“Damn That Hindsight”: Journey of Healing 2.0 – Day 20

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Give today to Light. Feel the Light within pour forth; feel your radiance, your glow. See—with your inner eye—this light envelop and infuse all you encounter, all your words, and all your actions. Watch as others resonate with you, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of your own. To all beings and all situations today, offer only light, and learn, as you do, the wholeness of your Self.



There are days when following the “instructions” of the Guiding Thought are easy, the energy flows, and I feel on top of everything. Today is not one of those days: I’ve been struggling. My mind has not focused at all, I feel distracted; I feel worried about the future. Even the regular things I do to balance, center, and get the energy flowing have been difficult, and have not succeeded in bringing about my inner attunement.

UGH. There are points, like this, when my mind is saying, “You know better.”… “Get your shit together.” … “You can do this.” … “What is your problem?” But my body/emotions are not cooperating. My body is tense; I feel constrictions in my chest and arms; my emotions are worried…yes, mostly just worried. I feed my mind good thoughts, but they don’t seem to hold. What do I do?

I found some relief remembering yesterday’s post. Funny that. Maybe that post was prescient.

The point about yesterday’s post that helped is that despite all this, I am still Light; the Light is still within me; the Light still pours forth. I can’t stop it; I can’t be disconnected from it, but I can feel disconnected.

Feelings are just feelings. They are not the Truth. Feelings are not what or who I AM. The Light is Truth. Love is Truth. Truth is not dependent upon me or my feelings.

But here’s where I’ve gone astray: the mind can’t do it alone (even though on day 16 I loudly proclaimed my penchant for metaphysics). I’ve been “trying” too hard to allow my mind to do it all on its own. I really should know better by now. I’ve been imbalanced in my other physical practices of earth (body/physical), air (ether/energy), water (emotion), and fire (mind); it is these practices that assist in releasing the barriers I’ve built against Love. Yes, I’ve been doing a lot of earth, as I’ve mentioned a few times. But I’ve been doing very little air or water–and those are huge; they cleanse the energy-systems and the emotions so that the mind can be more relaxed and attuned.

This is one of those moments when “hindsight is 20/20”.  “…If only I had taken more baths this weekend…” “If only I had done more mantra…” “If only I had breathed for an hour…” But I didn’t, and my mind is restless, my body uncomfortable, my emotions wonky.

I do know better. Recently, I’ve allowed myself to become less disciplined–not taking baths, not doing mantra, not breathing… I don’t want to just know that “in spite of all this” I am Light… I want to Know my Self as Light. Time to renew my disciplines and get my Whole Self aligned.