Of Siblings and Oreos: Journey of Freedom 2017–Day 32

Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I willingly release patterns, habits, and thoughts that inhibit Freedom. My thoughts and feelings transform through remembrance of Freedom through Love. I was born with everything I need to be Free in Love. I allow Love to lead me. I trust Love and surrender to Its wisdom.

Reflection

My sister likes to tell this story about us as kids:

There was one time when my sister and I both got a treat. I think it was Pringles or Oreos. We got the same number of whatever it was, because heaven forbid one of us would have more than the other.

Generally speaking, we would torment each other in whatever way was at hand. Specifically with treats, whoever still had treats left after the other one had finished all hers, smirked flaunted the fact that she was enjoying treats while the other sat empty-handed.

On this particular day with the Oreos–I think it was Oreos–we sat together and savored each bite, each making sure not to eat too quickly, so as not to finish first.

Ahhh, but alas, I finished first, and my sister enjoyed her remaining Oreos in my face (so to say).

When she was finally done with her last Oreo, I smirked and chuckled, and pulled out an Oreo from my hiding place! Then I proceeded to savor it while she looked on longingly.

When I was done, I looked at her with a smug, satisfied smile, which she then promptly wiped right off my face by pulling a hidden Oreo out of her hiding spot.

She had gotten me, and she knew it, as I dejectedly watched her eat that Oreo, which she really enjoyed as much for the taste of victory, as for the creamy filling.

When she was finally done, and preparing to take her victory lap, once I again I smiled that smug, satisfied smile, and pulled one more Oreo out of my hiding spot.

I knew now that I had really won. She did not expect me to think so far ahead (I’m the younger sister, of course her expectations were low). She had not planned for the double-hidden-Oreo trick. I had outfoxed her.

This story has been told over the years with different emphases. One emphasis has been how smug I used to be (I was, too). One emphasis was how cunning I was. One emphasis has been how much of a hoarder I used to be.

It is this last emphasis that I am focused on today.

As a kid, I would “squirrel things away”. I always had a savings account. I always had money (usually hidden somewhere).

I can’t tell you why. I don’t really know what this part of my young psyche was about. But I do know that holding onto money, “saving for a rainy day”, was reinforced in me through scenarios like the repetition of the double-hidden-Oreo trick story, and my parents pointing out to me how well I saved money, or how much like a squirrel I was.

Fast forward to present-time.

As you know, I actively work on releasing patterns, habits, and thoughts of all kinds, not just the ones which inhibit freedom.

Recently, I have been working on release patterns, habits, and thoughts specifically related to lack and limitation, also known as poverty consciousness.

I’ve considered that this would be a better exercise for Journey of Abundance, but since poverty consciousness inhibits freedom, it works pretty well for this Journey too. Sometimes I don’t consciously control the themes or directions of the Journey; stuff comes up that needs to be released in its own time, its own sequence. I just follow my inner guidance.

Recently, I have felt unease about the flow of money in my life. It’s not that I haven’t had enough money; it’s more that there is a new dynamic with money. There has been a change, a transition in the circulation of money in my life. And I realized that the circulation (income, out-go), had me a bit uncomfortable.

This was when I really started remembering the stories of my youth, and my characterization as a hoarder and a squirrel.

Suddenly it made sense to me: I have an emotional/mental/physical pattern regarding money that says I am safe and comfortable only when I hold on to money.

Since I have been doing the work of releasing patterns and habits, especially as they relate to abundance and poverty consciousness, as soon as I understood this as a pattern, I immediately did a little prayer/mediation to release that pattern.

I can feel that there is more to release, but that was a solid first step that I can feel propelled me forward.

The lessons of abundance, as it relates to freedom have been life-long for me. There are issues of trust and surrender, of self-esteem and worthiness, of listening and acting. At least now I have a handle on the hoarder-squirrel.

 

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