The Pie is Out of the Oven: Journey of Freedom – Day 17

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Allow your physical body to experience itself fully as Light and Love. Your physical body embodies Light; you are an expanded body of Light and Sound. Move as Light, perceive as Light, behave as Light. You are everywhere—permeating, expanding, unifying, and healing. All things are possible.

Sharing

This is another one of those thoughts where I slip into, “Ok…but HOW?” I did not begin spinning today though, thank goodness. There are two reasons for not spinning today: 1) Resistance has reared its stubborn head (which meant a certain amount of apathy to figuring out how.) 2) I have an idea of how to do it (or at least how to visualize it).

1) The resistance: today it’s passive, in the form of nonchalance and intellectual lethargy. There’s no inner voice of skepticism, there’s no aggravated opposition, there’s no mind trying to figure it out (which is the only reason there is no spinning). Instead it’s more like I’m just blank, like curling up under the covers, not wanting to think about it, figure it out; like if I wait long enough it will just go away. It’s much more passive indifference/numbness/disconnected. I did not feel attuned at all to today’s Guiding Thought; there was no acceptance of even the potential of Oneness with the idea, no acceptance of the thought that I can experience Light in the way that it describes.

The resistance lifted however with every reading of “All things are possible.” That raised my optimism momentarily, until I repeated the first sentence. It felt really good to think, “All things are possible.” I don’t know what “things” I want to be possible, but it felt as though if I did know, I’d be very optimistic about it!

2) Having an idea of how to do it: If I weren’t curled into a figurative ball under the covers, I would have been able to visualize today’s Guiding Thought. It is basically a guided visualization—very basically. But if I were to simply do what it says, to the best of my ability, bringing awareness to my body and bringing light into it, I would be answering the question, “How do I do it?” You see?

I think what I am most disturbed by is that with all of my effort to feel over the past few days, to get it, I actually feel less than I have during the past few days. I mean: numb? There is not much more unfeeling than that. I did the exercise. I read the Guiding Thought. I am writing. But today it feels mechanical “totally in my head” as the saying goes. Normally, I at least have enough of a connection with my feeling-nature to feel silly, or confused, or annoyed…or creative, or receptive, or appreciative…or something. Today—blank. I feel so blank I don’t even care about feeling blank. I wonder if I’ve just overwhelmed myself?

There was one little bit of a bright ray within the practice this morning. I thought, “I’m learning.” It was that simple, I’m learning. And I knew and felt (felt!!) deeply that this was true. I don’t know what I am learning; I don’t know how I’m learning…but I am learning something, and it’s in there, working. Maybe this is the cooling off time. The preparation work is done; the ingredients have been put together; the baking is done; the pie is out of the oven, sitting on the rack. Waiting. There are good things to come when it’s cool enough to eat, but for now, it just sits, waiting.

 

 

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