Silly, Sneaky Mind: Journey of Courage – Day 08

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I allow myself to connect with my pure Inner Divine Heart of Oneness. I am aware of the expression of the Divine Heart through me, as me. I connect with my heart, and am aware of embodying its pure Love intention for All.  I am filled with Joy as I embrace my heart’s Love.

Sharing

I am very much in my head today. I find it a little ironic that today’s Guiding Thought is all about the heart and its intuitive direction. I keep thinking, “How does this work?” How does my mind operate and how is my heart supposed to interact with my mind and contribute to all this? Meditative stillness, that deep calm, centered place that is beyond words, beyond thought; how does that work?

A lot of questions I can’t seem to answer. It’s not that I feel disconnected, not quite. It’s more like my mind wants to go into that stillness to figure it out. Except, when the mind goes into the stillness, it loses the qualities and characteristics of the mind. My mind wants to figure it out, but does not want to lose itself. It wants its analytical, assessing qualities, but it wants those about the very thing that would bring about its dissolution. What a conundrum!

[At least (I just realized), it loses the qualities that I have defined as “the mind”. There is part of me that knows the mind is so much more than how I define it.]

It’s not that my mind is afraid of the dissolution, either. That’s not it. It just wants access and knows it can’t have it.

Ok, wait. Maybe there is some fear there. What is that?

My mind does not want to share. It doesn’t want to concede to another way of gathering information. It’s like my mind is a train. It has an engine that drives it and lots of cars and compartments that are sectioned off and in order. The train itself is on a track going from point A to point B; there are no decisions, just stay on the track; it’s all very orderly, very neat, no confusion.

But when this mind-train looks at the heart stuff, it sees a foggy ocean and simply does not understand how we can trust the heart to navigate that. There’s way too much uncertainty: it can’t see where it’s going, where it will end up. There’s no clear track for a direction or guidance. There is no easily accessible information. Nothing would make sense. We’d be lost.

My mind wants control and is confronting information that potentially threatens not just the mind’s control, but its very existence.

Is that seriously what this is?

Yet, I know the mind and heart are not mutually exclusive, that they work together and help each other. What is my mind’s problem!?

There is a bridge. I know there is a bridge between these two ways of gaining information, having understanding and using or applying it. My mind is even rebelling against me remembering the bridge. I cannot even see/feel the bridge today! What the heck is going on?

My mind really wants to be dominant and it is being a little passive aggressive. My mind is so quiet I almost can’t tell it is the one throwing up the blocks; it’s being so vague and reserved I am having to work really hard to put a finger on how these maneuvers are getting in the way.

Whoa…now, I just saw something; my mind’s reaction is making a bit of sense…my mind is using a technique to defend itself, which is the same way it feels about “what the heart is doing to it”. In other words, to the mind, the foggy ocean is attacking it’s very linear-directed train. So the train is attempting to take on the qualities of the foggy ocean to put the foggy ocean in its place.

Whaaaattt??? So you’re saying that my mind feels like a victim of my heart, so it has distorted the qualities of the heart and thrown them back at me in an attempt to thwart my involvement with my heart? Riiiiiggght.

Ok, so really, I am not sure at this point. But that does actually make some sense to me.

For the past few days I have been feeling what I think is described as “subtle energies”. I’ve been feeling something shifting, moving, re-arranging. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like looking at fireflies through a long, dark tunnel. I can see some light, see some movement but it seems momentary, sporadic, random, vague, and if I take my eyes off it for a second I wonder if I saw anything at all. That’s how I’ve been perceiving the deeper levels of myself my mind does not access. But my mind has been noticing (and feeling threatened?)! So my mind is combating subtlety with subtlety. Pretty sneaky, mind.

I’ll have to keep an eye on this. >shaking my head<

 

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