Whew! Just one day left now. I am at an unusual place for this stage of the Journey (i.e. almost done). Usually around day 36, I am resolving, wrapping up, noticing all the connections, having Ah-has all over the place. But not this Journey. You’ll see…
I accept my light and my lightness! I feel my Self expand! As I perceive change around me, I remain anchored in my Being of Light. I allow myself to sit peacefully in the still place of nothingness as life moves quickly around me.
There are so many levels and layers that these Guiding Thoughts work on: conscious, sub-conscious, super-conscious, heart, mind, body, emotions, spirit…and all of the combinations of ALL of those.
Sometimes I can feel myself responding more emotionally than anything else, but that does not mean that spiritually or mentally, things aren’t changing or shifting as well. Likewise, if I understand something consciously, there are probably also sub-conscious or super-conscious connections being made as well. I really believe this: that the Guiding Thoughts “work” on me to evolve my consciousness, in exactly the right way for my highest spiritual development, whether I know it or not.
This, in my humble opinion, is what makes a practice a practice. The practice evolves you when you simply do the practice. For example: Breathing is a practice. When someone, anyone, does a breathing exercise as a routine, committed practice, that person is evolved through the breathing. Yoga is a practice: The body/mind change (evolve) when yoga is done daily. Prayer (or chanting, or mantra, or kirtan) is a practice. When performed regularly, it has a tangible affect on the body/mind/spirit.
There are, of course, ways to make the practice more effective: by bringing more awareness or attention to the practice, by affirming an intention or a specific mind-frame before performing the practice, or by committing to a certain goal through the practice.
Here is why I am writing all this about practice: because I’m not “feelin’ it”. Yes, that’s right. I haven’t “felt it” for about 10 days. Or, maybe I should say, “it” comes and goes, but mostly has been gone. I do the practices, but my “heart isn’t in it” or I feel very superficial, or I feel like “nothing is happening”. These feelings though, I may point out, are more hopeful and positive than (for example) active resistance, despair, or even “just not wanting to”– all of which I have felt at other times in my life.
My explanation is that the practices, my commitment, devotion, and intention, are all working on me on a level where I am not consciously aware.
I love my practices (this is not the only one I have/do). I love how my practices keep my mind on the right track, my emotions balanced; how my practices pull me back when I reel out of control or spin. I have enough experience with my practices to know that this feeling…this “superficial, my heart’s not in it, there’s nothing happening” feeling, is absolutely fine. It’s all just part of the process, all just part of the Journey.
Though I must say: I do look forward to feelin’ it deeply, with strength and power once again.