Decide today to be aware of your Whole and Holy Self working within you, expressing through you. As you move through the affairs of your life, with an open mind and empty hands, look first to your Whole and Holy Self for guidance. Your only decision today is to be aware of your Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with your Self.
Today I feel like I am in an either/or place. I can either be aware of my Holy Self working within me, or I can move through the affairs of my life. I can’t do both at the same time.
I spent a good amount of time this morning connecting with my Self, being aware of my Self, even talking to my Self. But as soon as “the affairs of my life” started, as soon as there was activity happening, I felt like I froze, and all of that flowing Holy Self energy shut down.
I sort of know what is going on, at least.
I am in a situation that I feel I must respond to. I feel like I no longer have an option. If I analyze this feeling, it boils down to feeling no choice, which (according to the Behavioral Barometer I mentioned on Day 15), expresses through feeling attacked.
I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked. I feel attacked.
Which is all very interesting, because as I have been in this situation over several years, the two things I have told myself repeatedly about it are from A Course in Miracles, Lesson 135: “If I defend myself I am attacked”, and the words “I need do nothing”, from the ACIM text (18.7).
First, “If I defend myself I am attacked”, has to do with seeing through the illusion, identifying the ego’s machinations and manipulations. When the ego’s projections become obvious, they also become obviously flimsy, weak, powerless, substance-less. If a person can see through the illusion, they realize there is no reason whatsoever for defense because there is nothing real that can harm them; the attack itself is an illusion.
Fortunately, very early in this situation several years ago, I was able to see it as the ego-projection illusion that it was. I have been able to stay “above the battleground” most of the time, or been able to pull myself up above the battle through reminders and understanding what is going on.
Second, as for the phrase, “I need do nothing”, these words have been a comfort and a guide. There are two main things that go along with this idea: 1) doing anything requires the use of the body. To rely on the use of the body is to deny the help of Spirit, or Christ. By doing nothing, the door is opened for Christ to be welcomed. 2) When Christ is welcomed, there is a union with the Christ Self. Thus, the phrase, “I need do nothing” becomes, “I need do nothing alone”.
When I began, I said, [Today] “I can either be aware of my Holy Self working within me, or I can move through the affairs of my life. I can’t do both at the same time.”
And now, I see my folly and my answer. I still need do nothing. But I do need to choose. Choosing releases the stuck energy of feeling like I have no choice, thus feeling attacked. Choosing paves the way for acceptance…
I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to… I AM choosing to…
As Ken Wapnick says, “[the work] is not meant to be manifest in terms of what we do, but much more, the decision is in our minds, in terms of which teacher we will choose and which thought-system we would identify with (the ego or the Holy Spirit). The one we choose is the one that extends through us.”
As it has been all along, the decision is not about what to do, it’s about where I place my faith, and what I choose to rely on.
And I am reminded of this, which I read recently in The Angels Within Us: “You will not need to fight in this battle; take your position, stand still, and see the victory of the Lord on your behalf.” (2 Chronicles 20:17)
I have work yet to do. Clearly I need to strengthen my faith, choose to identify with the Holy Spirit, and stand still (and do nothing).
ACIM, I need do nothing: http://acimsearch.org/text/18-7-i-need-do-nothing/
ACIM, If I defend myself I am attacked: http://acim.org/Lessons/lesson.html?lesson=135
ACIM, Above the Battleground: http://www.circleofa.org/course_miracles/T-23.IV.php
Ken Wapnick, I need do nothing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehGwCwjja6A