I decide today to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me, expressing through me. As I move through the affairs of my life, with an open mind and empty hands, I look first to my Whole and Holy Self for guidance. My only decision today is to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with my Self.
Here is why this Journey is important for me at the moment:
Do you know how it feels when you are in a persistently stressful situation? And even though there are better days and worse days, there is a blanket tension and stress? And do you know how it feels when you can feel the stress building and you know something is going to happen? And then there is more anxiety…the anxiety of waiting, of anticipation? And then you get into a situation, which you have absolutely no control over…someone else is arranging your future, with no possibility of you having any input…
Have you ever felt this?
The first part above is a portion of my daily life. There is a very stressful situation, with blanket tension every day. You may say, “Well get yourself the hell out of that situation!” And, I hear you; there is truth to that. I really do need to get myself the hell out of it. But, as we adults know…sometimes there are factors we must consider (like where we will live and how we will support our families), that prevent the optimum decision for oneself. These are the trials of life, this is how we learn and grow.
On the better-worse scale, today was worse. But–and this is important– I did not feel the anxiety, the stress, the adrenalin rushing through my body. I did not go into fight or flight, my brain continued to receive oxygen; I was not in panic-mode. I actually felt relaxed and oddly peaceful throughout the worst.
Why is this important, and what does it have to do with today’s Journey?
I have been working very hard through this Journey to “be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me, expressing through me”. This morning, when I did my meditation, I think my Self knew what was coming in the pipeline for today because I kept “seeing” myself in the situation, with my Holy Self towering over, above me, filling the entire room with light. Thus, I was able to sit in the situation (powerless, you know that feeling), and not feel angry, upset, or in despair. It was as though I was able to “move through the affairs of my life, with an open mind and empty hands”. I had no expectations; there was nothing that screamed, “This is terrible, the end of the world is coming!” Instead I felt very calm, even optimistic.
This is not the end…this is the beginning of yet another phase of the persistently stressful situation, until I get myself the hell out. But until then, I am so thankful for my Holy Self.