The 13-year old is right?: Journey of Courage 2017 – Day 11

Today I’ve experienced a bit of a throw back. Or deja vu. Or reminiscence-as-reality. I really don’t know what this is today. But, if you have followed along on previous, earlier Journeys, today’s dynamic is much like a dynamic that was much more familiar in earlier Journeys. Oh, yeah, and in case you’ve missed them, the 13-year old and  the skeptic both make appearances today…as well as some new personality that I have never encountered before. Oh my.

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Copyright Tam Black 2015
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Guiding Thought

Life is a process of Self-discovery. Embrace All of Life, for All of Life is who you are! As you embrace Life as your Self, you come to understand Life as yourself. Life embraces you gently and joyfully in return.

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Part of me thinks I’ve become too cocky with these Journeys, because today is hard and I feel like I should be above that. Shouldn’t the Journey be easy, since I’ve been doing these for several years? And now I feel aggravated. I feel like I used to feel in the early days of doing Journeys: stuck, frustrated, and a little pissed off. Aren’t I beyond this?

Argh. Apparently not.

And you know why?

Because Life is a process of Self-discovery (“Duh, and since life is infinite, Self-discovery is infinite, and that means it never ends, and there are always new things to discover. “)  Yup, that voice is the re-emergence of the 13-year old in my head. No respect, I tell you–no respect.

Apparently, the 13 year old is here to knock me down a notch. I did say I felt like I was getting cocky, didn’t I?

Yeah, geez. I’ve got the whole crew here, today. The skeptic is here as well. I re-read the Guiding Thought, to focus myself, to re-center, to assess my mood, in relation to the Guiding Thought; I was fine until the last sentence, then the skeptic jumped in and said, “Really? Life embraces you gently and joyfully in return?? Since when? I don’t think so.”

Ok, yes. It’s been a rough week in some ways. There have been several ongoing situations in addition to several momentary situations that have been uniquely stressful and a bit overwhelming. But I thought I was handling it all pretty well.

But then (as the 13 year old just reminded me), I also thought I should be beyond the stuckness and frustrations of a Journey.

Seriously: I really thought I handled my rough week with composure and ease. (“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t stressful…” chimes in the 13 year old.) And, I had several pretty intense spiritual insights–which I would think are indicators of being in the flow, of being relaxed, and at peace.

I don’t know why I feel stuck. I also feel…wait, what was that? It came up, then disappeared… It was…. I feel stubborn. I feel belligerent. I feel like my arms are crossed over my chest, and my posture is in a pouting pose. What the heck is that?

Why is this stuff coming up now? What, even, is this stuff? I have no answers. I don’t know what is going on. Self-discovery it is! With a touch of Self UNawareness.

It’s true. Since life is infinite, Self-discovery is infinite, and that means it never ends, and there are always new things to discover.

 

 

 

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