At the end of each Journey, I reflect on “how I did”, assessing how well I met my goals which I set forth in the first day of the Journey.
I had two goals for Journey of Freedom: 1) Keep it simple. 2) Release judgment.
I also committed myself to going as deeply and intensely as I could.
Yes. I definitely kept it simple.
There were times when I found myself trying to complicate things by trying to figure them out, or interpret what things meant. I did a really good job reminding myself that I do not have to figure everything out. Indeed, there are many times when I do not have enough information to figure something out.
Moreover, just this week, during my days of rest, I had a flash of thought from out of nowhere that said, “You don’t have to figure it all out!” Yes, the “voice” was bolded. What was funny to me about this was that I hadn’t been thinking very hard at all about anything—but I could still feel myself, somewhere in the back of my head, trying to figure it out. This demonstrates a huge benefit to the days of rest. That down time opens the space for my inner wisdom to recognize when I have some subtle energy or thought that needs corrected, and then it can scream at me, so I will hear it.
When my inner voice screamed at me, it also seemed to light up the energy-thought forms that were lingering in the back of my mind so that I saw them. It was, literally, like a lightbulb went off in my head, and I saw something that I knew was there, but it was in the dark. I had a full realization of the pattern playing in my thoughts about putting pieces together, making them fit, figuring it all out. And in that moment, I knew: I don’t have to figure it all out. When I told Tam about this, Tam said, “kind of sounds a lot like ‘you’ll be in the right place at the right time, doesn’t it?” Exactly. So I was able to let go.
Yes. I definitely released judgments.
I am very pleased with myself and the effort that I made to release judgments. There were so many times during the Journey when I noticed a mental, physical, or emotional behavior that I was exhibiting and I recognized it as “old”.
This is no longer who I am. I don’t need this anymore. I’ve grown out of this. At least, I want to grow out of this. It’s a little scary. I can see there is a different behavior in front of me. But it’s scary. I’ve never done this before.
This applied particularly to my thoughts and feelings (which translate into behaviors) about how money flows, and how I need to behave to make sure I have enough. Where an old pattern popped up and said, “Oh! No! you can’t spend money on that…you don’t know when you are going to need that money…you need to keep it, not spend it….keeping it keeps your money, and you, safe”, a new pattern was saying, “Let it flow…Let it flow!” Yes, it was in the tune of the Disney song. No, I did not instigate that; it’s one of those tricks my inner Self sometimes plays on me; it brings humor to my panic (letting go of my old pattern), to let me know that everything’s going to be alright (yes, Bob Marley…you see what I have to put up with from my Inner Self? I Love You, Inner Self, I’m just kidding!)
So, here’s what I did when I found myself in such circumstances as releasing old patterns and embracing new ones. First, I recognized that I was having an “old pattern” moment. Awareness is key. Then, I assured myself that there are lots of ways to be in the world, to play with money (or whatever) in the world; there are lots of people who do not keep their money for a rainy day, and they get along just fine. Then, I reminded myself of what I want, of what the new pattern is that I want to embody, which is: trust, flow, circulation, believing that everything comes to me when it’s supposed to come to me, that God is my Source, and that I am taken care of and provided for. Then I just shifted. Sometimes I had to breathe a little bit, but basically, I just decided to embody the new pattern, and all it entails. And I moved on.
The one thing that I would like to do better on the next Journey is committing myself to going as deeply and intensely as I can.
I think in some ways, there was a conflict of interest between keeping it simple, and going deeply and intensely. For me those two things may have felt mutually exclusive on this Journey. This is something I am going to have to be more aware of for future Journeys. Keeping it simple does not (necessarily) mean keeping it superficial, but I think the concepts were conflated in my head for this Journey.
For next Journey, I am going to focus again on deep and intense. Quality. Getting at “it”.
I look forward to seeing you tomorrow for the beginning of Journey of Peace!
Love and blessings to you.