Love is everything. Perfect Love is Original Source, from whence I came. I return to the awareness of the Love I AM by simply releasing anything and everything which inhibits my consciousness of my True Self. I release those inhibitors now, and Know myself as the Love I AM.
I feel a lot of emotions of insecurity about this Journey. It’s very personal, this Journey. My insecurities do not arise from the process of doing the Journey–I am quite used to that by now; they do not arise from the desire for wanting to Know Love, to create as Love, to be One with Love, these too have been with me a long time. The insecurities arise instead from the sharing, from you being an observer to this process.
About a week ago, I was talking about my practices with Tam and about wanting to intensify them, and take more time at them; Tam said simply, “You are not a monk! Not in this lifetime, anyway.” I cried. I couldn’t help myself; I am not a monk and that makes me very sad.
If I were a monk, I would be doing this in solitude, in the inner depths of my mind and heart, with no fear of the you who I now share this with.
But no. In this life I am choosing to share the process of becoming enlightened, the process of mastery, now, here, today, imperfectly perfect, step by step. What are your judgments? What do you think? Do you criticize my use of words like “Perfect Love” or “Original Source”?
I feel self-conscious. I have lived with my own desire for God all my life. I am used to it. But I have not shared it publicly, until I began writing as Susanwithpearls.
You would think that I would be used to this too, by now, since I’ve been writing as Susanwithpearls for four years.
But no. This Journey feels deeply personal, getting at a layer of honesty about my deepest desire for God, in a way that I have not approached previously. And you are here to witness, and that’s scary.
You are my void,
My all-seeing I.
You are the abyss into which I caste myself.
Into nothing, nothing goes.
Purified of nothing, I remain.
“Simply releasing anything and everything which inhibits my consciousness of my True Self”…not so simply.
If it were simple, I would not have admitted everything I have just written; I would have released and been done!
Perhaps the writing is the release, and now I am one step closer.