How can I live apart from God? God is indivisible. God is my Source and the Life within me. My Oneness with All through God was established at my birth, at the creation of my being. The realization of this Truth is the foundation of my freedom.
Today feels like a paradox. According to the Guiding Thought, I cannot live apart from God, yet I am looking at myself, feeling and thinking, and I wonder, how is this living with God? I don’t feel particularly connected, no warm fuzzies, no all-encompassing lovingness…but I am not railing and aggravated either—there is no desire for striving or more today.
Apparently, the Guiding Thought is exactly what I needed to hear this morning because it is exactly what I don’t understand right now. All this is God, even this.
I felt as though this isn’t God, because it doesn’t’ fit into my little box. Looking back, I can see that I have more or less two modes: Struggling and getting it. If I’m not getting it, I am struggling. If I am getting it, life is “as it should be.” In an ironic twist, I have perhaps developed a pattern during a Journey where I had an intention to release patterns and habits and created my experience of God in binary fashion.
I almost feel like I have developed an expectation about what “God is” that fits into either getting it or striving to get it (aka struggle), so when I experience something different, it becomes “not God” in my head, in my interpretation.
It seems today the experience is exactly what I need in order to knock me out of my expectation and incorporate a new understanding of God.
God is not a binary. God does not need to fit into my boxes, my understanding, or my interpretations. This is how Oneness fits into the Guiding Thought. In Oneness, there are no judgments about what things are. There are no opposites, no comparisons, no dichotomies, no splits, just equality…Oneness.
Does that mean another way of saying, “all this is God” is “all this is equal”? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm…
That kind of flipped a switch I didn’t know I had. I thought I was pretty accepting, pretty non-judgmental, but when I asked myself that question, I heard myself respond on some level with, “How can everything be equal? If everything is equal, how do we know what is good and bad? If everything is equal, then the two modes that I have, getting it and struggling, are equal, which means that it doesn’t matter whether I get it or struggle…how can that be?? If it doesn’t matter, why do I bother…why do I strive, why do I work on understanding and awareness? If all things are equal, and all this is God, what’s the point?”
I’m really not sure what to make of this at the moment. I’m on the verge of defending nihilism, and part of me is not sure what to do with that, yet I don’t have a response.
There is a text I am almost remembering that explains this. I just don’t have a finger on which text it is, or what it says. I’m going to have to do some research, because I know I have read about this, and that there is a response…I’m just blanking on it right now.
So, I am going to fall back on remembering one of my favorite sayings, and I think this sums it up:
Nothing matters can be read two ways: 1) It makes no difference what we do or don’t do, nothing makes a difference, nothing has any effect, it’s all just relative (nihilistic). 2) The smallest bit of nothing matters. That means that everything we do, including nothing, matters and makes a difference.
It’s a paradox; both of these meanings are embodied in the words nothing matters, two completely opposite meanings in one phrase.
All this is God, the great paradox of equality encompassing everything, including “opposites”.