Love Fractually Part II: Journey of Gratitude – Day 16

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

When you look within and see the radiance of Love, you remember your wholeness. You are wholly loving and wholly lovable. In the purity of Love lies peace, which you share with all in gratitude.

Sharing

When I was in high school I went through a very difficult time (who doesn’t in high school?). It didn’t come from being picked-on or harassed, it was more simply that all-pervasive, all-consuming, permeating teenage angst of “who am I?” and “where do I belong?”

I felt out-of-place, a misfit…very unlovable. I felt isolated and alone, left to deal with myself by myself.

So, I dealt with myself. I didn’t have all the tools I have now. I didn’t have the information or understanding I have now…but I did have the intensity I have now! I also had basketball, soccer, my bicycle, my books, my imaginary friends (yes, I had them through high school), and I had a good relationship with Jesus.

I remember at night before sleep, I would talk to Jesus and ask, “Who am I?” “What is the Truth?” and I’d say, “I want to know Truth, really know it.”

Basketball, soccer, and my bike got me through my days, but Jesus got me through that period of my life.

Then one night, as I was in a particularly anxious state talking to Jesus, all of a sudden I felt loved; wholly, completely, totally loved. For the first time in my conscious mind, in this life, this body, I understood with my whole being what it was to be wholly lovable. With that came feeling wholly acceptable, wholly at peace, and wholly loving.

I just laid there in bed thinking/feeling/knowing, “God loves me; purely, unconditionally, forever. There is nothing I can do that would or could stop God’s love for me.”

And I thought, remembering my pain, my isolation, “I want to work so that no one ever has to feel that pain, that isolation; I want to help people to feel this.”

There is one description of how drug addicts get addicted: when a person tries heroin (for example) for the first time, it’s the best high they’ve ever had. Every time after the first isn’t quite as good so they keep chasing that first euphoria. Since they never experience it again, but keep chasing, they become addicted to chasing that “best” high.

That moment I had of feeling/knowing I was completely loved was my moment of addiction, my first high I keep chasing. No, I’ve never felt it again, not like that, not with that absolute, unshakable assurance.

But (unlike a drug high), I know it’s there. I know it’s possible. I know that is the Truth I seek, the reality of me, of you, and of Life.

In that moment I also found Purpose: I want to work so that no one ever has to feel isolated, alone, in pain of any kind. I want to work so people know how loved they are.

Because in that Love, that beautiful Love, the only desire is to share it, to give it, to help others see it, feel it, know it…so all they desire is to share it, give it, help others to see it, feel it, know it…

What a beautiful cascade, the fractal of Infinite Love.

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