Fear. AKA Growing pains.–Journey of Gratitude 2017, day 39

This is unusual for day 39 of any Journey. Normally (what, really, is “normal”?), by day 39, I am wrapping the Journey up; I am seeing clearly; I am seeing connections and understanding the inter-relations between different experiences and aspects of the Journey. Not this time. What does it mean?


Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Gratitude makes all things new! When I am aware of my Source in Love, I see its activity everywhere. It is the Substance of Life itself! I am in the flow and create and expand with Love, in Life!


I had some fear come up today. It’s different than the edge-of-panic-anxiety that has accompanied the daily influx of cultural and political shifts that have been occurring over the past few months. I’ve been learning to deal with and transform that.

But today’s fear is similar to the more standard fears I’ve dealt with over the past four years on the Journeys, and thus, it has surprisingly taken me aback. It was as though everything I “know” and have practiced flew out the window. There were a series of things that happened that brought up my a) fear of the future b) fear of change c) self-doubt d) fear of ego-centrism e) discomfort f) fear of growing and expanding out of my comfort zone. All these things came up in about an eight-hour period, just one thing after another.

I kept noticing (how could I not?), and working on keeping my thoughts clear and loving, but underneath, I felt very shaky, wondering what is going on hereHave I really not gotten past all this stuff?

Apparently not.

And that is why today’s Guiding Thought is so important, and why this whole Journey is relevant: I can see that old stuff with new eyes, and transform it through gratitude.

Remember (I’m reminding myself!): Everything, Everything is here for my benefit, for my spiritual growth, for my enlightenment. Of course I am grateful for it. Everything is given to me by Love, with Love, that I may experience more  Love. Of course I am grateful for it. Whatever the sticking points are, they are showing me what I need to release and transform. Of course I am grateful for it.

I have asked for this. I have asked for growth. I have asked for expansion. I have asked for healing. I have asked for Eternal Peace and God’s Infinite Abundance. I have asked for Infinite Love. I have asked to be of service to the Divine. Of course I am changing. My little mind no longer can hold the influx of growth coming at me. These are growing pains, nothing more. And I am so thankful for this opportunity to create anew, and to expand into the infinity of Love in Life!


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