Hazelnut Mocha or Vanilla Cream: Journey of Gratitude – Day 40

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Love is always with me. I focus my whole Self on being entirely with Love. I tune out distractions and place my entire focus on simply being with the Love that is always with me. This is the return. This is eternal Comfort and Peace: Being with Love, as Love is with me.


I realized something this morning. It was about due, this new way of putting things together.

It began with this question: Are you co-creating with Spirit/Soul/Divine Love? As you may have noticed, this is a big focus of my current evolution.

The answer was a resounding, “Nooo…not really.” That was the honest answer, unfortunately.

How do I know I’m not co-creating with spirit? Well…as much as I dislike the subjective nature of this answer: I can feel it. It’s more than my “normal” distractions, my usual fumbles, my normal level of doubt and skepticism. With those “normal” things I can feel that I am actively working to evolve or transform them; they are stumbling blocks that I am fairly familiar with, and there is a corresponding normal level of “working through”.

But there is something new and different now, something deeper, which has been consuming me without my full awareness. I realize it has been active for at least the last round of this Journey. My subtle emotions (I am using my behavioral barometer that I mentioned a couple of days ago!) are: rigid (“I don’t want to change!”), pessimistic (“it’s never going to get better”), and stagnant (“and I’m stuck here”)…do you see how being stuck in a place that is never going to get any better can be a very bleak outlook? Feeling the futility, the final subtle emotion is destructive.

Let me be clear: as I mentioned the other day, I can identify my emotions without identifying with my emotions. I am simply recognizing thought patterns that are influencing my current emotional outlook.

These emotions are very quiet. I can identify them because I have worked hard and long at feeling and understanding. They are very, very subtle. However, I can now also see the connection between these quite emotions and some other, louder, emotions I’ve been having. Uncharacteristically, I have been feeling belligerent and seething. Belligerent is like feeling opposed to everything, and seething is that smoldering burning that is not outright hostility or infuriated, but it’s still a fire just under the skin.

These feelings are those I have identified as the ones showing me I am resistant to co-creating with Spirit.

Now comes the good part.

It has been a long, long time since I have had such unconscious (lack of awareness), resistant, opposing, belligerent emotions.

And now being aware is a wonderful and amazing thing.

The second thing I realized this morning was that I have dug up something that is now ready to be released.

As you know, I am One. We are One. I am Whole. We are Whole. There is nothing other than Oneness, Wholeness, Love, and the Fulfillment, Joy, and Peace that go with them.

But here we are in a human body! A body that thinks, perceives, divides, categorizes, separates things out, and comes to conclusions about what to think about all of the things we have divided, separated, and categorized! And none of it is True!

Every perception that we have divided and categorized is a candidate for evolution into Oneness. How many thoughts have you had today that have separated “this” from “that”? Do I want hazelnut mocha coffee or vanilla cream? Even that! Even that! —every single one is a candidate for transformation.

We can’t/don’t transform them all at once—if we did, well, we would BE in Oneness, wouldn’t we? So we transform them one at a time, and a little bit at a time, one thought becomes transformed, another thought becomes transformed, then those thoughts join together for yet another transformation and on and on, until EVERY division is enfolded into the Oneness of All.

Thus, my belligerence, resistance, and opposition is good news. It means I had gotten to some level of comfort with all of the thoughts/divisions that I have thus far transformed. It means that it’s time to join together even more. And to do that, I have to see it. In order for me to look at it, it needs to be loud, to get my attention.

I am now willing to be patient with myself. Opening up a new place of transformation can be a very vulnerable place. I must remember to be gentle with myself—I am not quite in my “right mind” as much as I am used to being at the moment. I must remember it’s OKAY to go slowly. It may take some time for me to take my small steps. I must be kind and forgive myself. I may not “get things” as quickly as I often do. I may feel stuff that is uncharacteristic. It’s ok. I’ll remind myself it’s ok. Now, this too is transforming. It’s not a coincidence that a Journey of Courage is just 10 days away.

Am I co-creating with Spirit? Not quite, but it seems Spirit is co-creating with me.