Zen Mule: Journey of Gratitude – Day 12

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Lift your mind and heart to the Truth of Being, to all that Is, to All you are. Accept your Self in Truth and offer your Self to All in gratitude for Being.

Sharing

Today’s Guiding Thought was not a conscious process. Despite being aware of lifting my mind and heart to the Truth of Being, there was something happening on other levels, things I can’t really describe or explain. The closest word that I can give in description is “vibrations”.

Before this Journey started, I thought it was going to be a piece of cake…I mean, how difficult is it to be grateful? And that is true, in that if all I was focusing on was giving thanks for everything I can think of to give thanks for, it would be easy. I can make lists of things I am grateful for all day. There is something to that, definitely…but this is a Consciousness Journey! The whole point is to expand…expand…expand!

The year after I graduated from high school, I went to Denmark as an exchange student. I had a goal of “becoming Danish”—by the end of my year there. I wanted Danes who didn’t know me to think I was Danish. I succeeded…but that’s not the point of this story. In order to get to a point where Danes could not distinguish me from a native, I had to learn the language…impeccably, which meant I had to insist on not speaking English, working every night with my dictionary and records (singing a language, while looking at the lyrics is a great way to learn a language, by the way). With my friends who could speak English, I had to insist, “På Dansk!”, meaning “In Danish!”, when they tried to speak to me in English. It became kind of a joke. I would not let them speak English to me, even when it would have been so much easier.

I am recognizing a bit of that stubborn, obstinacy in myself with this Journey. I want to know. I want to get it. Don’t make this easy on me. I need to work to get this. I don’t want superficial gratitude, I want deep, abiding gratitude that is embedded in the ground of Being, that is so solid that all I know is the gratitude which is the eternal natural expression of my Self of Joy and Peace.

I’ve been taking that attitude with really trying to feel and understand and get this whole “Truth of Being” thing, this whole “Being the Love you are” thing. It’s an internal insistence, a drive, a dissatisfaction…very similar to when I was learning Danish.

And now, after having written that, I feel a bit torn (see what awareness does!). Do I really want to be that stubborn!? >chuckle<   Or…maybe, rather…Am I really that stubborn!? I guess I am >chuckle<, about some things, anyway. I can tell this is something I need to continue looking at. What is the balance between striving and letting go? Working and relaxing? Pushing and receiving? Part of me thinks, “You don’t gain anything unless you keep working, unless you keep growing and expanding; there is no room for laziness.” But another part of me thinks, “What about the whole Zen thing, going with the flow? What about release and surrender?” I don’t know.

It occurs to me that in the book the Secret Language of Birthdays, one of the characteristics of people with my birthday, is “driven”. I don’t think of myself as driven, but I am seeing myself in a new light at the moment. This book also says that I have limitless determination to reach my goals; considering my ultimate goal is enlightenment/transcendence, I’ll take that in a positive way. This all seems accurate, but I think that may just be the nice way of saying I’m stubborn.

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