Outside Myself: Journey of Peace 2017– Day 04

Copyright Tam Black 2017
for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

I am fulfilled! I am filled to the utmost capacity! I embody All that Is. I am beyond complete! I accept and receive the beautiful gift of Life, and Know the perfection of the Love I Am. In gratitude I share this Love with All that Is.

Reflection

The overarching theme for the day is feeling alienated, disconnected. That’s almost funny, isn’t it? Considering being connected is an idea inherent in the Guiding Thought, though it’s not stated explicitly (what else could “embodying All that Is” mean?).

I felt like I did not understand the Guiding Thought today. I felt my mind was dull and almost bored. Don’t misunderstand: I held engagement with the Guiding Thought for over 5 minutes: my mind didn’t wander, I was focused…but everything was dull, like I had taken a numbing drug prior to starting (which I did not do…).

I felt like there was a part of me that did understand the Guiding Thought, “completely”. Yet, at the same time, my brain did not feel like it was sparking with understanding.

I feel as though I could try to think harder about it, try to do my logical-sequencing, but since my mind feels dull, I have no motivation to do that.

Neither did I feel clear at all about how I understood the GT. I knew that I should understand it, that I have understood it, but today, it just wasn’t there.

Because there was a part of me that does understand it, it was as though I could see what I was missing, but could not access it. There was a Knowing “I” watching “me”, watching me feel numb and dull. “I” was aware of this Knowing “I”, which I think made it more difficult, because “I” knew that I Know it, but could not step into the Knowing.

Have you ever read Flowers for Algernon? It’s about a man with a low IQ who is given surgery to increase his IQ. With his new intelligence, he becomes a new person. He has lively conversations, wonderful conversations, becomes a socialite; there is a love story…but alas, the effects of the surgery wear off and he slowly slips back to being a dullard. At the end, it becomes clear that he remembers who he was during the time of the experiment, but he also fully understands that he cannot access it.

That’s how I feel today: my brilliance has faded and I cannot access it. Fortunately, I have faith my brilliance will return! These things (seeming set backs) are always temporary.

 

 

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