I go deep within my inner stillness and feel Divine Mind’s presence within me. I hold out my empty hands, symbolic of leaving preconceptions behind; symbolic of seeking True answers, and I ask, “What is the essence of healing?” These words resonate within me, as though in a vast cavern. The word essence reverberates with these thoughts, “For what do I care most deeply?” “What is my own essence?” “What is my Truth?” “Where is my deepest hurt, my pain, my sorrow, that all may be healed?”
Yesterday, I wondered why this Journey begins by leaving behind everything I think I know about healing. The theme continues today with the “empty hands”, and I am beginning to understand the why.
There are two things happening for me already as this Journey begins.
First, a whole bunch of emotional/situational stuff is already flaring up. In my body, I feel tenseness in my chest, that feeling of being trapped and suffocated, timid and uncertain, fearful of the future and the unknown. Yesterday, it was an inner, mild feeling, without an object. I recognized it as an appropriate (and even expected) response to erasing what I think I know and bringing myself to a clean slate. Emotionally, it was the equivalent of pulling the rug out from under myself, dismantling a familiar foundation, or being in totally new surroundings. But it was something I was doing, so I felt like I could handle (control?) it. It was scary but not unmanageable; I was opening to something new, unknown, unfamiliar.
Today, the feeling became reflected in my outer experience; today it was not just within me–there was an actual physical situation which elicited the same response as yesterday, including the physical symptoms, but more intense. With it outside myself, I felt out of control. What do I do? The fear was greater, because, feeling out of control, I felt threatened. At a very deep level, I felt my very life threatened, even though this situation was nowhere near that serious. Underlying the situational fear was the fear of death, that somehow this entire situation would lead to my demise.
Why do I need to begin with a clean slate and empty hands? Because how would I get at those deep levels of fear, if I did not give myself permission to heal my deepest hurt, my pain, my sorrow?
Also, I recognize in this a connection between the “dying” of the ego to the Divine Self. Leave everything behind! Start anew! That which is being left behind, being transmuted, is the ego-identification; it is the thoughts of separation, division, defeat, destruction, better-than, fear, death, etc., which are being transmuted into Unity, Oneness, Love, and Peace.
Also, here is a theme that has not come up for a while, but it’s very important to remember during Journey of Healing: If you ask, you will receive. During this Journey, we are asking for healing. This, where is my deepest hurt, my pain, my sorrow, that all may be healed, is not a trivial thought; do not take it lightly. You are asking. You will receive. You may or may not feel ready for receiving, especially since it is asking to find pain and hurt for healing.
Today, I said to Tam, “I really am not ready for this Journey”.
Tam: It ain’t about bein’ ready…
Sus: Argh. What’s it about?
Tam: Doing the best you can, every day.
Tam: to keep your word
Tam: your commitment. Stick to your declaration. Be dedicated.
Sus: >I feel like crying<
Tam: … to the 7.125 billion people in the world
and all the sentient beings
If I am feeling this, perhaps you are too. Stick with it. We’re in this together. Just a little bit, every day. I never know why Journeys take the path they do–I am learning more and more to trust where I am lead, as my highest Divine direction. Just trust. And Follow your Divine Guidance. Let it be. Go through! Go through! I give myself blanket permission to cry. I use crying like a pressure-relief valve. I don’t have to know or understand why I am crying, I just let it out, let it out, let it out…. whatever it is. And keep going.
I really mean this to be encouraging! 🙂
OK, the second thing that is already happening on this Journey is that healing information and people are coming across my path: A dear friend suggested a book called Medical Medium by Anthony William. I bought it immediately and am soaking it up. There is SO much we do not know! There is so much intelligence beyond our current understanding! There is so much we can do for ourselves right now. Like I said, when you ask, you receive! I will probably be referring to this book, and other information that is coming across my path as we move forward. Keep your eyes open! Everything you encounter now can be used for your healing! Let it!