Staring Down the Inner Child: Journey of Courage – Day 16

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Be responsible! Be able to respond with and through conscious awareness of your inner-centered, silent knowingness. Practice Knowingness moment by moment. Anchored in your inner-harmony, have the courage to face your own thoughts and actions.

Sharing

Day 16 and I’ve hit my roadblock! I feel kind of irritated because my roadblock is exactly what the Guiding Thought asks me to look at. Dammit. At least I am gaining more of a sense of humor when the blocks come up.

Here’s the energy of the block:

Mom: Susan, turn off the TV and come to dinner.

Susan (age 7): Ok mom. (No movement)

Mom (5 min later): Turn off the TV and come to dinner!

Susan: OooooKaaaaayyy Moooommmm. (Still no movement)

Mom: (5 min later) comes in and turns off the TV, points toward the table, scowl on face.

Susan: …drags feet, head down, walks toward the table

Or

Mom: Susan you need to do your chores.

Susan (age 11): Buuut Moooommmm!

Mom: Do your chores.

Susan: I don’t waaaannnaaaaa!

Mom: Quit arguing and do your chores, why can’t you just say, “OK mom” and do what I ask?

Susan: Humph! …stalks off to do chores

It’s this energy of being made to do something, and resistance to that; the energy of feeling no choice in the matter; the energy of being told. When I woke up this morning, thinking about doing today’s contemplation and writing, I swear it was my 11-year-old, “I don’t waaaannnaaaaa!” that I heard in my head. It is definitely opposed to the energy of “I am responsible!” In fact, I feel like telling “I am responsible” to stick it. I know, I know, how immature.

As I am talking myself through this, I do see the immaturity, the irrationality of my resistance. I know that I choose to do the contemplations every day. No one is making me do it. I am guessing this is just some energy that has been stuck and now wants to come out. Whatever.

Feeling no choice is a deep issue (dare I say for everyone). It reflects the ego’s resistance to submitting to a higher will, the Divine Will—at least, that is what I have experienced. I now know when I feel like I have no choice it is because I’m actually working on letting go of a little more ego, and the ego is resisting. I’m not saying it’s easy but I do think it’s easier when I can identify why I am feeling/responding/reacting as I am.  In fact, the more I become familiar with the impetus behind my responses, the more I am able to respond with and through conscious awareness.

I just realized that despite my resistance, I am working through the Guiding Thought. How did that happen? Resistance turned into total compliance without me even wanting to.  I have the courage to face my own thoughts! Nothing like staring down the inner child.

 

 

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