The Thick of It (no longer in). Worth- (1.3.4)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My worth is inestimable, beyond compare!

I always know I have everything to give—thus, I may always give freely! I know my worth, I give it; I give freely, and I Know in the giving!

As I give, I learn, allowing Joy and Peace to lead and to guide me. I follow willingly for I know: Where there is Joy and Peace, there is Love; where there is Love, I Am; where I Am, I am giving my inestimable worth.

Reflection

I feel my mental space cluttered. I feel it. I felt it beginning to happen, starting yesterday around noon. I felt the thoughts begin to crowd my head. I am aware of this!

It’s kind of a new place for me. It’s very interesting. It’s like I am watching something happen from the beginning, that prior to now, I had only been able to be aware of when I was smack in the middle of it.

Here it is, in a nutshell:

Certain thoughts (let’s call them “fear”, “anxiety”, “turmoil”) bring about a corresponding experience.

During this time, I was as I described: smack in the middle of it. I could see nothing else, other than the need to shift my thoughts, to protect the sacred part of my mind. In other words, I got no relief. It was a constant effort to keep my mind consistent with Love, consistent with Good Will.

For about 6 years I worked (really worked) at shifting those thoughts as they pertained to one area of my life (spilling over into other areas as well). As I said, it was constant.

Then, something lifted.

For the past 10 months or so, I’ve been free of them, and my mental space opened up. For the past 10 months or so, I have been having a new mental experience. I smile more now. I am (even more) optimistic now. Heading those thoughts off changes my experience.

More than changing my experience, it changed my mental space.

I only know this now, because in the past 24 hours or so, I’ve been noticing some of the same thoughts that I fended off for 6 years. They’ve come back. Now that I have been without them for 10 months I can see them like never before. Instead of being in the thick of the thoughts. I have the perspective of clarity, of a mind without those thoughts. The mind without those thoughts is looking at those thoughts thinking, “Oh, No. You are not welcome here.” The Guiding Thought from Journey of Purpose has been rolling around in my head: Today, my only responsibility is to protect My Own Loving Presence from thoughts that block Its flow. If I feel uncertain, I remember my Source; if I feel weak, I remember my Inner Flow; if I feel doubt, I assure myself of my Inner Knowing and I am free.

Two things are interesting to me about all this. First, I’ve not handled my awareness of these imposing thoughts very well. I have not fended them off with the same ferocity and intensity that I did for 6 years. That has lead to them growing, becoming stronger–which is a whole ‘nother level of awareness.

Second, the reason that I have not fended them off as quickly, is because I feel like “I don’t know how” (yes, I know how crazy that sounds)…which has brought up feelings of helplessness, as though I am a victim of my own mind.

All the while, there is the part of my mind that has been clear for 10 months watching all this, and wondering what I am going to do to stop my mind from spiraling. It’s there simultaneously shaking its head in disbelief, while also saying, “c’mon, you can do it, you know how“.

I know it’s right. I just have to do it. 

 

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