Guiding Thought

I allow my physical body to experience itself fully as Light and Love. My physical body embodies Light; I am an expanded body of Light and Sound. I move as Light, perceive as Light, behave as Light—I am everywhere—permeating, expanding, unifying, and healing. All things are possible.

Reflection

Today I spent a little over 5 minutes contemplating the Guiding Thought. As far as my “normal goals” go—goals like awareness, depth, understanding, or realizations—it was a lower-than-average day. I felt somewhat confused and bewildered with the Guiding Thought; I had no real insights; I did not really understand the “how” of the Guiding Thought; I could not feel it.

But I did have one redeeming thought: Keep it simple, silly Susan. I am very thankful that I determined to keep this Journey simple at the outset.

The one—and only—thing I determined about this Journey in the beginning in order to keep it simple was: judge nothing. 

I have been practicing this more than I have written about these past few days, but here’s a quick snapshot:

1. My cat is dying. Judge nothing.
2. I have eaten meat twice in the past week, and have been wanting “junk-comfort” food. Judge nothing.
3. There was an amazing screw up at work while I was away, that is now up to me to fix. Judge nothing.
4. “Oh dammit that tone really annoys me”. Judge nothing.
5. One person completely changed plans, which potentially affects at least 8 other people, which I need to resolve. Judge nothing.
6. I have not been meditating at my usual pace. Judge nothing.
7. I have felt like a hypocrite beyond what I wrote about on day 05 (refer to numbers 2 and 6). Judge nothing.

Thank God for “judge nothing”. It’s sort of like I am forgiving myself in the moment, when I do something I (could otherwise) “feel bad” about, or when a situation arises that I (could otherwise) have an adverse reaction to. Everything is forgiven, because, since I am judging nothing, there is nothing “wrong”.

In one way it’s very freeing (thank you!), because I have actually noticed a difference in my immediate response, and thus in the immediate situations (harmony, peace, solutions), as things have come up. It’s like I have been embodying the term “equanimity”.

But there are other things I notice, as well:

1. I have wondered if instead of embodying equanimity, if I have been feeling apathy, or disconnected. Equanimity is the ability to be totally engaged in a situation, without feeling attachment to a particular outcome. Apathy is caring very deeply about the outcome, but instead of doing something about it, choosing instead to shut down the emotion, rather than deal with it. Disconnected is dissociating from a situation, so that the ego-identity is protected (producing a victim-like subconscious response). I do think I have been in a state of equanimity. But, you know me…I think about these things…and I worry, sometimes: if something like apathy or disconnected are hidden, I want them to be revealed and healed.
2. I have worried that my apparent relapses (eating meat, not meditating “as much”) are going to drag me down, and I will not be able to lift myself back up. Will I be able to get myself back into the flow of my Self? If not, will I be able to continue to say, “judge nothing”? I keep telling myself that this is just part of a phase of ultimate release, a necessary step that only feels like it’s “backward”, but is really part of an overall upward movement.

When it comes to my spiritual movement, yes I worry. I want to be as clear as I can; I want to embody as much love and light as I can. So, when I am not sure what I am doing, or if I am making headway or sabotaging myself, I worry. What bothers me also, is when I feel like I don’t care about getting myself back on track—like the apathy I describe above. But then, if I am judging nothing, then feeling apathetic is irrelevant, because I am not judging what I am feeling or what I think it is.

There sure are a lot of complex emotional nuances I am considering today regarding my emotional state, despite my promise of K.I.S.S.S.

Thus. judge nothing. And tomorrow is another day.