I Want Control!: Journey of Peace 2017– Day 27

Copyright Tam Black 2017
for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

The Peace of God is stronger than our self-constructed obstacles to It. We open our mind to holy communion with the Divine. Brought to union with God, obstacles crumble. Peace stands victorious. We are that Peace.

Reflection

I’ve had a lot of “stuff” coming up for me over the past week or so, maybe longer.

What strikes me as relevant to today’s Journey is about bringing stuff to God (“brought to union with God”).

In order for obstacles to crumble, I have to be proactive in bringing those obstacles to God. If I don’t do that…I’m on my own.

I have one situation that has been ongoing for a few years. I’ve come a long way with it, and I am very happy at my emotional-spiritual progress with it. I can tell that I have released an enormous amount, and I have learned to trust God’s Love as the essence of healing in all situations (even this one).

However, just this past week, I caught a glimpse of something still there.

I had a decision to make, and I was thinking it through. Here is the internal dialogue modified only slightly, to make use of today’s Guiding Thought:

“Bring your obstacles to God…”

“What if I don’t want to”?

“Why would you not want to?…obstacles crumble in union with God”.

“…because…what if God doesn’t do what I want Him to do. I need to make the decision, to make sure I get what I want”.

What???  “…because…what if God doesn’t do what I want Him to do”???!

When I heard myself “say” that, I was appalled. Even though appalled, I recognized that part of myself. There was something familiar about it. I felt thankful that that part felt comfortable enough to just blurt that out. This is after years of letting those inner voices have a say–they no longer need to hide. They know I won’t attack or scold them for saying what they really think and feel. I think this particular voice was really young–maybe four or five.

I also felt grateful to know there is a part of me that has not surrendered, and still wants to be in control. That part does not trust God (yet), that part has an agenda.

We are still working it out. I have not yet brought that particular obstacle to God, and I feel like I have been lax in bringing a lot of my recent obstacles to God. I see this as a symptom of the influence of that particular part. But gently, I am working with it to let go, gently letting it know that God really does know best.

Sometimes “working on stuff” means stepping back and letting the Holy Spirit, the part of my inner Self that mediates between my personality and the Divine, to take over, removing my conscious mind from the situation. That is what I have done with this. I continue to call upon my Higher Self, my Divine Presence to work with that inner voice that wants control.

The problem has been that since I have actively removed my conscious mind from the interaction, to allow my Divine Self to work within, I can’t confirm that there is actually work being done. I can’t feel it, and nothing is “happening” in my mind/emotions/life.

So here I sit. Trusting. This too is working itself out. I remain active in my commitment, in my dedication, in my daily practices. That must be enough for now.

 

 

 

 

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