“The Nonexistent Nothing”: Journey of Worth 2.0 – Day 31

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I have forgotten my Self. I have forgotten who I am. I have forgotten that I am established in Love and by Love, which is infinite and eternal; therefore, my worth is infinite and eternal. I seek to remember my Self. I choose to remember my Self.

I choose to remember who I am and my infinite worth in Love. I choose to be aware, to understand, and to Know myself (my Self) as the Love I am. I choose to share who I am with the world, giving my infinite worth, measured in infinite Love.

 

Sharing

Here it is, Round 4! See this page for information on the rounds and an explanation on how the Guiding Thoughts change for this round.

I am breathing a sigh of relief, how about you? It’s not over just yet, but being close always feels good. I can do this.

This morning, I experienced this Guiding Thought very poignantly. In the wee hours of the morning, I felt quite a bit of anxiety in my almost-awake sleep. I felt dread, fear, despair, uncertainty. It was like a panic attack…sort of. I could feel it, but I could also stay rational and outside of it (yes, I was asleep…).  I was able to keep the real panic at bay, so it did not overwhelm me, but I felt the constriction of my heart and chest; I felt the fear rise.  I knew what was happening, I just didn’t quite know why or what the impetus was.

I did what I know to do in these situations: I poured myself into God. I cling; I clung; I hold tight. This is a situation when clinging is preferable to letting go! I told God, “All I want is You. You are my rock, my anchor, my relief, my refuge. I go to you when I don’t know what else to do, so here I am.”

God wants us to cling to Him/Her. S/He wants us WITH Him/Her. And not just when the going gets tough. It’s so simple. God wants us to join Him/Her fully, consciously all the time. I used to think that God sent me trials and tribulations to try me, to test my mettle, to test my faith, or even to punish me because I had gone astray, and I had to learn to turn to God again, and always. But this was not a test: I no longer have to prove to myself or God that the only thing I want is that relationship. This was just me, being human and feeling.

I know what it’s about, this feeling (I still have it a little bit, I still feel the tightness in my chest). There is something really important potentially happening in my life. You know when something is really important there is a lot of stress around it, about it, because there are those things called attachments and ego-desires. I am–and have been–working on equanimity, working on saying to God, “Thy Will be done”. I’ve done a good job. I am not, at all, beating myself up about this–I’ve done the best I can and I know it. So this feeling is coming up precisely because I have done such a good job. There are simply more attachments to let go. The panic/fear is working to get me even clearer, because I have stayed in a constant state of keeping my mind on God all day. I keep telling Him/Her “You are all I want. I am open to what you have in store for me.” And the thing is: this is so true right now. I am in such a state of keeping this panic at bay that really and truly, God is all I want.

So, yes. “I have forgotten my Self. I have forgotten who I am. I have forgotten that I am established in Love and by Love, which is infinite and eternal; therefore, my worth is infinite and eternal.”

How do I know I have forgotten? Because….A Course in Miracles says it best:

“Perfect love casts out fear.

If fear exists,

Then there is not perfect love.

But:

Only perfect love exists.

If there is fear,

It produces a state that does not exist.”

 

If I were remembering myself as Love, there would not be fear. “I choose to be aware, to understand, and to Know myself (my Self) as the Love I am.” For that is all I truly am.

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