“I Found It!”: Journey of Healing 2.0 – Day 23

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We rely on our own Loving Presence to lead and guide us toward the meaning of healing. Seeking the meaning of healing frames all our activity and gives context to all our interactions. Though we may encounter disturbances throughout daily activity, we lay them at the feet of our own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing?” Our own Loving Presence directs us as we listen in the stillness.

 

Sharing

I often ask questions (seek answers) that I know are beyond my current comprehension. For example, recently I’ve been asking, “What does it feel like to be buoyant?” And what I mean by that, as I am asking, is really, what do I need to embody to rise above the disturbing effects of physical life? I’ve been experiencing some “disturbing effects” lately, and I’ve vacillated between optimism and despair, but in those moments of optimism, there has been a buoyancy that just existed–I didn’t do anything that I’m aware of to make it happen. So now I want to know how I replicate that consciously. I don’t know how to do it, I don’t understand it, but I know I can.

Another example is that I’ve been talking to angels lately. (That sounds kind of weird for me to say, even to me, but there it is…I’ve been talking to angels). The thing is, I don’t know what to listen for, if an angel responds to me. How do angels communicate? Do angels talk and use words? Is there some energy or vibration I could be aware of? Do they just communicate by acting in my life, and I need to be able to recognize it? Talking to angels, I can do that; receiving communication from angels, though is currently totally beyond my comprehension (well, maybe not totally, I’ve understood a few responses…).

When I ask, I get answers. I don’t always recognize the answers, but I do always get them. I think of it as a way that my sub-conscious is working with me to progress my understanding.

This Guiding Thought falls into this same questioning/seeking answers, “What is healing?” What is healing right now? And now? Every moment there is an answer to this question, and it may not be the same from moment to moment. It’s my job to be alert, to want to know the answer, and to look for it. I can only find if I seek, and since I always get answers when I seek, seeking is finding.

  • First I must seek.
  • Then I must accept that seeking is finding.
  • Then I must do my best to recognize answers.
  • I won’t ever recognize the answers if I don’t know what I’m asking/seeking.
  • It’s in my best interest to consciously ask/seek, then at least I know what I am looking for.

When I am doing this, which is every day when I am on a Journey, I am always alert, always looking for how every situation applies to the Journey, how every situation is speaking to me, giving me answers.

Because I don’t always comprehend, I can still get lost in “the disturbances of daily activity”. Sometimes there is so much to sift through, sort out, figure out that I feel overwhelmed, even when I am applying the principles in the Guiding Thoughts. And even though I understand that I can “lay the disturbance at the feet of our own Loving Presence”, it’s not always easy to do.

But you see, I just found an answer: there is absolutely nothing for me to “sift through, sort out, or figure out”. No wonder I feel overwhelmed. I’m trying to do it. I’m trying to do it alone. It’s not the disturbances I need to lay at the feet of my own Loving Presence…It’s my feeling that I need to do something that I need to lay down.

 

“Let Love Do What Love Does”: Journey of Healing 2.0 – Day 22

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

 

Guiding Thought

We go deep within our inner stillness, and feel Divine Mind’s presence within. We hold out our empty hands, symbolic of leaving preconceptions behind; symbolic of seeking True answers, and ask, “What is the essence of healing?” These words resonate within us, as though in a vast cavern.  The word essence reverberates with these thoughts, “For what do we care most deeply?”; “What is our  essence?”; “What is our Truth?”; “Where is our deepest hurt, pain, and sorrow, that all may be healed?”

Sharing

I questioned myself today. For just a moment, I thought, “what if I am the sneaky/guilty/plotting person that that person thinks I am?” It took just a second to shake my confidence, to rattle my cage, to make me question myself. I haven’t quite recovered.

Yet, in that moment, I also saw an opportunity for healing.

At this point in my life, I know in my heart, in my mind that I am a good person. I am kind. I am loving. I care; I give care. I am generous. I want to be truly helpful, and I truly want to do and be what is best for All. It took a long time for me to really accept myself this way. But now, I know, and most of the time I don’t pay attention when people project or blame or call me names.

But today it got to me. Today, I saw darkness within, where someone else was projecting their darkness. Instead of my light of knowledge burning through their misrepresentation, I saw the darkness. It was momentary, fleeting, but it was there, and in that moment I could not breathe. The projection was not real, nor was the darkness.

Darkness simply needs to know itself as what it truly is: light and love–it just doesn’t know any better than to live as darkness.

I haven’t quite recovered. But I am healing.

The darkness that I saw in that fleeting moment is a place within myself that needs my love, a place that is vulnerable, a place that is insecure, uncertain, and weak. It does not trust Love, so it tries to take control. That very control is what makes it insecure, uncertain, and weak. If it would just let Love do what Love does, it would know itself as the greatest power in, through, and above the earth! But no, it wants its own way, even when its own way is the very thing that makes it weak and vulnerable.

I picture this darkness scared, curled up in a corner, shielding its face, trying to hide while being utterly exposed. How can I not feel sorry for it? Have some compassion for it? It looks neglected, dirty, uncared for, but most of all frightened. Darkness does not need blame or condemnation; it needs my love and understanding.

I know this image is answering this question: “Where is our deepest hurt, pain, and sorrow, that all may be healed?” I may not know the specifics of this pain, but I am being shown something deep within that needs healing.

I am able to say to it: “For what do we care most deeply?”; “What is our essence?”; “What is our Truth?” Because it is me, I am it, we are One. If I am to discover what I care for, or what my essence is, or what my Truth is, this dirty frightened darkness is part of the answer. All parts must be unified, all hurts exposed and brought to light. I must love all of myself, lift all of myself.

“Today, We Start Again”: Journey of Healing 2.0 – Day 21

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Welcome to Round 3!

This is where I and you become WE! (See this page, under the heading “Four Rounds”, for more information about how things change this round).

 

Guiding Thought

We clear our minds of all past notions of what we think healing is. We erase all memories and stories from our thoughts, leaving only a clean slate. We turn our attention to our Inner Divine Mind and ask, “What is healing”? We wait and listen in silence; we take our attention deeper into the vastness of Divine Mind and ask again, “What is healing?”, “What is wholeness?”, and “What is holy?” We wait and listen. Feeling stillness, we simply pause in the quiet and await the answer.

 

Sharing

A Sufi story:

At the time of Omar Khayyam, the great Persian mathematician, philosopher, and poet, a great war raged. A great Khalifa fought with his enemy; they had been fighting for thirty years.

The Khalifa was strong. The enemy was strong. The fight seemed endless, a lifetime of bloodshed.

One day, after all this time, the opportunity arrived for the Khalifa to strike a final blow. The enemy fell from his horse! The Khalifa jumped upon him with his spear, ready to strike the final blow. In one short second, the spear would have pierced the heart of his enemy and all would be finished–the war would be over.

But in that second, the enemy did one thing: he spat in the Khalifa’s face.

The Khalifa stopped, the spear frozen in its striking-posture. The Khalifa touched his face, lowered his spear, and said, “Tomorrow, we start again”.

The enemy was puzzled and asked, “What is the matter? We have both been fighting for this moment for thirty years. I have hoped to be at your chest with my spear to finish you, but that moment never came for me; there you were, poised in that very moment I have longed for against you, and you stop? What is wrong with you?”

The Khalifa said, “This has been no ordinary war. I took a Sufi vow that I will fight without anger. For thirty years, I fought without anger. But in that moment, when you spat, I became angry. The fight became personal. I wanted to kill you. The ego came in. Up until now, that was not a problem, we were fighting for a cause. My enemy was not you, it was not personal, I was not interested in killing you. I just wanted the cause to win. But in that moment I forgot the cause. You were my enemy and I wanted to kill you. That is why I cannot kill you. So tomorrow, we start again.”

But the war never started again, because the enemy became a friend. He said, “Now teach me; I would like to fight without anger.”

“Damn That Hindsight”: Journey of Healing 2.0 – Day 20

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Give today to Light. Feel the Light within pour forth; feel your radiance, your glow. See—with your inner eye—this light envelop and infuse all you encounter, all your words, and all your actions. Watch as others resonate with you, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of your own. To all beings and all situations today, offer only light, and learn, as you do, the wholeness of your Self.

 

Sharing

There are days when following the “instructions” of the Guiding Thought are easy, the energy flows, and I feel on top of everything. Today is not one of those days: I’ve been struggling. My mind has not focused at all, I feel distracted; I feel worried about the future. Even the regular things I do to balance, center, and get the energy flowing have been difficult, and have not succeeded in bringing about my inner attunement.

UGH. There are points, like this, when my mind is saying, “You know better.”… “Get your shit together.” … “You can do this.” … “What is your problem?” But my body/emotions are not cooperating. My body is tense; I feel constrictions in my chest and arms; my emotions are worried…yes, mostly just worried. I feed my mind good thoughts, but they don’t seem to hold. What do I do?

I found some relief remembering yesterday’s post. Funny that. Maybe that post was prescient.

The point about yesterday’s post that helped is that despite all this, I am still Light; the Light is still within me; the Light still pours forth. I can’t stop it; I can’t be disconnected from it, but I can feel disconnected.

Feelings are just feelings. They are not the Truth. Feelings are not what or who I AM. The Light is Truth. Love is Truth. Truth is not dependent upon me or my feelings.

But here’s where I’ve gone astray: the mind can’t do it alone (even though on day 16 I loudly proclaimed my penchant for metaphysics). I’ve been “trying” too hard to allow my mind to do it all on its own. I really should know better by now. I’ve been imbalanced in my other physical practices of earth (body/physical), air (ether/energy), water (emotion), and fire (mind); it is these practices that assist in releasing the barriers I’ve built against Love. Yes, I’ve been doing a lot of earth, as I’ve mentioned a few times. But I’ve been doing very little air or water–and those are huge; they cleanse the energy-systems and the emotions so that the mind can be more relaxed and attuned.

This is one of those moments when “hindsight is 20/20”.  “…If only I had taken more baths this weekend…” “If only I had done more mantra…” “If only I had breathed for an hour…” But I didn’t, and my mind is restless, my body uncomfortable, my emotions wonky.

I do know better. Recently, I’ve allowed myself to become less disciplined–not taking baths, not doing mantra, not breathing… I don’t want to just know that “in spite of all this” I am Light… I want to Know my Self as Light. Time to renew my disciplines and get my Whole Self aligned.

“YES, Even Then.”: Journey of Healing 2.0 – Day 19

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

You are the Light of Love. Light saturates your mind and body, surrounding every thought, and radiating out to All. Everything radiates Light in return. Everywhere is Light. Rest in Peace in Being Light.

 

Sharing

Even when things “don’t go your way”…

Even when you have “negative” experiences…

Even when someone “does something to hurt you”…

Even when you feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, sad, embarrassed, picked on…

Even when a relationship ends…

Even when your boss reprimands you…

Even when your best friend doesn’t want to talk to you…

Even when you are laid up in bed…

You are the Light of Love.

Your Light radiates out to All.

Everything radiates Light in return.

Love is what you are, who you are.

Love, as Light is always returning to you. How can it be otherwise?

The only things getting in the way of you experiencing Love, experiencing yourself as Love, are the barriers you have created against It.

Release your barriers. Know Love…even when things “don’t go your way”…

Even when you have “negative” experiences…

Even when someone “does something to hurt you”…

Even when you feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, sad, embarrassed, picked on…

Even when a relationship ends…

Even when your boss reprimands you…

Even when your best friend doesn’t want to talk to you…

Even when you are laid up in bed…

“Not Sartre’s Either/Or”: Journey of Healing 2.0 – Day 18

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Decide today to be aware of your Whole and Holy Self working within you, expressing through you. As you move through the affairs of your life, with an open mind and empty hands, look first to your Whole and Holy Self for guidance. Your only decision today is to be aware of your Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with your Self.

 

Sharing

Today I feel like I am in an either/or place. I can either be aware of my Holy Self working within me, or I can move through the affairs of my life. I can’t do both at the same time.

I spent a good amount of time this morning connecting with my Self, being aware of my Self, even talking to my Self. But as soon as “the affairs of my life” started, as soon as there was activity happening, I felt like I froze, and all of that flowing Holy Self energy shut down.

I sort of know what is going on, at least.

I am in a situation that I feel I must respond to. I feel like I no longer have an option. If I analyze this feeling, it boils down to feeling no choice, which (according to the Behavioral Barometer I mentioned on Day 15), expresses through feeling attacked.

I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked.

Which is all very interesting, because as I have been in this situation over several years, the two things I have told myself repeatedly about it are from A Course in Miracles, Lesson 135: “If I defend myself I am attacked, and the words “I need do nothing”, from the ACIM text (18.7).

First, “If I defend myself I am attacked, has to do with seeing through the illusion, identifying the ego’s machinations and manipulations. When the ego’s projections become obvious, they also become obviously flimsy, weak, powerless, substance-less. If a person can see through the illusion, they realize there is no reason whatsoever for defense because there is nothing real that can harm them; the attack itself is an illusion.

Fortunately, very early in this situation several years ago, I was able to see it as the ego-projection illusion that it was. I have been able to stay “above the battleground” most of the time, or been able to pull myself up above the battle through reminders and understanding what is going on.

Second, as for the phrase, “I need do nothing”, these words have been a comfort and a guide. There are two main things that go along with this idea: 1) doing anything requires the use of the body. To rely on the use of the body is to deny the help of Spirit, or Christ. By doing nothing, the door is opened for Christ to be welcomed. 2) When Christ is welcomed, there is a union with the Christ Self. Thus, the phrase, “I need do nothing” becomes, “I need do nothing alone”.

When I began, I said, [Today] “I can either be aware of my Holy Self working within me, or I can move through the affairs of my life. I can’t do both at the same time.”

And now, I see my folly and my answer. I still need do nothing. But I do need to choose. Choosing releases the stuck energy of feeling like I have no choice, thus feeling attacked. Choosing paves the way for acceptance…

I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to…

As Ken Wapnick says, “[the work] is not meant to be manifest in terms of what we do, but much more, the decision is in our minds, in terms of which teacher we will choose and which thought-system we would identify with (the ego or the Holy Spirit). The one we choose is the one that extends through us.”

As it has been all along, the decision is not about what to do, it’s about where I place my faith, and what I choose to rely on.

And I am reminded of this, which I read recently in The Angels Within Us: “You will not need to fight in this battle; take your position, stand still, and see the victory of the Lord on your behalf.” (2 Chronicles 20:17)

I have work yet to do. Clearly I need to strengthen my faith, choose to identify with the Holy Spirit, and stand still (and do nothing).

 

References:

ACIM, I need do nothing: http://acimsearch.org/text/18-7-i-need-do-nothing/

ACIM, If I defend myself I am attacked: http://acim.org/Lessons/lesson.html?lesson=135

ACIM, Above the Battleground: http://www.circleofa.org/course_miracles/T-23.IV.php

Ken Wapnick, I need do nothing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehGwCwjja6A

“And Now for Something Completely…”: Journey of Healing 2.0 – Day 17

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Love is Wholeness. The essence of Love is Peace. The essence of Wholeness is Unity. Your essence is Love, therefore, your essence is Peace; your essence is Unity. Since your essence is Unity, you share Love and Peace wholly. Knowing the Unity of Whole Love and Peace with All is the essence of holiness. Choose to be aware, to understand and to Know your Whole and Holy Self, which is Love. 

 

Sharing

The Guiding Thought felt really convoluted today. Such repetition! Such overlap! Such intermixing, intermingling, and tangling of words! What does it all mean??

No more words. This is how I straightened my thoughts out. How would you depict this Guiding Thought, if you were to depict this Guiding Thought?

Journey of the Healing - Day 17 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls.com
Journey of the Healing – Day 17
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls.com
Journey of the Healing - Day 17 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls.com
Journey of the Healing – Day 17
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls.com