Be responsible! Be able to respond with and through conscious awareness of your inner-centered, silent knowingness. Practice Knowingness moment by moment. Anchored in your inner-harmony, have the courage to face your own thoughts and actions.
Day 16 and I’ve hit my roadblock! I feel kind of irritated because my roadblock is exactly what the Guiding Thought asks me to look at. Dammit. At least I am gaining more of a sense of humor when the blocks come up.
Here’s the energy of the block:
Mom: Susan, turn off the TV and come to dinner.
Susan (age 7): Ok mom. (No movement)
Mom (5 min later): Turn off the TV and come to dinner!
Susan: OooooKaaaaayyy Moooommmm. (Still no movement)
Mom: (5 min later) comes in and turns off the TV, points toward the table, scowl on face.
Susan: …drags feet, head down, walks toward the table
Mom: Susan you need to do your chores.
Susan (age 11): Buuut Moooommmm!
Mom: Do your chores.
Susan: I don’t waaaannnaaaaa!
Mom: Quit arguing and do your chores, why can’t you just say, “OK mom” and do what I ask?
Susan: Humph! …stalks off to do chores
It’s this energy of being made to do something, and resistance to that; the energy of feeling no choice in the matter; the energy of being told. When I woke up this morning, thinking about doing today’s contemplation and writing, I swear it was my 11-year-old, “I don’t waaaannnaaaaa!” that I heard in my head. It is definitely opposed to the energy of “I am responsible!” In fact, I feel like telling “I am responsible” to stick it. I know, I know, how immature.
As I am talking myself through this, I do see the immaturity, the irrationality of my resistance. I know that I choose to do the contemplations every day. No one is making me do it. I am guessing this is just some energy that has been stuck and now wants to come out. Whatever.
Feeling no choice is a deep issue (dare I say for everyone). It reflects the ego’s resistance to submitting to a higher will, the Divine Will—at least, that is what I have experienced. I now know when I feel like I have no choice it is because I’m actually working on letting go of a little more ego, and the ego is resisting. I’m not saying it’s easy but I do think it’s easier when I can identify why I am feeling/responding/reacting as I am. In fact, the more I become familiar with the impetus behind my responses, the more I am able to respond with and through conscious awareness.
I just realized that despite my resistance, I am working through the Guiding Thought. How did that happen? Resistance turned into total compliance without me even wanting to. I have the courage to face my own thoughts! Nothing like staring down the inner child.