Commitment and Dedication- Worth (1.3.00)

Here it is, the moment of truth. This is where you get to be really honest with yourself about what you want out of this Journey, and what you want to put into it.

This means sit, be still, quiet your mind, and think about who you are in the world and who you want to become. Think about what barriers you may have to recognizing your highest self-worth that you want to release; think about what beautiful, wonderful qualities you have that you want to embrace. What are you willing to do to work toward that? How much time, realistically, do you want to spend?

If all you can do is read my post every day, that’s enough…for now, but don’t let yourself think just reading my post is getting you somewhere. At some point, you need to do your own work, even if it’s just two or three minutes each day. Read the Guiding Thought with intention, call forth your will for your own evolution, and write; a minute or two is all it takes. One day, there will be a spark, the light will shine through, you will motivate naturally.  Your interest and effort will grow from there!

Commitment:

I commit to a daily practice of Guiding Thoughts (contemplation) and writing for 40 consecutive days, for at least twenty minutes. I commit to opening my awareness, developing my understanding, and accepting (allowing) my Knowing of the Truth of my Self and my worth. I commit to these actions. I commit to turning inward with sincerity and earnestness. All I am is now. May the Truth of Self be revealed. May I be my highest worth, infinitely and eternally, in service to all.

Dedication:

I dedicate this Journey to all. May we all come to Know the activity of Infinite Love within us as our united purpose, that we may extend and share it through all our words, thoughts, and actions to all, everywhere.

Be the Change, Be your Self–Worth (1.3.40)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought 

If I am to be my Self in the world, I must be for others as well as myself. There is no other.

I am willing to be receptive to the Infinite Love of All. I am willing to understand how I must rise above the struggles and pains of the world. I am willing to rise again and again with each call for help, each outstretched hand. I am willing to be the one to choose to change. I offer my pain, suffering, guilt, and blame up for transformation, into the light of Love, that I may see and give only the light of Love always.

***

Welcome to day 40! Whew! How did you do? Did you make it through all 40 days? What a Journey it has been. I can’t say I’m sad to see this one in the rear view mirror (almost, anyway…after today). For the next 10 days, we rest, take care of ourselves, and assimilate this new level of awareness, understanding, and knowing that we have achieved by contemplating Worth for the past 40 days. Then we begin Journey of Healing! I am looking forward to Healing, and to giving myself some TLC after this Journey.

Ok let’s get this done!

Reflection

You’ve heard the quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Today’s Guiding Thought takes that quote and extends it.

First, it gives a reason to care about being the change: because there is no other. In other words, all are equal to you–you being the change brings that change to All.

Second, it gives an aspiration for that change: the Infinite Love of All. What better goal is there for change than to become Infinite Love of and for All?

But then, it switches gears and conveys what you might be up against, what you might experience, as you work toward this goal. There is a lot of misery, sadness, loneliness, desperation, and lovelessness in the world today. These are what you are up against. Not to mention pettiness, deceit, and people who think they are happy only when others are more miserable than they are. In addition to these “biggies”, there are also simple misunderstandings, communication errors, and unintentional mistakes that can happen with friends and loved ones which can generate pains and struggles.

What happens when you encounter these? It has that solution, too: “I offer my pain, suffering, guilt, and blame up for transformation, into the light of Love…”

But what if it’s “not you”? What if the other person is the one being the bonehead? What if you’re the one who’s right? Why should you be the one to change?

There is no other. If you are to be your Self in the world, you must be for others as well as yourself.

Ripped Open– Worth (1.3.10)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

If I am to be my Self in the world, I must be for others as well as myself. There is no other.

I am willing to be receptive to the Infinite Love of All. I am willing to understand how I must rise above the struggles and pains of the world. I am willing to rise again and again with each call for help, each outstretched hand. I am willing to be the one to choose to change. I offer my pain, suffering, guilt and blame up for transformation, into the light of Love that I may see and give only the light of Love always.

Reflection

Mother, this is our only prayer: May no one in all the worlds experience pain or sorrow. Save us from out (inner) enemies. Om Tat Sat. (Sapta Sloki Durga)

Compassion is the understanding of suffering. There is no peace, joy, or hope until those who suffer are understood. Compassion is the soul of these words; without it, they are empty. Compassion fills them with truth, honor, and purpose. (From Medical Medium by Anthony William)

There is so much here today.

  • Being willing to see others as yourself (walk in someone else’s shoes).
  • Being willing to feel pain and suffering–and walk through it.
  • Being willing to feel the pain and suffering of someone else, and respond to it with compassion.
  • To release pain and suffering “up for transformation”.

As I’ve mentioned several times now, I have been working more with the Holy Spirit, and the Divine Mother/Femine energy. I’ve been praying, chanting, and doing other devotions specifically to connect with this “Shakti” energy.

When I wrote this Guiding Thought a couple of years ago, it meant something different to me than it does today. Then, I thought it meant that I’m supposed to “be the strong one”, or “help people through something”, or “take on the pain and suffering so others don’t need to”.

Not today.

You see, I’ve been digging deeply into my own pain and suffering (which has come out at odd times, mostly in the middle of the night as anxiety and panic, with tears, many tears). I feel frozen, I feel defeated. I feel hopeless. Sometimes I feel like I am going to die.

And there is nothing can do. The feeling is, “I’ve tried everything. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do, or where to turn”. There are prayers written for this feeling.

From the Orthodox tradition:

  • Suddenly the Judge shall come, and the deeds of each shall be laid bare; but with fear do we cry at midnight: Holy, Holy, Holy art Thou, O God; through the Theotokos, have mercy on us.
  • Grant me not to fall asleep in the death of sin, but have compassion on me, O Thou Who wast voluntarily crucified, and hasten to raise me who am reclining in idleness, and save me in prayer and intercession
  • It has been a lesson in asking for Divine intervention, Divine help, and giving up…really giving up. When the feeling is deeply that “there is nothing I can do to help myself”, there is comfort in turning to the Divine Mother/Holy Spirit.
  • heal the perennial passions of my soul. Guide me to the path of repentance, for I am tossed in the storm of life. Deliver me from eternal fire, and from evil worms, and from Tartarus. Let me not be exposed to the rejoicing of demons, guilty as I am of many sins. Renew me, grown old from senseless sins, O most immaculate one. Present me untouched by all torments, and pray for me to the Master of all.

From the Hindu tradition:

  • I have fallen in the ocean of birth and death, and I fear their sorrows. I am trapped by my ego, with its countless desires, greed, pride and lust.
  • I do not know how to be righteous or find your abode. I do not know how to achieve freedom by dissolving my ego. I am devoid of the will to fight; I surrender. I am not strong enough to make any vow.
  • My mind is always engaged in worthless thoughts and actions. My intellect has become dull, enslaved by old habits. I am unable to behave honourably and my intentions are self-serving. My speech is harsh and hurtful.

I have asked for this; I have asked for transformation. I have asked to be cleansed and purified, so that I may be a pure vehicle for the Holy Spirit. Ask and ye shall receive. But be prepared–it ain’t all smiles and roses.

My current experience is that when I allow myself to really feel these things, it is like I am just ripped open and stuff I didn’t even know was there (and that I don’t know what it is, necessarily) pours out, and keeps pouring out. This is when it’s not all happy and pleasant.

The good news is that this is the death of the ego, and there is Divine aid. Jesus is there to help. The Divine Mother is there to help, along with the Holy Spirit, and any/every other Divine being who you call to.

They are the embodiment of today’s Guiding Thought. They are fully for others, and they know there is no other. They are the embodiment of Infinite Love of All. They have already risen above the struggles and pains of the world, and they are here to help us do the same. They accept our pain, suffering, guilt and blame and transform it, into the light of Love that we may see and give only the light of Love always.

 

Leveling Off –Worth (1.3.8)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I am worth the effort it requires to move my mind into Love. I am worth the time of waiting, in patience, for Knowing to arrive. Every moment, every second that I open to simply being willing for Love to enter is a moment offered to Eternity; a moment offered to healing, a moment offered to Unity.

Love simply settles slowly, quietly, gently, beyond sense-perception. So I must wait in patience and take the effort to move my mind to join the quiet stillness of Love. Here I rest. Here is Peace. Here is all I want and need.

Reflection

I had a bit of a breakthrough today.

Three weeks ago today, I decided to really work at changing my thoughts around a particular situation. I could recognize the thoughts that were perpetuating that situation, and could feel when I would think those thoughts that I would begin a slow descent into territory I did not want to be in–the territory of anger, hoplessness, despair, grief. So I made a commitment to change those thoughts, whenever I recognized them as they came up.

Here are some of the thoughts that were the downward spiral (which I call “distortions”):

  • “I have no respect for you”
  • “You don’t know what you’re doing”
  • “You make bad decisions”
  • “No one likes you”
  • “You’re not worthy of this”
  • “You’re controlling and manipulative”

It’s hard to tell if I was having distorted thoughts about myself, or someone else, isn’t it? That’s one of the points of a really good reason to change thoughts like this. Even if they are directed toward someone else, they are also really about you (or me, in this case).

Here are the thoughts I decided to change these to:

  • “I am willing to look upon the light and be saved”
  • “Grievance is not my will; I will there be light”
  • The prayer to the Holy Spirit, that I mentioned in the Afterword to Journey of Purpose.

Over the past three weeks, as my thoughts have turned downward and I have felt any inkling of the above thoughts, I have quickly recognized them, and thought “I will there be light”, or any or all of the above thoughts to keep my mind in the light.

Stress and duress cause the brain to go into a sort of shell-shock. Under stress, it’s hard to think; it’s hard to remember the choices that I’ve made regarding changing my thoughts. But in this regard, there is a lesson in, those movies where James Bond, or the like, are under torture-stress, and they can keep their head about them. It’s all in the training. In this sense, what I’ve been doing for the past three weeks has been to train my brain to respond to a certain stress in a certain way.

I had a test today. I was confronted head-on with the stimulant to those downward thoughts, and they flared up and up, dragging me down, and down…that is, until my training kicked in, until I realized what I was doing (spiraling downward), and that this was exactly the situation that I had been in training to overcome.

I started changing my thoughts. “I will there be light. I will there be light. I will there be light”. “Grievance is not my will. Grievance is not my will…” “I am my I AM presence and I am One with the I AM presence of all humanity” (I’ve been working with this thought a lot, too, just not specifically regarding this situation).

And I succeeded. I changed my thoughts, and my perception shifted. I can’t say that I could feel a difference; I don’t know what, if anything, I accomplished on the spiritual level. But I know it was a success that in the moment of stress, in the moment of confrontation, I was able to pull myself out of a certain downward spiral, and at least level off.

 

 

What does this have to do with– Worth (1.3.7)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I claim who I am, the essence of my Self, established in and by Love. My Self shines with the strength, beauty and power of its essence, Love. As I open to my Self, accept my Self, and Love my Self, the Life of Unity infuses all my activity and transforms my consciousness. Life as my Self renews my Joy and restores my trust in Life itself.

Reflection

“Change is the only constant”. Yet so many people resist change…or at least that seems to be the case.

Why?

One would think that if change is the only constant, then it is completely natural. And if it is completely natural, doing it should be easy…and natural.

So, why do so many people seem to have a problem with change? Here are some ideas:

  • Change is imposed from outside, or not chosen
  • Transition periods are associated with adapting to the change are difficult
  • The new/different situation will be “worse”

Even so-called positive change people seem to have a rough time with, mainly associated with the second point above.

If people have a conscious or sub-conscious aversion to change, I wonder how resistant people are to transformation?

And if people are resistant to transformation, then is there a resistance to today’s Guiding Thought, “the Life of Unity infuses all my activity and transforms my consciousness”.

I feel like this awareness is a valuable insight. Although I do not feel resistant to change, if there is a part of my mind that is–especially one that is subconscious–then it is working against what I am trying to accomplish with these Journeys. Transformation is the whole point of the Journeys.

I just remembered that I wrote about this very thing at the very end of the last Journey. That feels significant. I must be working on this in my inner mind, my subconscious, my inner self.

These Journeys instigate change. The whole point is to teach myself to think in ways that are more loving, kind, unified, compassionate. As I have been doing this, small changes happen in life–the Life of Unity infuses all activity.

But it does not happen all at once, and in some ways, it happens so subtly that the change is barely noticeable most days.

Then (and this is what I’ve experienced), you wake up one day, and realize something is different; you’re different. But it happened so slowly, and now feels so natural.

This is what it means, I think, about “in a twinkling of an eye”. It’s not that it happens all at once, that fast; it’s that when the changes are happening in incremental amounts, over a long period of time, it takes some time for the brain to realize it, and “see” it. Then it just seems like it happened so fast.

I’m going to keep thinking about this whole change/transformation thing. I think it’s much bigger than I am currently aware of it being, and I need to open myself to learning about what it’s teaching me. And what does this have to do with worth, anyway?

Together- Worth (1.3.6)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We are ALL One. I am not alone. Alone becomes All One in Unity and Healing. I am that which you are, which we become together. There is no separation—through healing and forgiveness, we unite. At One there are no limits, at One there are no boundaries. At One I am free—with you.

Reflection

Oneness works for all of us, and where my effort (and your effort) matters so much within the context of the larger picture. When I heal myself, digging deeply into accepting and allowing Love and Oneness, I am doing it for everyone. Any effort I put into my own healing that surpasses what I “need” for my own personal, individual healing, overflows and becomes available for those who cannot now do it for themselves. No benefit is wasted.

I am that which you are: If you feel alone, scared, betrayed, mistreated, I am too. But the inverse is also true: You are that which I am: When I empower myself and lift myself higher and higher into love and light, you are empowered and lifted. We become together: All of our emotions and efforts interact cumulatively. The more effort toward Love and Oneness that I bring, the more there is available to benefit you. The more you do for yourself, the more there is for All. Then as you are also lifted, I receive the benefit of your Lightness.

Affirming. Worth (1.3.5)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

There is only one Will. That Will is Love: your Love, my Love, our Love, together. Only when I will in Love is the outcome assured in Love. Only when I will in Love do I know the results are truly beneficial to all, including myself. Only when I will with Love am I Free, and I affirm with certainty “All is as it should be”.

Reflection

Can I affirm with certainty “All is as it should be”?

If the answer to that question is “no”, then I have not Willed with Love.

If the answer to that question is “yes”, then I have Willed with Love.

How often do I feel the peace of knowing all is as it should be?

Sometimes, but not that often. I have felt it; I know I have. But most of the time, I am caught up in something else that is probably best described as “just getting through life”–going here and there, doing this and that. It’s like constant preoccupation.

How do I go from constant preoccupation and not knowing all is as it should be to the constant preoccupation and knowing all is as it should be? In other words, how does it happen that I live life, going here and there, doing this and that, and know constant peace, in the constant union with Divine Will?

The obvious answer is, “will in Love”, all the time. Yeah. I’m working on it. Not there yet, but working.

 

 

The Thick of It (no longer in). Worth- (1.3.4)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My worth is inestimable, beyond compare!

I always know I have everything to give—thus, I may always give freely! I know my worth, I give it; I give freely, and I Know in the giving!

As I give, I learn, allowing Joy and Peace to lead and to guide me. I follow willingly for I know: Where there is Joy and Peace, there is Love; where there is Love, I Am; where I Am, I am giving my inestimable worth.

Reflection

I feel my mental space cluttered. I feel it. I felt it beginning to happen, starting yesterday around noon. I felt the thoughts begin to crowd my head. I am aware of this!

It’s kind of a new place for me. It’s very interesting. It’s like I am watching something happen from the beginning, that prior to now, I had only been able to be aware of when I was smack in the middle of it.

Here it is, in a nutshell:

Certain thoughts (let’s call them “fear”, “anxiety”, “turmoil”) bring about a corresponding experience.

During this time, I was as I described: smack in the middle of it. I could see nothing else, other than the need to shift my thoughts, to protect the sacred part of my mind. In other words, I got no relief. It was a constant effort to keep my mind consistent with Love, consistent with Good Will.

For about 6 years I worked (really worked) at shifting those thoughts as they pertained to one area of my life (spilling over into other areas as well). As I said, it was constant.

Then, something lifted.

For the past 10 months or so, I’ve been free of them, and my mental space opened up. For the past 10 months or so, I have been having a new mental experience. I smile more now. I am (even more) optimistic now. Heading those thoughts off changes my experience.

More than changing my experience, it changed my mental space.

I only know this now, because in the past 24 hours or so, I’ve been noticing some of the same thoughts that I fended off for 6 years. They’ve come back. Now that I have been without them for 10 months I can see them like never before. Instead of being in the thick of the thoughts. I have the perspective of clarity, of a mind without those thoughts. The mind without those thoughts is looking at those thoughts thinking, “Oh, No. You are not welcome here.” The Guiding Thought from Journey of Purpose has been rolling around in my head: Today, my only responsibility is to protect My Own Loving Presence from thoughts that block Its flow. If I feel uncertain, I remember my Source; if I feel weak, I remember my Inner Flow; if I feel doubt, I assure myself of my Inner Knowing and I am free.

Two things are interesting to me about all this. First, I’ve not handled my awareness of these imposing thoughts very well. I have not fended them off with the same ferocity and intensity that I did for 6 years. That has lead to them growing, becoming stronger–which is a whole ‘nother level of awareness.

Second, the reason that I have not fended them off as quickly, is because I feel like “I don’t know how” (yes, I know how crazy that sounds)…which has brought up feelings of helplessness, as though I am a victim of my own mind.

All the while, there is the part of my mind that has been clear for 10 months watching all this, and wondering what I am going to do to stop my mind from spiraling. It’s there simultaneously shaking its head in disbelief, while also saying, “c’mon, you can do it, you know how“.

I know it’s right. I just have to do it. 

 

Inner Motivation- Worth (1.3.3)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I know my Self when I share my Self. As I give my Self, I see my Source returned to me. All that is Whole, all that is Beauty, all that is Holy, reflects back to me in the Joy of Being, in the brilliance of Life, in the Unity of Self. I choose to share only the Self of Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy, that I may Know my Self as Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy.

Reflection

Self is connected to Source. Self is a spark of the Divine Flame. Everyone has this spark; everyone is  this spark. That is why when I share my Self, I am able to see my Source–because I Am what It Is.

But I don’t see my Source until I first share my Self. The seeing, the impetus that makes the seeing possible, comes from me.

“The Truth is Out There”, to use Mulder’s pet phrase. In this context (not Mulder’s), this phrase means that the Truth–Source–is; the Truth does not have to prove Itself, defend Itself, or assert Itself. The Truth simply waits patiently for me (and you) to instigate knowing It, seeing It.

We do that by finding it (as Wholeness, Joy, Peace) first within ourselves and sharing it. To this sharing, the Truth responds, “Heeeey! Hello there!” and maybe gives a little wave. That catches our attention because any attention from the Truth that comes back to us is SO much nicer than the attention we get back when we only share the little self (which is petty and small and only cares about itself).

This is one of the values of things like meditation, self-care, yoga, chanting, etc. These types of practices bring us closer to the Truth within us (even if we just label it “relaxed”), and they set our minds/hearts/bodies to a place where it’s easier to share the essential qualities of Source. The more we can do that, the more Source responds, the more motivation we have to get to that place within so that we continue seeing Source more and more in our daily activities.

 

 

Hook. Line. Sinker- Worth (1.3.2)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I love myself for the Truth within me. The Truth within me Knows me for who I am—Pure Love, Only Love, beyond all valuing of the world. In Love all are equal, for we are One. This is how Truth Knows me—Pure, One, and Free. This is my Truth; this is our Truth; this is the Self I love.

Reflection

do love myself for the Truth within me! I can feel that in my heart, radiating outward, and I can feel it deeply in the fibers of my muscles, in the marrow of my bones.

There was a period of time when I was doing a lot of physical-emotional work; the language we used in one of the processes was, “Where do you feel that (anger-guilt-sorrow-etc) in your body?” The body holds onto those emotions and as we feel something, the body reacts to the feeling. At the time, I had a lot of subconscious anger–the kind just under the surface: seething, fuming–that is hard to put a finger on consciously. But when prompted, I could identify where the anger was located in my body (bicep to bicep, right across the chest…), and work through it from its physical side, instead of relying on my brain to figure it out.

It occurs to me that in that work, we never did the flip-side; we never asked where joy or peace or motivation or enthusiasm was located. Now I am doing it, and now I have something new to pay attention to!

This Guiding Thought is a little sneaky. Do you see it?

It starts with the hook, the feel-good moment, “I love myself for the Truth within me”–you can see from my first line that I swallowed it. Who could be opposed to that? If it stopped at simply, “I love myself”, some people could object; the little voices of self-negation, self-loathing, self-hating, would be able to object. But those voices can’t object to “I love myself for the Truth within me“. Someone might be able to deny the Truth within them…temporarily, which would lead to disagreeing with this statement. But anyone doing this work recognizes the Truth within them to some degree–and wants to love themselves! Gotcha. Hook, line, sinker.

Then, instead of going into more about loving myself, it goes into how the Truth within me sees (Knows) me. Pure Love. Only Love. Beyond all valuing of the world. And this feels so good. By what standards can the world judge Pure Love? The Truth of who I Am is so much bigger than anyone or anything in and of the world will ever understand. Finally. Someone sees me for me.

Then this feeling, this Self-valuing gets extended to everyone. This is the check on any narcissistic, selfish, little-self propensities.  In Love all are equal, for we are One. I love myself for the Truth within me, and I love you for that same Truth.

The last line is what I was referring to as being a “sneaky”. This is my Truth; this is our Truth; this is the Self I love. It starts saying “I love myself for the Truth within me”, referring to the little self, capturing the attention of the ego, drawing it in, giving it a boost of the attention of love. Then in the last line >kaboom!< it’s not the little self at all; the Self I love is the only Self I AMthe Self of Pure Love.

But by the time I get to the last line, my little self is already invested: I do love myself for the Truth within me! I can feel that in my heart, radiating outward, and I can feel it deeply in the fibers of my muscles, in the marrow of my bones. 

Even the little self wants Pure Love, the Truth of itself.

From A Course in Miracles, with my insertions in parenthesis, and my emphasis in bold:

There is no living thing (even the little self) that does not share the universal Will that it be whole, and that you do not leave its call unheard. Without your answer is it left to die, as it is saved from death when you have heard its calling as the ancient call to life, and understood that it is but your own. The Christ in you remembers God with all the certainty with which He knows His Love. But only if His Son is innocent can He be Love (and this is why we have a little self in the first place: feelings of guilt have usurped our natural Pure Love, and we be believe in our guilt more than our Love). For God were fear indeed if he whom He created innocent could be a slave to guilt. God’s perfect Son remembers his creation. But in guilt he has forgotten what he really is.