday, that all the little signs were showing me my understanding…but they were really just showing me how little I understand, so that I can understand better. But I needed to take those small steps in gentleness and safety to assure me that all is well, so that when the real thing came along, my fear would be balanced by the trust I gained from those experiences.