“My Spiritual Nerdism: Consistency And Intensity”: Journey of Worth 2.0 – Day 35

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

There is only one Will. That Will is Love. That Will is my Love, your Love, our Love, together. Only when I will in Love is the outcome assured in Love. Only when I will in Love do I know the results are truly beneficial to all, including myself. Only when I will with Love am I Free and I affirm with certainty “All is as it should be”.



“On a scale of 1-10,

how intense am I today?

how focused am I today?

how loving am I today?

how patient am I today?

how attuned am I today?

how balanced am I today?

how much do I feel in the flow today?

how connected to Divine Love do I feel today?

how clear do I feel today?”

These kinds of questions are always going on in the background of my mind. I am always checking in, doing a self-assessment. Thinking about where I am and where I am going. I’ve thought about keeping track of my numbers and then graphing them; that’s the kind of nerd I am. I really would do this (okay, I’ve even started it a couple of times).

I consider 5 to be my own personal neutral, normal. It takes some time to become accustomed to one’s own “normal” with these questions–everyone is different, and only you can decide what your “3” or “5” or “10” is.


Most of the time, I am a 5 or higher (pretty even overall) with moments of “better than normal”. There are of course, days like yesterday, when something happens and I just get all out of whack.

The goal is for your normal “feel good” to shift a bit higher up that 1-10 spectrum; your 5 becomes a 7 or 8, 90% of the time, a new normal “feel good”.

To do this, you have to first know how to get yourself “up”. You have to know what you can do to clear and balance yourself, how to get yourself into a flow, how to transmute disruptive emotions into peace, love, and harmony. You need to work at figuring out how to get yourself from a 3 to a 5, or from a 5 to 7.

Here are a few things that other people have suggested along the way:







Walking the dog

Taking a bath

Painting or creating something artistic


The point is, there are things that people do, and when they do them, they just feel better. People do these things, for example, when they are at a 3, in order to get to a 5 (“I am really stressed out, I need to go for a run”).

People who do things consistently that make themselves feel better, are constantly walking around feeling better, because they are being pro-active to stay feeling better.  And if that is the case, if they did just a bit more, they could conceivably raise their “normal” to a higher normal by simply adding enough activity to make themselves feel that much better.

Why am I even talking about this?

Oh, yeah…because…I have been thinking about my intensity, especially that of my intention, this past week. I feel like I have slid back a bit on intensity, and am at…maybe a 3. I’ve heard stories about musical performers who go on tour, performing the same songs day after day, week after week, and they have to bring the same (very high) intensity to every performance, otherwise they will let their fans down. But where do they come up with that kind of intensity day after day, week after week (that’s not drug or alcohol induced)? It’s that kind of intensity I am talking about.

I expect myself to be thoroughly in it. Completely involved, intense, focused, attentive doing these Journeys. But, I am not there yet, not at a point where I can do that. I still deflate. There still comes a point that feels like I’ve had too much, and my brain shuts down, literally, it’s like my brain cannot lift itself out of whatever quagmire it’s in.

There are traditions and practices which require attention  24 hours a day, thorough immersion, unfailingly. In these practices, one is engaged with the practice with every breath, in every thought, in all speech and action. I strive toward that. And I know I am getting better, after all…I’m doing a 40-day Journey every 52 days; that is not the activity of a slacker! But I do wonder about my overall progress, and if I am moving up the scale toward 10 being a new 5.


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