Lessons in Forgiveness (Purpose 1.2.35)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My Purpose is to awaken to the Truth within me and share it. The Truth within me–My Inner Divine Mind–flows constantly and purely. As I go deeper in my awareness, the current of this broadens, strengthens, and brightens. It fills me and pours forth. This is my Source, the Source of all my good, all my happiness, and all my abundance. I awaken to my Inner Divine Mind and invite It to express itself as every person and event that will increase my awareness of It.

Sharing

  • Miracles are everyone’s right, but purification must happen first. (A Course in Miracles, Principle of Miracles, #7)
  • Miracles are natural expressions of total forgiveness. Through miracles, man accepts God’s forgiveness by extending it to others. (A Course in Miracles, Principle of Miracles, #21)
  • It is the privilege of the forgiven to forgive. (A Course in Miracles, Principle of Miracles, #27)

Sometimes when you invite Inner Divine Mind to express itself as every person and event that will increase your awareness of It what you get is purification.

Purification does not always feel happy, light, and blissful. Sometimes it feels like trials, tribulations, tests, or challenges. Sometimes it feels like you’re failing and falling apart, at least that’s how I feel sometimes.

I’ve had a lot of forgiveness purification lately.

First, the other day a Ricky Gervais show was playing in the background while I was doing some housework. He’s a comedian, but the particular story that began his joke started this way (paraphrased), “I got this Tweet from someone showing the horrendous way the Chinese treat dogs. They eat the dogs, and they think that torturing the animals makes the meat more tender; the Tweet was this video of two Chinese men in a public square beating, blow-torching, and skinning this dog alive…”

In general, I avoid all shows/articles/podcasts that talk about the horrors of how humans mistreat animals and the earth. I am not one of those people who needs to be “informed” by these things, and I am way too sensitive to the images and descriptions–I cry and cry, and the images haunt me for a long time.

But there it was, the mental image of a dog being tortured in China. Just thinking about it now I’m starting to cry.

The other day, I mentioned that I felt like I was grieving for humanity. This does not mean that I feel grief for humanity; it’s more that I feel the grief of all of the creatures of all the earth, and the earth herself that humanity has treated so disrespectfully, has hurt again and again and again. What we do to all, we do to ourselves, and this is our current legacy.

Thinking about that dog opened the grief floodgates. I started feeling the pain of the dog,  the pain of the whales and dolphins, of the wolves, the birds, every little being, the isolation of the earth and her creatures, the devastation that humans have wrought everywhere with our destructive, greedy, selfish ways of living.

Through tears and tears all I could think was, “please forgive me, please forgive us; I love you so much, you are so beautiful, we have done so wrong, please forgive us.” I was talking to the dog, the sea, the life in the sea, the forests, the earth, everything.

There was no relief. I did not feel comforted; I did not feel like things are going to change anytime soon; I did not feel like people are going to wake up and suddenly realize, “oh, we need to treat all of life better!” This is what I meant above, when I said sometimes it’s not always happy, light, and blissful.

Second, I was driving home the other day and a school bus stopped in front of me, and let off some kids. I observed one little African American boy, and I thought, “what a beautiful child…peace, peace, peace…take care of the little children…”

From out of nowhere, a voice responded, “Why should I take care of the little children? No one has ever taken care of me.” And the image was of that same child, now an adult, hardened by life and racism, of isolation and dis-empowerment, left to figuring out life for himself, without support, without care–being cared for.

This image was a symbol for how people feel in general. Uncared for. Isolated. Lost. Hardened. Unfeeling.

This all happened very fast, and was not like I did it, it just started playing out in my head: the next minute, my mental image was back to the child, and I was on my knees in front of him saying, “forgive me. please, forgive me.  I am so sorry that I was not there for you, that I did not protect you, that I did not care for you. I am so sorry… I did the best I could. I did not listen to you, I am sorry. Even when I did listen, I didn’t hear you. I am sorry. Please forgive me.” And I was crying, both in the mental image, and through the body that was driving home.

I knew that this body, this personality that I am, had nothing to do with that boy, or asking for his forgiveness. Again, it was symbolic. I was asking for forgiveness from every child, and everyone who has ever been a child. It felt so important to receive forgiveness, even for things I, personally, had never done to that particular boy. I wanted to go around to everyone and ask forgiveness in this way, for anything and everything, “please, forgive me–I know I didn’t do it, but you have to start somewhere, you have to begin to forgive those who really did hurt you, so just forgive me, practice with me, forgive me, please”.

Finally, both of those scenarios were about me asking for forgiveness on behalf of others (humanity, parents…). The third thing that happened was about me doing the forgiving.

There is someone in my life who is mean and destructive and petty and vengeful. Whether true or not, I have felt targeted with all of this.

Here’s what happened: I was driving (I do a lot of this work while driving, in case you hadn’t noticed), and I was thinking about forgiveness (since I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately), and out of nowhere a voice said, “You need to forgive >this person<“.

did not want to. I could feel myself clench and resist. But I knew I had to. So I started, “I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you for being mean. I forgive you for not knowing what you are doing. I forgive you for your pettiness”. And I repeated those things several times.

I would like to say that I found relief. I would like to say that I felt release. But I can’t.

Purification does not always feel happy, light, and blissful. Sometimes it feels like trials, tribulations, tests, or challenges. Sometimes it feels like you’re failing and falling apart.

Right now, I’m exhausted.

Confidence. (Purpose 1.2.34)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My Inner Divine Mind is always expressing itself in all ways through my own Loving Presence. This is Its True Nature, thus this is my True Nature. I turn to my Inner Divine Mind as the Source of my happiness, my purpose and my fulfillment. I allow It to flow through my Own Loving Presence and appear as all my activity, as every visible form and experience I desire.

Sharing

During Journey of the Heart–which is designed to by-pass the thinking brain, and get to deeper more-subconscious communication with Self–I came up with some pretty wild designs and drawings that I could not replicate today if I tried. I was definitely in tune with that deeper part of myself, and it was flowing through me and into the pictures. But could I interpret them either then or now? Nope. Do I know what they mean, what they were expressing, what they were “saying”, or teaching? Nope.

But I could feel it. I could feel something moving within me, something shifting, changing. I’m different, but I would not be able to put it into words, or explain it, or tell you what has changed, or what about me is different.

I don’t know if those effects of that Journey has maintained momentum through this Journey, or if this Journey is having the same effect, but the feeling is the same.

I’m changing. I’m different. I just feel it. I know it. Unlike Journey of the heart, I do have some words to explain it today.

I feel more confident. I feel like I am able to trust my Self and myself more than I did 6 months ago, a year ago. This confidence feels like inner strength. I feel like I can reach into my inner strength and be supplied; I feel more accepting; I genuinely  like-love practically everybody, and I want to share this strength/confidence with them through the like-love (so I talk to them about “normal” things, but it feels like I am loving them as we talk).

Is this what the Guiding Thought is getting at?

(I think it might be)

 

Protect me from myself (Purpose 1.2.33)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I am now fully conscious of my own Loving Presence which seeks expression through me. My own Loving Presence Knows my heart and Knows my happiness. It Knows how to fulfill my heart and bring me joy, by placing me in right situations, with right people, at right times where I may fully express my purpose. I submit my mind and heart, all my thoughts, words, actions to my own Loving Presence to be lifted to her/his vision and plan for my life.

Sharing

Does my purpose have anything to do with what I am doing? How do I distinguish between actions that are (Truly) Purposeful and those that are (merely) actions? Is there such a distinction; is this a legitimate distinction?

When I am connected to (aware of, conscious of, open to) the Holy Spirit, every action is Purposeful in its highest sense. The Holy Spirit is the necessary ingredient to True Purposefulness.

This is a sub-theme of the over arching theme that I have been working with: Seeking the Kingdom of Heaven first, last, and always, or in short, “100%”.

My Purpose has nothing to do with my material circumstances, my daily activities, my job, who I work with, etc. My Purpose has everything to do with Holy Instant and how often I achieve conscious Unity with the Holy Spirit, how often I embody Christ Consciousness.

I have to let go of thinking about Purpose in terms of things I achieve–goals, tasks, etc. And instead train myself to think of Purpose as a State of Mind, of Awareness, of Being.

True Purpose is achieved only in union with the Holy Spirit. When True Purpose is achieved, all actions are Truly Purposeful, and have True Meaning.

In a State of True Purposefulness, “I” do not choose the situations, people, thoughts, words, actions that I am doing/acting. I tune in and listen to the Holy Spirit. That is my role. That is my job. That is my purpose. The Holy Spirit directs my thought, words, actions.

Until I can do this, and be in a constant state of union with the Holy Spirit (that 100%), then it’s my responsibility to submit my choices (the ones “I” make independent of the Holy Spirit), for His consecration, to be resolved and utilized in the highest way possible. This is the safeguard. This is how the Holy Spirit can protect us from ourselves, and from our mis-using our oh-so-powerful creative minds.

Thus: I submit my mind and heart, all my thoughts, words, actions to my own Loving Presence to be lifted to her/his vision and plan for my life.

And keep working toward that 100%

Re-ordering (Purpose 1.2.32)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My Own Loving Presence is my Self. I turn my attention inward and become aware of my Own Loving Presence. With my focused awareness, my own Loving Presence fills me, grows brighter, and grows warmer. I claim my Self with these words:

I AM My Own Loving Presence. My Loving Presence is the Self of myself. I love my Self!

I want to give my Self everything it desires–and my Self wants the same for me. What do I desire, but total Peace, Freedom, Love, and Harmony? These are the infinite and eternal qualities of my Self! I am now aware of the inner activity of my Own Loving Presence and I invite it to express itself through me and externalize in my life as circumstances, people, forms, and events that fulfill my desires.

Sharing

Lots of things in my life lately–since the beginning of 2018–have not gone “as planned”.

  • A project that I had intended to complete last month is still barely off the ground
  • I started my tax-information gathering back in November; it’s still not done
  • Weather has made in-person meetings suddenly into video-conferences
  • I put some devotional practices together, that (again weather-related) were interrupted.

I start things, they take longer to complete than expected; things come up and get in the way; things come up for other people involved, and cause delays. This seems to be happening for me in many areas.

I’ve also been a lot more non-specifically emotional these past few months. I told a friend that I felt like I was grieving for humanity. I’ll have moments of sadness and tears that have no identifiable cause. I’ll have moments of tears, and sometimes don’t even know the emotion associated with them.

A friend came over this past weekend and did a fire ceremony with me and we talked about how, during such ceremonies, people can become “a mess” and “fall apart”. When I do the fire ceremonies by myself, I fall apart regularly–tears and tears!

“Crying: the best way to wash your face”.

My friend said, “Let yourself fall apart” (“oh, I do!”); “it’s the release of ego–let it go!”

These things–things not going as planned, and tears–seem to be happening more regularly, and more frequently. I’ve been getting used to the tears for a few years now, so that’s “nothing” to me anymore. I just weep, let it out, don’t try to stop them, don’t think too hard about it, then in just a few minutes it’s over and I get on with whatever I was doing.

But the things not going as planned…that’s newer, and I’m not yet adjusted to it. I’m glad I’ve noticed it. Now, when things don’t go as planned, I can just think, “oh, here we go, this is that again” and not worry about it or think too hard.

Especially because when things don’t go as planned, they have been going just fine.

With these Journeys, we reach higher. We ask for more. We connect with the Self of ourselves, which wants to bring us everything we desire, in its highest perfected state. Sometimes that means letting go of ego, in order to receive total Peace, Freedom, Love, and Harmonysometimes that means allowing our Divine Self to literally re-order our lives in a way that brings us our deepest/highest desires.

 

 

Lesson on the Kingdom (Purpose 1.2.31)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

 

Welcome to Round 4!–we are in the homestretch now! There are only 10 days left. We’ve done so much these past 30 days; do you realize how far you’ve come? Once more, the pronouns change with this round, and we are back to using “I” as the subject of the Guiding Thought. However…you may notice that you do not feel the same way about “I” as you did in the first round after having been through “you” and “we”!

Guiding Thought

There is a Perfect Spiritual Idea of Perfect Fulfillment. My Inner Divine Presence Knows every form, experience, situation, event, circumstance, condition, relationship, and sequence that fulfills my desires. When I am diligent about maintaining my focus of desire on the loving benefit and fulfillment of all sentient beings, Divine Substance–which is the source of Spiritual Idea’s manifestation–flows through me and externalizes in my experience. Divine Presence appears as the perfect fulfillment of every single form, experience, situation, event, circumstance, condition, relationship, and sequence that I could possibly desire.

Sharing

Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all things shall be added unto you. (Bible, Matthew 6:33)

The Kingdom of Heaven is within you. (Bible, Luke 17:21)

The Kingdom of Heaven is you. (A Course in Miracles, Chapter 4)

 

I’ve written a lot about the idea of deciding 100% for God and the Holy Spirit. Once we make that decision 100%, we experience a shift from a consciousness of separation into a consciousness of Oneness; we experience Divine Perception; we experience the Holy Instant, perpetually.

This shift begins (or at least it did for me), with traditional concepts of surrender. Surrender, bears with it ideas of sacrifice or submission, and can feel scary, as though you are losing a part of yourself.

Deciding 100% for God and the Holy Spirit is more like a cooperation, a partnership; there is no loss, but a greater fulfillment, an added dimension of power to the (ego-less) personality.

I’ve been in and out of this space for a short time, going back and forth between my ego wanting to be in charge, and my higher Self wanting to choose God and the Holy Spirit 100%.  My mind has been experiencing this as a conflict, regarding a particular situation I am in.

On the one hand, my ego-self, tied to human solutions, including constructs of laws, rules, “payback”, “giving someone what they deserve”, etc., wants to charge forward using everything available to “solve” this problem. My ego-self knows it can win. It knows it can use these human constructs very effectively to get what it wants–to overcome, to dominate, to win.

And thinking in those terms felt so good. It felt powerful, motivating, successful (even before the fact).

But it also felt wrong. Part of me pointed out that human constructions cannot “solve” spiritual “problems”. If I were going to give in to using human constructs, then I would be denying the power of God, denying the flow of the Holy Spirit.

But I could also feel a part of myself wanting it to feel right. I could see a possible path of rationalization where I could make it feel right.

Do you see the conflict?

So, I went within and asked for guidance. The answer was: Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven. Seek ye the Kingdom of Heaven first, last, and always. 

What my inner-guide was telling me was that I can’t say that I rely on God, that I want to give myself to God 100%, and then use human constructs as a crutch when things don’t go my way. I must completely give up any reliance on human “solutions”. I must trust God. I must trust that when I trust God, when I seek the Kingdom first, last, and always, that His solutions are truly what I want.

It felt like a huge lesson, but one that got me even closer to that 100%.

 

Expression Accomplished! (Purpose 1.2.30)

Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

The world awaits our expression!  We are here to align with our purpose, participate with life, and share our Self. With each moment we spend cultivating our Own Loving Presence to be attuned with Inner Divine Mind’s expression, the more we encounter the Perfect Spiritual Idea in our life activities. We choose to be aware.  We choose to understand. We choose to Know. We choose Life!

Quick Check-in Sooooooooooo … how are you doing? I know, I know, most people ask  that casually not expecting any kind of an authentic answer; it’s just part of the oh-so-common superficiality of the world these days. And, you may think I am asking in that same superficial way, especially since you can only give me an answer mentally, by email, or in the comments. I’m asking because I  genuinely care. You don’t have to be a friend, a follower, or even on this Journey, I care…so. how are you? Just pause a moment, and think what would I tell someone who really cared, and really cared about me; from my  heart of hearts, what would I say?  Then tell me silently in your head (or email me, or leave a comment) and through your heart. We are connected. You’re not alone. I care. There are people who care, and who are working with great commitment for us all to get through this …whatever your this is.

Sharing

My Purpose. My heartfelt expression. Participating fully with Life. These are scary things.

More than anything I want to be the Love I Am, to express, and share that with the world, to participate fully with Life.

And yet…I don’t think I am doing that. I feel like I am not doing that.

I am aware of the Buddhist response: “What you seek is merely a definition. Release the definition and arrive, for you are already there. Only the mind has you elsewhere”.

My response: First I have to find the operative definitions…then I need to release them. So, in a way, I am already performing what the Buddhist would suggest, simply by being on this Journey (because the Journeys are designed to release lower thoughts, and embrace higher, truth thoughts).

Or how about the smart ass response: “The good news is, you get what you want. The bad news is, you get what you want.”

My response: OK. So what you’re saying is I have what I want, even if I say I want something different. Thus, something is out of sync, out of alignment–either I am saying that I want something that I don’t really want, or I really want it, but I am not thinking about it in a way that makes me perceive it as something that I want.

It’s crazy really. It’s that whole being-becoming thing, I think. Add to that my own impatience and ignorance, and there you have it: feeling like I’m not being what I think I should be being, but not (for some damn reason) being able to accomplish what I think I should be being.

Isn’t the point of being to just be? And if it is the point, then how can I not be accomplishing it?

Therefore, I must be accomplishing it. Simply being.

do choose life. I keep choosing life. Even when I seem to struggle with it, struggle with myself. I absolutely love love love Life. It’s amazing and wondrous… and at least a little educational!

Being is Love (Purpose 1.2.29)

Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We are. We are Love. We are kindness. We are filled-full. We have all we seek, for all we seek is within us. Now we can be who we know we are. We share our Self with all and hold nothing back; we give All Love. The Fullness of our Self returns to us as every form, person, situation, circumstance, and event that renews our fullness. We need not worry or think about what may be…our Self Knows and orders our lives for perfect fulfillment. All we need do is remember our Self…and smile, and breathe, and live.

Sharing

The first two sentences–We are. We are Love.–set up set up a very subtle premise. Can you see it?

Descartes said, “I think therefore I am”. In other words, “because I can be aware of the fact that I am thinking proves my existence”.

The first sentence above, We are, removes thinking, and asks for a tautological leap of faith. In Descartes terms, the premise I refer to above is: I am therefore I am.  Existence does not need an act of thinking to be validated or verified.

If I am, or if We are, what then?

We are Love. The fact of existence, validates and verifies the terms of that very existence, Love.

To exist = to be Love.

What’s more than that, being Love also means We are kindness. We are filled-full.

What is being kind and filled full? Having everything we seek.

And because we have everything we seek we can now be who we know we are, which is Love.

Love fulfills Itself.

How?

We share our Self with all and hold nothing back; we give All Love.

When we do this, the Fullness of our Self returns to us as every form, person, situation, circumstance, and event that renews our fullness.

We all must participate in the circulation of Love through sharing. Our very existence requires that we give and receive the essence of that existence in order to be who we are, as we are.

What happens when we do?

We need not worry or think about what may be…our Self Knows and orders our lives for perfect fulfillment. And this means that our Self is ordering your life, my life, all our lives for the perfect fulfillment of us…which is Love.

We have a ways to go, but I can see it; it’s within our reach–everyone cooperating with Love as themselves, fulfilling All. That’s why it’s important to Remember your Self…and smile, and breathe, and live.

Love be you, dear ones.