“Living a Koan”: Journey of Abundance 2.0 – Day 09

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Divine Abundance expresses infinitely through my own Divine Presence. When I identify with my Divine Presence, I open the floodgates and Divine Abundance flows naturally, easily, and effortlessly through me, materializing all good in my life and affairs.



Yesterday I had a conversation with one of my teachers. She said (paraphrased), “There is so much confusion and chaos happening in the world these days, that at some point people can’t take it anymore and they just give up and say, “Not my will, but Thine be done.” In my experience recently, this happens over and over and over; chaos comes in waves. A wave comes and life becomes disrupted “all over the place”, with questions, and “problems” to figure out. Then the wave passes, either having driven me to the point of giving up, or to the point I think I can handle it, “I got it all under control”. Then the next wave comes, and I’m working through it as best I can, but working, taking a lot of mental and physical energy to deal with these situations that feel chaotic or disruptive. There are several different situations in which this seems to be the case in my life; they alternate with each other, when one wave is cresting, the one right behind it is hitting the ground, propelling it up and toward me.

I have surrendered to individual situations regularly, with each wave (I’ve talked about my work with surrender many times here). More and more, I’ve been at the point of giving up, totally. I am so tired. I’m tired of all this effort. I am tired of trying to figure it all out; tired of having to deal with wave after wave. Maybe the point of all this is to get to a point of total surrender.

Why do I mention this on day 09 of the Abundance Journey?

Because in this state of mind, it does not feel like anything is flowing naturally, easily, or effortlessly…including surrender.

But wait! Just 3 days ago, I noticed this:

If Divine Mind is constantly providing me with ideas, material goods, situations, and interactions to fulfill all my needs and desires, then my needs and desires are constantly being met.

If my needs and desires are constantly being met, then every situation I encounter, every material thing I have, or receive, every person, event, and situation is something that fulfills a need or desire.

What gives?

Here is one idea to answer my own question:

Surrender is on the same side of the coin as “abstract mind” and figuring it out is on the same side of the coin as “rational mind” (refer to yesterday): Spirit and mind.

Today, my mind and Spirit are enacting a different (bigger) version of yesterday’s drawing experience, which by the way I now see stemmed from the Koan-day on Day 07. I like it when I can see connections between days, even if I don’t completely understand them, or know where they are leading me.

So, you see, the “chaos of life” is a living Koan. The mind tries to figure it out…tries and tries, efforts, struggles, thinks it knows everything, until, finally “At some point, the brain becomes completely exhausted, realizing the futility of its task, and abandons its assignment.  This is precisely when the answer comes. To find an answer, all logic, reasoning, thinking, figuring out, or effort has to be suspended.” AKA: Surrender.

Yesterday in my drawing, I tasted a small, total surrender…and had complete cooperation with my rational mind. It was small enough that it was not a threat, and my rational mind had no problem stepping aside. Today I was able to see this dynamic with more clarity as it is playing out in my life. This, too, does not feel threatening; I am not in a situation where I need to either figure anything out, or surrender. I can just see it.

Awareness…it’s a good thing.

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