Confessions of a Spiritual Nerd: Journey of Gratitude – Day 13

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for

Guiding Thought

Fill your mind with the Light of the Truth of Love. What more is there? In the Light of the Truth, you are Free. What more is there? Your consciousness expands in the Truth of Love, forever One, forever Joyful, forever in Peace.


In the last Journey (of Freedom), one of the main themes was letting go/attaining. What do we let go of and attain? We let go of all the things that are preventing us from being aware of the Truth of ourselves (pride, fear, jealousy, anger, hostility…) and, in return, we attain the Truth of ourselves (Love).

These two “sides” are called by different names, depending on which framework is being used: fear/love, illusion/reality, body/atman (soul), ego-mind/Christ- mind. The language is different within the frameworks, but the message is basically the same: loosen or deny the one and gain the other, which you have never really lost (very simply put).

In order for me to deny or let go of fear/illusion/body/ego-mind, I have to actually know what it is; I have to look at it and be able to recognize that this is not Truth. It can feel like looking at the illusion (I’ll just stick with this one term) causes pain or suffering. Sometimes letting go of the illusion can feel like pain or suffering.

I am imagining 4 levels of experience with this: 1) people who are steeped in illusion with no concept of anything different 2) those who are beginning to learn the difference between illusion and Truth 3) those who are at a more advanced state of learning the difference, and choosing between illusion and Truth 4) those who have enough experience with Truth that they recognize illusion immediately and can choose Truth easily every time. This of course, is a very crude list. It just came to me, in the context of what I am going to write next:

I feel like I am on the verge of shifting from (2) to (3). I don’t think I am quite there yet, but I think if I remain diligent, it’s about to become just a bit easier for me to recognize illusion and choose Truth. Why do I think this? Because life is throwing buckets of illusion on me, challenging me to deny it, challenging me to remain focused in the light of Truth…and I can see the difference. That matters. I can see the difference between my choices. It’s difficult, I still feel like I will be swept up in the illusion at potentially any time, which is why I am using my mantras, and all the tools I have to remain vigilant against the illusion. But it’s still exciting, in a really spiritual-nerd way.

What is interesting to me about what is going on is that at the moment, the illusion is so obvious. It’s not being subtle at all. It’s like I see it and my “illusion meter” (like a B.S. meter, but different), goes through the roof. This is why I think I am transitioning from level (2) to level (3): as a final exam, I have been given an obvious test. I can see it well enough and clearly enough that my choice is also clear. I still feel fear and concern, and that’s another layer of vigilance, but I can also see how my fear and concern is unfounded (or founded only on illusion).

Today, I am so thankful for learning, for greater clarity in a way I have never experienced before, amidst buckets of illusion. I am thankful for the work I have done that made me ready for what I feel is going to be a growth-oriented transition, recognizing more Love, more Truth, more Light… in more and more situations. I am thankful for transitions, even when they are rough. I am thankful for all of the people who have offered wisdom, insight, and support during this transition time for me—some have no clue about the spiritual side of things that I am going through, but that doesn’t matter, they have been great. I am thankful for the guidance of spiritual masters, keeping me on the right track.