First, I’d like to thank you for being here. Just now. Feel my gratitude. Thank you for being here. You are so important to our mutual journey, so important to this. You are fanning your inner spark and my flame grows. Thank you, deeply and sincerely.
Whether you are here on these Journeys working with me, or whether you are doing your own thing “out there”, you are doing it, finding your Self, coming to know our Unity. Every bit you do or offer, every step you take, every moment of recognition, contributes to my own. Thank you, I honor your journey.
I admit: I have needed your support and contribution on this Journey of Gratitude. I may not have made it through 40 days without you.
When I began this Journey, I really expected it to be a “no-brainer”. I mean, really, how can gratitude be hard?
I thought it would be much like a Journey of the Heart–beautiful, expansive connections, and continuous realizations.
I found instead many walls I have built, limits I have imposed upon myself, my inner two-year old. These things, I came to realize, were trying to dictate and control how my life turns out, with a very limited vision of who I am. Internally, emotionally, I was that two-year old, “NO, I want____ (fill in the blank)!”
The mind-frame I uncovered within myself was that of pre-determining a certain outcome. I want it to look like this; I want it to be this way.
Then when things didn’t turn out that way, I felt angry, frustrated, and so gratitude was difficult. I see now my own participation in that.
Thank God this was all happening within the context and awareness of simply being grateful for Being. When I am Truly grateful for Being, what matters the visible outcome? When I am Truly grateful for Love, aren’t all things equal, and equally Holy?
Because of being on this Journey, my emotional state was starkly juxtaposed with the Truth of Love and Oneness. I saw the contrast so clearly. But (apparently) I needed such a stark contrast for me to pay attention.
I stepped in-and-out of these two mind-frames repeatedly throughout the Journey. Each time, I looked and assessed, felt and tried to figure it out. There was a lot of resistance (two-year old mindset!).
It was hard not to feel guilty while I was recognizing the resistance, the “immature” mindset. After all, I know better, don’t I?
It was hard to look at those emotions, opposed to Love and Unity of Being, that wanted to control me, over and above the Self I know I am.
This was definitely a learning process. I found “my” will, opposed to God’s, trying to lead me.
The sub-sets of this learning process were:
–Denying appropriately and Healing: Denying those aspects of my mind that are opposed to Love/Oneness, and accepting Love/Oneness as Truth–Healing.
–Remembering there is only ever One Will: “I” can make any choice or decision I want to, but any decision “I” make that is not aligned with One Will leads me only to division and separation. I want to get closer to Oneness, not continue to make decisions that keep me from its realization.
–Letting go of the ego’s will, surrendering to the One Will: My personality, my “ego”, wants to have its own agenda; it’s not that my personality or ego are “bad”…they just want what they want. But I need to decide what I want, over and above their limited vision. This means choosing. This means choosing to surrender the ego to Divine Will. My personality, that uniqueness of “me”, does not go away, but it does become purified and transformed, so that all my thoughts, emotions, and actions serve Love and Oneness.
Do you see how these themes recur, regardless of the particular Journey? These are core transformations: aligning ultimately with our Self of Oneness.
All true learning is toward Oneness, toward aligning the inner and the outer with (through) Divine Will. We do it over and over, with every moment a new lesson, a new opportunity to prove our inner holiness (our “wholiness”) in each worldly experience. Every moment, we choose. Until we heal all aspects of the ego mind, we continue to think there are many choices, but the choice is really this simple: separation or Oneness?
I heal. I am healing! I choose Oneness!
I choose the only choice there is, the only choice I want: Divine Love’s Will within me!
I am very grateful to my Divine friends, with bodies and without bodies, who came to my assistance on this Journey. And, again. Thank you for being here.