“Reflections on The Gift of Losing It”: Journey of Purpose 2.0 – Day 19

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

You Are. You are Love. You are Kindness. You are filled-full. You have all you seek, for all you seek is within you. Now you can be who you know you are. Share your Self with all and hold nothing back.  Give All Love. The Fullness of your Self will return to you as every form, person, situation, circumstance, and event that renews your fullness. Do not worry or think about what may be…your Self Knows and orders your life for your perfect fulfillment. All you need do is remember your Self.



This is how my Journey has gone so far:

Copyright Susan Billmaier 2016 Created for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Susan Billmaier 2016
Created for susanwithpearls.com


Deep introspection, vigorous self-analysis, enthusiastic determination, and gusto bring about internal changes. Sometimes our brains/ego-minds don’t go as fast as the changes that are happening at deeper spiritual or emotional levels. The mind takes longer to process what’s happening; it doesn’t understand, it’s not in control, it’s being dragged along, flailing to figure out what its place is, what it’s supposed to be doing.

That’s when my own personal freak-outs happen. Then, I have to regroup and baby steps are how I do that. Baby steps lead me slowly…slowly…so my mind/ego can catch up; I regain balance and prepare to dig in again!

Today, I’m here to tell you: Don’t freak out about your own personal freak-outs. I have them almost every Journey (including this one); they are part of the process. The more intensely you go into yourself, the more you change, the more all parts of you will change. That means there will be parts that resist, lag behind, or actively rebel.

Don’t think that you are a mental or emotional mess because you are “losing it”. The messiness can be because you are getting it. Just stick with it, take the baby steps, back off a bit (but keep going forward), allow yourself be a little superficial (but keep moving).

Here is how the cycle has gone for me, with days corresponding to points in the cycle:

Smooth out, regain balance and equilibrium – 40 days, Journey of the Heart

Since it’s a cycle, it can begin at any point (and there are even cycles within cycles). This current cycle began with the previous Journey, which really connected me to my Self, bringing a relaxed calmness to my whole approach to this Journey.

Feel prepared and competent – the 10 days of reprieve between Journeys.

This was when I began to ramp up. I was excited about doing this Journey. I was ready to get back in my head! I was eager–chomping at the bit–to get going with this. So when this Journey began, I was able to be…

Intense and involved – the first 13 days of this Journey; they went by famously! Smoothly! Intensely!

Freak out  then I hit a wall. It was almost that literal. I felt flattened. It was day 14, the “Kick Debbie to the Curb” day. It got worse, too. Day 15 I was also freaking out. I was also freaking out at home, too, by the way: I had several good emotional releases during this 48 hour period (for which I thank my shoulder-at-home for helping me through). When I was “here”, it felt like eternity; it felt like I was never going to get out of it…which is why it’s so important to keep moving forward, even with…

Baby steps – Day 16, 17, and 18 were baby step days. I don’t know if you can tell that or not. I can tell–I know myself–and that is why I am sharing it now with you; those were baby step days. I did the minimum for reading/writing; I kept it neutral-to-light, definitely not deep or intense.

Smooth out, regain balance and equilibrium and Feel prepared and competent – Sometimes the baby steps are simply about moving forward slowly. Sometimes the baby steps also serve to balance me and provide equilibrium and encouragement. In this case, they did that; days 16, 17, and 18

Here we are at day 19. I’m back at Intense and involved. Today, I was all in when I read the Guiding Thought. I believed it. I could feel it. The words were real again, no skepticism, no doubt. I’m looking forward to tomorrow!

How are you doing? Can you relate to this cycle? What do you notice about what moves you, or what you move through? Have you noticed patterns for yourself within the Journeys?


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