We know our Self when we share our Self. As we give our Self, we see our Source returned to us. All that is Whole, all that is Beauty, all that is Holy, reflects back to us in the Joy of Being, in the brilliance of Life, in the Unity of Self. We choose to share only the Self of Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy, that we may Know our Self as Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy.
Just 5 days ago, I wrote this:
I’ve felt this spinning-panic-detached cycle for, yeah, since the Journey began. First my mind spins–while I’m watching it, so I don’t let it get too out of control, then, maybe because I reign it in, it goes into a panic. Then, I pray or do a fire ceremony, and I seem to calm down a bit…but the spinning has lingered in the wings almost constantly. I’ve gone through this cycle about 4 full times in the past 3 weeks.
I am currently verging on another episode of panic. I keep it at bay, but I can feel it ready to spill out.
You see, there’s this “thing” that I want. And I never want things. I always, always want God, and spiritual right-mindedness more than I want things. I cannot even think of a time when I wanted something like this. It’s not like desire, or envy, or possession, or clinging to some-thing. It’s like there’s so much at stake, so much that hinges on this thing; I have so much invested in this thing.
Is this what people feel and go through when things have this much significance to them? Is this why it’s so hard for people to pull themselves up into spiritual thoughts and right-mindedness?
Because as I am “here” in this place, watching myself, aware of my own mind, it is really hard to stay focused on what I really want: God and right-mindedness.
From A Course in Miracles:
Both Heaven and earth are in you, because the call of both is in your mind. The Voice for God comes from your own altars to Him. These altars are not things; they are devotions. Yet you have other devotions now. Your divided devotion has given you the two voices, and you must choose at which altar you want to serve. The call you answer now is an evaluation because it is a decision. The decision is very simple. It is made on the basis of which call is worth more to you. (ACIM T-5.II.8)
And this brings me to gratitude.
First, I am so grateful for my spiritual practices, including these Journeys. In this moment of “divided devotion”, I have practices (devotions) that I have been doing for a long time (some longer than others…), and I can turn to them. Practices demonstrate devotion; practices act-out where place my value; practices declare to the universe what I really want. And I need that now. I need to be able to rely on tradition, and constancy, using what I have established as strength in devotion to pull me through this.
Second, I am thankful that I have developed some small faith in God. It is currently a bit hard to tap into it (and I have talked to God about my faltering), but I acknowledge that I want to rely on Him, and trust Him, and that I can “let it be” (though waiting with patience is also very difficult at the moment).
Third, I am thankful for God and my relationship with the Divine. I think this situation is only strengthening this relationship.
Accept your Father’s gift. It is a Call from Love to Love, that It be but Itself. The Holy Spirit is His gift, by which the quietness of Heaven is restored to God’s beloved Son. Would you refuse to take the function of completing God, when all He wills is that you be complete? (Lesson 281)