Year: 2015

When You Know You Know Better: Journey of Courage – Day 31

susanwithpearls Being, Cause & Effect, Choices, Enlightenment, Inspiration, Kindness Matters, Love , , , , ,
Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Life is a process of Self-discovery. I embrace All of Life, for All of Life is who I am. As I embrace Life as my Self, I come to understand Life as me. Life embraces me gently and joyfully in return.

Sharing

Welcome to Round 4! What a great Journey so far! It’s been very enlightening. But… isn’t that the point? Thanks for being here! 9 days to go!

See an explanation for how the Guiding Thoughts change for this round here.

I am learning about my Self. I am learning what is not my Self.

My Self is Love and Life, it is kindness, compassion; it is loving and kind thoughts and actions. What is not love or loving or kind is not my Self.

I need not embrace those things—thoughts, emotions, behaviors—which are not my Self. I need not try to “make them” OK, to “make them” part of my Self. I need not justify, compensate, allow for, or make excuses for those things which are not my Self.

This is a hard thing to wrap my head around. Aren’t I supposed to accept “everything”? Isn’t Love unconditional and all there is? Yes…but no. The things that are not Love, and therefore not my Self, are not anything that is real. So accepting them is like accepting a movie as “real”. I can accept those things, those parts of me as something, but I do not need to accept them as real, and certainly not as “me”. “Nothing real can be threatened; nothing unreal exists.”

If I accept as real something that is not real, I am confusing my self with my Self. My Self is all there is; identifying with “negative” or fearful thoughts is a denial of my Self. (notice, I am saying identifying with. This does not mean I can’t or shouldn’t have negative or fearful thoughts, after all, they do come up sometimes, but the point is not to identify with them. They are not you/me/we.) If I allow myself to identify with negative or fearful thoughts, I am giving strength to that which is not real.

My Self is all there is, all I Am. Therefore, what I embrace must be my Self of Love. This Self is the Self of Life, my real Self.

As I learn to embrace my Self of Love, when I allow its expression, that is what inspires Life to embrace me gently and joyfully in return.

When I allow my self—my less than higher Self—to claim my experiences as itself, I’ve pushed-out my upper-case Self. Life and Love, as embodied in my Self recedes; my identity always precariously balances between the choice of what I allow into my sphere of identity; what strengthens my Self? What strengthens my self? The choice is mine.

I want more of Life-Love.

I must not identify with the negative-fearful.

Yet, sometimes the negative-fearful comes up, and comes out. Sometimes I am so “in it” it feels like all I am, all I know of myself, even when I know better, and know that I know better.

The more I strengthen my identity with and through Love, the more I can dis-identify with the negative-fearful. Life is a process of Self-discovery, and of self-release.

Upper and Lower Case in Balance: Journey of Courage – Day 30

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We are aware, we allow, and we accept What Is. We go within to our silent Self which Knows and follow our Inner Wisdom to Truth. We practice Divine Balance in thought, word, and action. We are! We are our Self! We are our Self of Love!

Sharing

There are two “selves” I talk about here. The lower-case self, which is the self of the personality. The way I understand this self is as the collection of thoughts, experiences, beliefs that make up one’s outlook and expression.

The upper-case Self is what is often called “the higher self”. The way I understand this self is it’s that part of the consciousness that is aware of itself as pure Being, pure Consciousness, pure Love.

The Self is aware of the self, but the self is not always—and never entirely—aware of the Self.

The Journeys are a way of educating the lower-case self into become more aware of itself as the upper-case Self. One way this works is that if each personality-self is its own collection of thoughts (etc.) and each thought of the Journey contributes to that collection. The Guiding Thoughts are designed to give the personality-self thoughts that give it better awareness and understand of itself as a more expanded Self.

When we tell ourselves “We are aware, we allow, and we accept What Is.”, it is an automatic acknowledgement by the self of the Self. “We” represents the self and “What is” represents the higher Self.

Similarly, when we read, “We go within to our silent Self…” we are telling our self that there is another Self; the lower-case self is not the only self on the block. Then we tell the self why we want it to be aware of the upper-case Self…because It has the key to our Inner Wisdom and Truth. In a way the Self is cajoling the self, we want it to know how much better-off it is when it partners with and cooperates with the upper-case Self. But the self can’t be coerced it or strong-armed; the higher Self needs the lower-case self, so the Self must work gently with the self to enlist its willing cooperation.

Balance is important! When the Self and the self work together, life flows so much easier. The self expresses the Self; the Self wisely guides the self. They are balanced relationships when we allow them. The self needs to learn how much easier it is to get through life with the help and guidance of the Self.

Re-raveling: Journey of Courage – Day 29

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I accept my light and my lightness! I feel my Self expand! As I perceive change around me, I remain anchored in my Being of Light. I allow myself to sit peacefully in the still place of nothingness as life moves quickly around me.

Sharing

This is sure right on today.

“As I perceive change around me”…there’s been so much change in the past week! Subtle change still amazes me. Even after doing Reiki and other energy-work for over 20 years, the shifts that can happen are very humbling. With all my intellect, all my thinking and contemplating—even all my skepticism—I am blown away when the energy takes over and stuff just happens, shifting, changing very subtly, but also very experientially.

“I remain anchored in my Being of Light…” It’s a good thing this was not yesterday’s Guiding Thought. I was absolutely not anchored yesterday. But today (and yesterday), through all the change, my Being of Light came through to anchor me. There’s a bit of a double entendre there…I have a Being of Light that is this metaphysical-transcendent “Being within me” and I also have a physical being of light who I happen to live with, who anchors me, quite literally, when my air-sign-self tries to reach the stratosphere. Which one gets the credit for this anchoring? I put them both through the trials yesterday; fortunately, they both were there for me when I unraveled; and they both continue to anchor me today.

“I allow myself to sit peacefully in the still place of nothingness…” This part of the Guiding Thought is just a bit “off”. I don’t quite feel like I am “allowing” myself to do anything today; it’s more like my Self is demanding to sit peacefully in the still place of nothingness. Yesterday wore me out. There’s nothing to do but sit still and recuperate. I can’t even say my brain wants to work today.

…”as life moves quickly around me.” I am so thankful that even my emotional shifts are moving more quickly. Sometimes life moving quickly makes me feel as though I am always trying to keep up, but when it makes my emotions move through more quickly….OHHHH! Thank GOD! I remember times when I would go through something emotional and it would take days to work itself out. Now, it feels like I release enough in small ways daily that when something bigger wants to shift it doesn’t take quite as much effort or time. It still takes effort; don’t get me wrong, but all things considered, a less-than 24 hour shift is pretty dang good.

Something I noticed as I was going through my emotions yesterday: there are times when I feel and observe, and there are times when the emotions overwhelm and there is no (or it feels like there is no) chance of stepping out of them to observe: they are inundating. Yesterday was the latter; these do not come frequently for me (again…Thank God).

However, yesterday was different than other times that emotions have been overwhelming. It’s difficult to explain, but even though I could not step out of the emotions, I was able to recognize that I was in them and unable to step out of them. It was like an observation step before the actual observation, not observing but recognizing the need for it. I was able to be at least a little bit on the edges of it. It was odd. I am optimistic that this awareness is a bridge I am building between drowning in inundating emotions and being able to observe them simultaneously…something I have never experienced before.

Interestingly…I talked about this on Day 09 of this Journey: “I’ve been learning to remove “me” from “my thoughts” or “my feelings”. It’s not, of course, that I remove the thoughts or feelings—they just keep coming!—but that I am more in touch with that anchor of stillness.”

Unraveling Healing: Journey of Courage – Day 28

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We allow ourselves to connect with our pure Inner Divine Heart of Oneness We are aware of the expression of the Divine Heart through us, as us. We connect with our heart, and are aware of embodying its pure Love intention for All. We are filled with Joy as we embrace our heart’s Love.

Sharing

I started this Journey not knowing or understanding what courage “should be” about. Then, a wise person reminded me the Journeys reveal themselves. Each day on the Journey unravels something, uncovers something, or connects to something. Each day reveals something hidden, or illuminates an aspect of the Whole. Each day offers a method for changing perspective, for shifting into ideas of a higher vantage point, a higher “nature”. They bring me out of my “I” and into Love and Oneness.

Today I feel like I am unraveling; the Guiding Thought is giving me perspective.

I mentioned a few days ago that I “found” a healing technique called Jharra; for the past week I’ve immersed myself in its healing energy. If you’ve ever done any healing work, you know this can be intense.

Courage today means facing the unraveling necessary for healing, without falling apart! The old must be made new. I must have the courage not only to face the old but also to take responsibility for it, and take responsibility for its transformation.

“I” must change. I must change my “I”.

My “I” has (“lower”, “ego”) wants and needs that it expects others to fill (this is the nature of the “I”, to keep itself immature and irresponsible). When those people don’t do what “I” want them to, my “I” feels overlooked and unloved, and blames the other person (do you see how circuitous this is?) When it blames the other person, it withdraws, thinking, “Why should I give anything if it’s just going to be ignored or overlooked?” and “If giving and not-giving produce the same result, why bother giving?”

But you see, this kind of thinking is rooted in giving to get; it is thinking from the lower-mind, the ego-mind, always wanting something in return. My higher-mind knows better; it knows the giving is the receiving, but my lower-mind is asserting itself. There is tension.

I’m not sure what the first-or root-cause of this thought-pattern is/was, but I know it’s been with me a long time. I’ve seen it, acknowledged it, worked with it but it’s still there, even though it’s weaker and smaller than it was 5 or 10 or 20 years ago.

I think it is on its way to total transformation…or at least to a healthy dose of it. This past week has brought together the conditions for moving it on out…hopefully, anyway. I can feel it fighting. It doesn’t want to go; “I” don’t want it to go.

One of the energies I’ve been working with over the past week is that of the Protector-Healer: Anubis in the Egyptian, and Kalbairav in the Hindu/Vedic. I think it is this energy of protection from my lower-self, protection from my own shadows that is very key in these conditions of release. Not only am I able to heal, I am assured of safety as I do so. (It feels neither safe nor healing to “me”, though. Did I mention there is tension?)

Today is bringing up a lot of connections to other Journeys:

A Journey of the Heart: It takes courage to follow the heart, and do the healing necessary for it to emerge in Love

A Journey of Healing: is this self-explanatory?

A Journey of Worth, particularly the 10th day of each round: “I am willing to understand how I must rise above the struggles and pains of the world. I am willing to rise again and again with each call for help, each outstretched hand. I am willing to be the one to choose to change. I offer my pain, suffering, guilt, and blame up for transformation, into the light of Love that I may see and give only the light of Love always.”

I am feeling as many pieces coming together as I do being ripped apart.

AE-Nx-Tc-Ii-Ct-Ie-Pm-Ae-Tn-It-O-N: Journey of Courage – Day 27

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Love is strong! Powerful! We embrace Love and wield it through our awareness of Oneness. Oneness destroys the illusions of the mind, of the past, and of the material world. We move forward courageously with Peace in the Truth of Love and Oneness.

Sharing

What are you bringing into the world? What are you creating in your life? What are you giving birth to? Where do you place your energy and attention? What are your actions and thoughts? What is inhibiting you? What are you releasing? What are you suppressing? What are you raising to consciousness? What are old habits and behaviors that no longer serve you? How are you changing? What do you want? What do you want to be? What is your unique becoming?

YOU ARE SUPPORTED. You are so loved.

Life watches you with excitement and amazement. It waits on pins and needles to see what you will do with it, in it, for it.

We move forward courageously!

We move forward together.

Isn’t it exciting?

Not knowing, not knowing what’s ahead, what the next step is, that’s part of the excitement!

I wrote the other day (Day 25) about anticipation and the feeling of fear. Today anticipation is the feeling of excitement!

When I was very young, on Christmas morning, my brother, sister, and I would wake up really early and huddle together in excitement and anticipation, at the top of the steps, waiting for the cue to run down for what awaited us.

That’s it. Not Christmas or a lit tree or presents, but having that kind of excitement to run toward the unknown, knowing it’s full of gifts!

Who needs courage to run toward certain gifts? Run with abandonment! Run, assured in Peace and Love toward the gifts life is waiting to shower upon you! Run, abandoning fear and caution and hesitancy! Everything is before you, for you, waiting for you.

Allow Love to pull you toward itself. Go freely, easily, willingly. Give yourself to Love as Love gives itself to you: the only gift that matters; the only gift there is.

 

The Peacock and Caterpillar: Journey of Courage – Day 26

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We are responsible! We are able to respond with and through conscious awareness of our inner-centered, silent knowingness, moment by moment. Anchored in the inner harmony, we face our own thoughts and actions with courage.

Sharing

I might be able to be aware of my inner-centered, silent knowingness moment by moment, but I don’t always know its plans for me. It sees the big picture of my life as a whole, where I see it frame by frame.

As I respond to each frame while anchored in the inner harmony, I am flowing with the big picture. If I step outside of that harmony I begin to wonder what the big picture is and how I fit into it.

When I am in the moment there is faith and trust because I can handle the moment. When I step outside the moment, everything becomes too big. I don’t put all the pieces together because I can’t see all pieces; I become confused and worried until I step back into the moment.

This is an extension of an idea central to these Journeys: co­-creating with the Inner Divine Self. I have to play my part. I have to be in the moment and let life take care of the rest. In every moment I need to be responsible for every moment. I am responsible for my participation in that moment through thoughts and actions, without necessarily understanding how those thoughts and actions fit into the bigger picture. When I try to figure out how they fit, that’s when things get overwhelming.

Simplify! The courage here is about staying in the moment, trusting without knowing the big picture. It’s about facing every part of life head on, directly and totally involved. Every part of my life is both my unique expression of thoughts and actions and an experience of the Divine Self’s bigger picture.

I bought a new phone about 6 months ago. Immediately I set a picture a friend had sent me of a peacock from his yard as my wallpaper. About 3 weeks ago I changed the wallpaper to a picture of a caterpillar I had found this summer in my garden. A week ago I “found” a healing practice called Jharra which uses peacock feathers. Is this coincidence? Or was my Divine Self, giving me a piece of the bigger picture in my daily moment-to-moment?  If it was, I wonder where the caterpillar is leading me!?

Picture attributed to Brad Vanlandingham Used by permission
Picture attributed to Brad Vanlandingham
Used by permission
"Caterpillar' copyright 2015 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls
“Caterpillar’ copyright 2015
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

A-N-T-I-C-I-P-A-T-I-O-N: Journey of Courage – Day 25

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We are ready and willing, here and now, to be courageous. We release our minds’ ideas of security, of “right” and of “wrong”. We allow our personality to dissolve and to become One with the Love that Is, everywhere. All false boundaries evaporate like mist in the sun as we devote ourselves to the Oneness of Love.

Sharing

I have a friend who reminds me that the anticipation of pain is much worse than the pain itself. This goes for the anticipation of physical pain as much as for emotional or psychological pain. This is essentially the dictionary definition of fear: the anticipation of pain. Fear is not the pain itself; fear comes prior to the pain, caused by anticipation of pain.

Why am I bringing up fear and pain? Because I am thinking about courage…and I realized I am afraid of courage…then I realized I am not afraid of courage per se, but that I become afraid when I anticipate needing to be courageous. It’s the damned anticipation that throws a wrench in things, isn’t it?

I was here doing the Guiding Thought, picturing scenarios where I might need courage, including releasing ideas of security and allowing my personality to dissolve. In the anticipation, the fear came. Suddenly, I was in this whirlwind of wimp. But I am not a wimp! But I do think I am a wimp because when I think about (anticipate) being courageous I fall into fear, which leads me to think I am a wimp.

When I just face what I need to face, I am just doing it—and I am courageous: The anticipation of pain is worse than the pain itself. Wimp is the anticipation of pain; courage is just facing whatever is before me.

Here’s another thought: why would releasing ideas of security, of “right” and “wrong” and allowing my personality to dissolve raise feelings of fear? What is it about these things that I think would cause pain (because fear is the anticipation of pain…if I have fear, I must be anticipating pain)?

And I realized this is a HUGE clue to how subtly I hold onto my ego, that collection of ideas and beliefs about “me”. The thoughts of allowing and dissolving raised fear. What could be the only possible source of fear due to allowing and dissolving, but the (ego-)self being afraid of its own dissolution?

I wasn’t expecting this today. It was just enough of a fear-reaction to give me pause and alert me to something, but not enough to really scare me.

>Poof< There it is: Journey of Courage – Day 24

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We are safe in Divine Love’s assurance. We have the courage to face the ignorance and illusions within ourselves and root them out. We allow the Light of Love to enter our minds and hearts. Divine Love shines within us destroying anything false, transforming us from within.

Sharing

When the sun shines on a bike or car or building, a shadow is created. The shadow is nothing. The shadow is not even “the absence of light”. While there is a shadow, the object is in the light. The light is constant, just blocked, obscured but still shining! Remove the bike or car or building, the light shines on the same place, as it was. The light is unaffected.

“Allowing” light to enter our minds and hearts means to give ourselves permission to receive it. The Light is there, it wants to shine within us (because it is us), but it follows the direction of our thoughts, of our free will. The light is us, the light is within us. We give ourselves permission; we give light permission.

Permission is necessary while we are afraid of the shadows. Where there are obscurations of ignorance, there are shadows. When we allow the light in, it shines on our ignorance and obscurations; we see the block; we see a shadow. As long as a thing and its shadow frightens us, the introduction of light must be slow and gradual.

When we understand we do not need to fear the ignorance, the light, or the shadow, we understand the Love and Light we are! Unconditional Love gives us the assurance to accept this understanding. We are safe in Divine Love’s assurance, always, eternally, infinitely safe.

Healing happens when we feel the assurance of Divine Love, and every obscuration or fear of shadows suddenly disappears. The acceptance of Love’s flow is so sudden and complete, the mind does not have time to think! Does not have time to see the shadows! Does not have time to be afraid! There is just >poof!< the release of the block and the sudden all-enfolding illumination of Love.

Keepin’ it 100: Journey of Courage – Day 23

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Love is unconditional. We choose to be unconditionally devoted to the Love which is unconditionally devoted to us. We embrace life in Love as our True nature. Connected with All in Love, we stand boldly in our heart-centers, unwavering in our dedication to Unity of Life in Love.

Sharing

I have several wise masters in my life, friends, people who I can converse with or email when I need to do some external processing.

Usually when I am processing externally, there’s a lot of jumbling of words; I never say quite what I want to say in a way that really says what I mean. For much of my life, this inhibited my verbal communication. Since I couldn’t say what I meant clearly, and it was more of a jumbled mess, the respondent would react to what they thought I was saying. They were unable to help me clarify so there could be real communication. Then it just became more of a jumbled mess because then if I tried to correct their perception, they just thought I was being defensive. Eventually I stopped trying to correct people’s perceptions, and sometimes I just didn’t initiate any communication what so ever, but that’s really hard in relationships. I’ve “gotten better” on all counts—my communication is less jumbled from the get-go, and I am more patient with people’s perceptions.

But I am SO thankful for the wise masters who I call friends in my life who I can talk with as a jumbled mess, and they get it. With them I don’t have to worry about their reactions or perceptions; I don’t have to worry that they will be offended or take something personally. I don’t have to worry about being clear! I can say things that I know are from a “lower” part of my mind or emotions and they know I am working through something, working it out. Sometime “stuff” needs to come out raw and unfiltered. They listen beyond the words, hear beyond the ears. In those moments for me, they embody unconditional love.

Have you ever been in a situation where you just know someone loves you unconditionally? It’s so relieving! All worry and uncertainty fades. A weight is lifted: the weight of trying, the weight of pleasing someone, the weight of trying to figure out what someone else wants.

1 Corinthians 13 keeps going through my head: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” In the moments of being a jumbled mess with my friends, this is how they seem to me…just love.

Sometimes when I think about the Guiding Thoughts, they are so big. What do I do with them? How do I do this? Today’s is like that. How do we understand and give unconditional love? How do we devote ourselves to something so big and abstract?

And then I think about my friends. My wonderful, beautiful friends who teach me so much in such simple ways…if I could give to others what they give to me… it’s that simple. Love is simple: Listen. Be. Allow others to be. Doing these simple things with others is devotion to love, devotion to being love and loving.

Googolplexian Watts: Journey of Courage – Day 22

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

When we attune our minds to the Oneness that is All of Life, we understand our place in Wholeness. We are the very Presence of Life, and this Presence of Life is us. We are blessed through this understanding. In return we bless all we encounter.

Sharing

“When we attune our minds to the Oneness that is All of Life…” What does this mean? How do we do this?

It occurs to me that “attuning our minds” goes beyond the mind itself. If our minds were already attuned to All of Life, “we” would not need to attune them. Thus, the “we”—the operating subject in the first sentence is “bigger” than the mind. The “we” has what it takes (so to speak) to teach/attune the mind to Oneness.

In fact, the second part of that sentence, “we understand our place in Wholeness” confirms this. The mind becomes attuned; the “we” understands and does so apparently in a way the mind does not, for it is the “we” that attunes the mind.

What is it “we” understands that mind does not? This is explained in the next sentence: “We are the very Presence of Life, and this Presence of Life is us.” The first sentence is really telling us to use our minds to tap into what the “we” already understands.

The mind, too, is part of wholeness, of Life, and therefore also part of what the “we” understands. So, why do we need to attune the mind to the wholeness of Life, if it’s already part of it?

Think of All of Life being googolplexian watts of electricity. That electricity is everywhere, and can be accessed through the mind. Your mind is like the circuit breaker box which controls the flow of power into the home. The box is wired for a certain amount of wattage; your mind is “wired” to accept a certain amount of understanding of the All of Life. In other words, the mind controls how many of those googolplexian watts can come into your awareness and experience. If the circuit box is only wired to handle 1,000 watts, you will only have 1,000 watts of understanding. But like circuit breaker boxes, you can upgrade!

Attuning your mind to more of the All-ness of Life is making this upgrade, your understanding increases as you attune your mind to more of the All. How do you do this? What is this attuning?

  • Think about Life! Think about what it is and what it means to you.
  • Acknowledge and recognize Life. Perceive Life in everything!
  • Allow Life to teach you of itself. Be open to new ways of perceiving Life, of understanding what Life is.
  • Hear Life. Smell Life. Feel Life. Taste Life. Don’t limit yourself to “seeing”.
  • Be Life. As you do the four things above, say to yourself, “I am this Life! This Life is ME!”

And as you do this, you will understand the final sentence of the Guiding Thought. =)