Crappity crap crap crap. -Healing (1.4.23)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
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Guiding Thought

We rely on our own Loving Presence to lead and guide us toward the meaning of healing. Seeking the meaning of healing frames all our activity and gives context to all our interactions. Though we may encounter disturbances throughout our daily activity, we lay them at the feet of our own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”? Our own Loving Presence directs us as we listen in the stillness.


Cleansing. Purging. Clearing. Letting go. Shifting. Transmuting.

Seeking the meaning of healing frames all our activity and gives context to all our interactions is currently very very true for me.

It seems everything recently is coming up for healing. Anxiety. Trust-issues. Faith-issues. Feeling betrayed issues. Anger at myself for a particular passivity in my past. Feeling responsible, and thinking of times when I was irresponsible. Unworthy stuff. “What am I supposed to do” stuff. Anger at others for not living up to my expectations (even after I lowered my expectations). Fear of disappointment that someone else will not live up to my expectations. Inadequacy. Feeling like “I’m not doing it right”…and more!

I said to Tam earlier today, after urgently insisting that something had to be done now“I’ve got a stick up my ass today and I don’t know why”. It’s important to be able to communicate to some degree about the crap going on, so that there is no mis-communication or risk of mis-perception. I sort of knew why I was in a funk…read the above paragraph. But that was too much to deal with and have a stick up my ass. Fortunately, Tam and I understand each other when these things happen (whew).

feel like I’ve been letting go of a lot of unseen/unknown energies. Maybe karma. Maybe energetic stuff that has been trapped in my energy body. Maybe Ancestral stuff–I just re-posted an article on ancestral healing –whoa, I hadn’t even thought of that, until the article crossed my path…but it makes so much sense (and now I really want to do these meditations). Maybe just crap that has been hiding in deeper nooks and crannies.

Whatever you think in all levels of mind will determine all the various energies you draw into your systems and bodies. The darkness in your unknown mind still draws darkness to you. Therefore go into all the darknesses of your minds and release and transform it all into its inherent Light, Color, Sound, and Love. Then only will you be blessed with Internal Peace, Happiness, and ever-expanding stability. ~Joseph Barry Martin

It’s up to me to find those darknesses and clear them. It’s up to me to want to heal more deeply…and more deeply…and more deeply…until there is no more darkness.

Part of how I think about healing is exactly about A) the interconnectedness of All, and B) that there are deeper and deeper layers (nooks and crannies) to heal.

I am never healing just myself. Nothing that comes up is ever “just mine”. Everything everyone does is connected to All. Leigh says it really well in the ancestral healing article:

In a big wave of realization I felt the clearing I’ve been doing reaching down through the ancestral lines and then flowing back to heal people I don’t even know but am related to in the present…In the notion of one big web of energy, these family ties show how deeply we really are connected.  So imagine working on clearing your ancestral lineages of fear and negative beliefs and then that your clearing is energetically impacting millions of others.  Imagine a whole bunch of us doing this clearing can help to heal fear for millions upon millions of people.

We’ve got our work cut out for us. Thank you for the healing work that you contribute to All. I have so much love and appreciation for you, out there, on this path, on your own path, doing the work. ❤


J2P: Clear ancestral fear, clear current fear?

There’s a lot here that resonates with Journey of Healing, and with the interconnectedness of All. I have not tried these meditations, but I will…! Enjoy.

Not Just Sassy on the Inside

As my regular readers know, I’m big on clearing issues and have been quite fascinated about ancestral fears and beliefs and how they pass down.  So a chunk of the time I’ve been spending on Steve Nobel’s many meditations has been spent on various ones focused on clearing ancestral lines of fear and negativity.

Such guided meditations are always intriguing to me as I rarely can point to a tangible provable outcome in the world and say it resulted from meditating.  But doing these many clearings has certainly had my energy shifting and buzzing and left me feeling often unbalanced and…  odd.

Yesterday I decided to dust off an old meditation I was taught 30+ years ago by the transpersonal psychologist who introduced me to all this “spiritual stuff”.  In this one you follow a specific path to reach a council of guides and then ask questions.

One of the…

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Dicrysahe -Healing (1.4.22)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for
Guiding Thought

We go deep within our inner stillness, and feel Divine Mind’s presence within. We hold out our empty hands, symbolic of leaving preconceptions behind; symbolic of seeking True answers, and ask, “What is the essence of healing?” These words resonate within us, as though in a vast cavern.  The word essence reverberates with these thoughts, “For what do we care most deeply?”; “What is our  essence?”; “What is our Truth?”; “Where is our deepest hurt, pain, and sorrow, that all may be healed?”


Mantras are most powerful when energetically spoken silently within your Diamond Crystal Sacred Heart. ~Joseph Barry Martin

Meditation teachers generally say there are three ways to repeat mantras:

  1. Out loud (known as Vaikhari Japa). This way accustoms a person to the pronunciation and tones, and serves to calm the mind. In this method, the sound becomes externalized. For many people, especially beginners, this makes it easier to focus on the sound and its energy.
  2. Whispered inaudibly, with the breath merely passing over the lips (known as Upamsu Japa). The sound remains internal, yet the brain and body are engaged in the motion of making words. This requires a bit more concentration and focus, since there is no actual sound to bring the brain back when it starts to wander. The mind must be responsible for the brain, and keep it focused.
  3. Silently (known as Manasika Japa). This is generally understood as a mental practice; the mantra is simply repeated silently, which is said to require much focus, attention, and concentration.

Please note that this summary is not advocating that one way is “more powerful” than another way. You will find writings that say the first is most powerful, and the third the least powerful (as in the Chaitanya Bhagavata story, which says Vaikhari is 100 times superior to Manasika), and you will find writings that say Manasika is more powerful than Vaikhari (as in the Hari-bhakti-vilasa). I suggest you try them for yourself, and see what works for you, depending on your own goals and intentions. (Also, another form of japa that is not relevant here, but worth mentioning is Likhita Japa. This is when a person writes a mantra repeatedly.)

I have tried all three.  Personally, I like Manasika Japa the best. When I am doing japa, I focus my attention between my eyebrows, where I hold a picture of the energetic representation of the mantra. So, for example, if I am doing Om Namah Shivaya japa, I hold a picture of either Shiva or Babaji at my forehead; if I am doing Om hang Hanumate Rudratmakaye hung phat mantra, I have a picture of Hanuman in my imagination between my eyebrows.

This morning, I was reading a book by Joseph Barry Martin and came across the quote at the top. Today, while doing my japa, I changed my style. Instead of using my mind/brain to imagine an energetic representation while focusing on the words, I moved my focus to my heart area and concentrated on “hearing” the energy through my heart.

It was intense. I would like to officially add a fourth method of doing japa. I call it Dicrysahe- Diamond Crystal Sacred Heart 😉  -and it means feeling the energy of the words through the heart.

Why does this matter for the Journey today?

  1. Because when doing japa via Dicrysahe, I found there to be this resonance (as though in a vast cavern). It felt literally like a magnified pulse emanating from my chest.
  2. It felt like it was a very direct experience of the sound, without the sound. After all, sound is simply vibration; if I can feel the vibration in my body instead of hearing it, it’s the same energy but a different experience of it–visceral and without a brain-interpretation.
  3. I felt like I had a new grasp of my inner stillness, and could feel Divine Mind’s presence within. I admit, I have a hard time with stillness (until now…). Stillness, traditionally means something like “calming the monkey mind”. In order to get to stillness, one must pass through the mind, which is always in chaos–that’s why there’s meditation–to calm the mind and get to stillness. But Dicrysahe completely bypasses the mind. Instead of having a battle in the brain between what to focus on (the chaotic thoughts, or the calming ones), Dicrysahe changes fields, where no battle exists, because there is no mind, because everything happens in the heart.
  4. When I did the Guiding Thought with Dicrysahethere was a similar more direct experience of the Guiding Thought. It was more difficult than with a mantra, because with a mantra there is repetition of sound and syllables, and with the Guiding Thought I really had to focus on the energy, rather than the words. But it felt solid and pervading.

This is all new. Pretty cool, huh? Try it. Let me know what you think.



Plucking Weeds -Healing (1.4.21)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
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Welcome to Round 3! We are half way through–good for you! How is your Journey going? How do you feel? Don’t make any judgments! Everything changes. Everything works as it should. Be aware! Live life. Go through life with awareness! All is as it should be.

The pronouns change again this round; please see this page for more details.


Guiding Thought

We clear our minds of all past notions of what we think healing is. We erase all memories and stories from our thoughts, leaving only a clean slate. We turn our attention to our Inner Divine Mind and ask, “What is healing”? We wait and listen in silence; we take our attention deeper into the vastness of Divine Mind and ask again, “What is healing?”, “What is wholeness?”, and “What is holy?” We wait and listen. Feeling stillness, we simply pause in the quiet and await the answer.


Each round of this particular Journey begins with a clearing, in which we are asked to erase preconceptions, notions, and expectations about healing. In fact, we spend the first 3 days doing this to some degree–that’s one-third of the Journey spent clearing up impressions. Not only do we thus clear any distant past notions, we also clear anything that has accumulated from the previous 10 days.

Letting go of preconceptions must be really important to a healing journey.

Each round, “healing” is fresh and new–or at least our minds are, regarding it.  That’s the goal at least.

As for me, today, I feel like I have no clue whatsoever about what healing is, so to ask me to clear my mind feels unnecessary. I don’t know, anyway.

This seems to be a more-general state for me right now. I don’t know much about anything. It’s a bit unsettling; I feel unsettled.

Imagine being thrown into the air.

The upward momentum represents all the past notions and conceptions about what healing is. The momentum feels “normal”; this is just “how life works”…

Until you reach the apex. It’s there at the very top of the ascent where there is no momentum in either direction. It’s a split second of weightlessness. This is the clearing, the asking in the stillness.

It’s also a moment of uncertainty in waiting. It’s a moment of anticipation (unless you can practice complete equanimity, which I cannot). It’s a split second of wondering how the fall is going to feel, and where it “lands me”.

What comes next?

How did I come to a point of feeling fear in anticipation? I thought I was “supposed to” let go, and be calm, and just wait for answers. But here I am with some anxiety about getting the answers–that is, the anxiety is about the fall, the process, as well as where (or “who”) I will be when I get the answers.

Maybe this is the point of the emphasis on letting go. I have to let go enough to get to the point of getting at what I really need to let go of.

Have you ever weeded a flower bed? No matter how may weeds you pluck, if you go back for another sweep, you’ll see more that need to come up. With each sweep, there’s a new level of detail (smaller and smaller weeds).

So…this anxiety is a weed that I am seeing anew on the third sweep that I did not see for the first two sweeps (rounds)? >this is said in a form of a question, because of the moment of uncertainty I mentioned above<

Let’s just go with that.

Further Faster -Healing (1.4.20)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
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Guiding Thought

Give today to Light. Feel the Light within pour forth; feel your radiance, your glow. See—with your inner eye—this light envelop and infuse all you encounter, all your words, and all your actions. Watch as others resonate with you, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of your own. To all beings and all situations today, offer only light, and learn, as you do, the Wholeness of your Self.


I see how this Guiding Thought follows yesterday’s reflection! Here, let me re-write some of it so you can see what I am seeing (but first, maybe go back and read yesterday’s…).

Give today to You. Feel your Self within pour forth… Watch as others resonate with You, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of You. To all beings and all situations today, offer only You, and learn, as you do, the Wholeness of your Self.

The point is that there is no differentiation between you and Light. Or you and Love.

I’m fascinated with how often I can say, think, or read, “we are One” or “I am Love” or “I am One with the Ocean of bliss” or…any of the various phrases that encompass the totality of who I am, who we are…and still I don’t “have it”. I don’t have it fully. I am not asleep, but I am not yet awake.

It’s very similar (it seems to me) to being in that literal place of not asleep, but not yet awake. I am in that place a lot in the middle of the night, or before I wake up in the morning. I have conversations with God, I am taught things, I seem to have deeper understanding and clarity, I chant and pray… but then I (this body) wake up and I have a vague recollection of the conversations, the learning, but tangibly, it’s gone, like a memory from my childhood…I know it happened, but I have no sustained apprehension of the situation.

I am seeing this now through new eyes. Recently, I’ve been watching my learning process. I have been able to observe my growth, my evolution as it’s happening.

This is relatively a new thing, to be able to understand in the moment both what I am learning, and how it connects with, or has evolved out of a prior stage or phase. I used to just know “I am where I am supposed to be”, without understanding how anything about my life connected (I had many divergent and incongruous paths for the first 45 years or so of this life). I knew I was on the right path, but had no idea where it was leading, or how anything fit together.

Now, there are several aspects of my spiritual learning that I can follow, like a flow-chart or family tree, to see exactly each step of my learning process, and how one step lead me to the next step.

There are two things that are highlighted for me about this.

  1. I now really understand the idea of clichés like, “you can’t run until you walk” or “you won’t learn algebra until you understand 2+2=4”. You can’t be ahead of your own learning process. You are where you are–and anything more advanced just won’t make sense, or you won’t be able to do it, or you’ll short-circuit yourself.
  2. I now understand what I feel/experience when I short-circuit myself–when I try to advance too quickly, or to grasp a concept I am simply not ready for. It feels like my brain shuts down. It puts it’s hand over its eyes, holds out the other hand motioning “stop”, shakes its head, and says, “no, no, nooo, can’t do that yet”.

This is why I advocate the drip method, being a turtle, and baby steps. But I admit, I have really enjoyed this learning experience of overdoing it. I can now be aware of going too far, too fast. It wasn’t that bad. I’ve learned that “all I have to do” is back up, do something smaller, something that does not feel overwhelming, get acclimated to that, then continue forward.

I wonder if this is the first step of learning to push myself further faster? Oh, yes. This is going to be fun!

How soon is now, that I am the Light of my Self?





Yoke of Light -Healing (1.4.19)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for
Guiding Thought

You are the Light of Love. Light saturates your mind and body, surrounding every thought, and radiating out to All. Everything radiates Light in return. Everywhere is Light. Rest in Peace, in Being Light.


“Rest in peace” is a blessing for the living, not the dead, because rest comes from waking, not from sleeping. Sleep is withdrawing; waking is joining. (A Course in Miracles)

Do not underestimate your power.

“your” power.

it’s not really “yours”, is it?

Do not underestimate the You of you.

Do not underestimate the power of Love and Light.

Yes, you are “just one person”.

So, what can you do?

You can be.

You can be who you are.

Do not underestimate who you are.

Do you know who you are? Do you know the depth, beauty, power, of You?

If you do not have an inkling, the tiniest bit of awareness or understanding of the enormity of Love and Light that is You,

then you are asleep, withdrawn from All that You Are.

But there is a part of you that does have this inkling. There is a part of you that nudges you, pushes you when It can,

to be more of Who You Are.

to be It.

You know this.

You are not asleep.

But neither are you awake.


Remember that “yoke” means “join together,” and “burden” means “message.” Let us restate “My yoke is easy and my burden light” in this way; “Let us join together, for my message is light.” (A Course in Miracles)


The Jenga of -Healing (1.4.18)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for
Guiding Thought

Today, decide to be aware of your Whole and Holy Self working within you, expressing through you. As you move through the affairs of your life, with an open mind and empty hands, look first to your Whole and Holy Self for guidance. Your only decision today is to be aware of your Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with your Self.


I now decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me and expressing through me.

I take directives fairly seriously. Besides, I want to decide in this way; it is in my best interest. There is no reason why I should not take the suggestion and do what I’m told.

Earlier days of the Guiding Thought cleared away preconceptions and expectations. Today those little exercises culminate in the next step–leaving the preconceptions behind, in order to approach the Holy Self for Guidance.

It does not do any good to ask the Holy Self for an answer I’m not ready to hear, or would not recognize because I have too much of my own clutter in the way.

The earlier days clearing away preconceptions give us the freedom to focus on making the decision to pay full attention to the Holy Self. Without expectations, or trying to figure out “what healing is”, we can put all of our energy into the Holy Self.

The Holy Self knows a whole lot better than I do what I need for healing. Everything is interconnected. Healing is sometimes like a game of Jenga. All the pieces (mental-emotional-physical-spiritual) are stacked on top of each other, resting on each other, supporting each other. If left up to me, I will topple the tower. Only the Holy Self knows how to pull the pieces apart without toppling it. The Holy Self can “unravel me” without toppling me, while building a stronger tower above.


Unexpected Visit from the Inner Smart Ass -Healing (1.4.17)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for
Guiding Thought

Love is Wholeness. The essence of Love is Peace. The essence of Wholeness is Unity. Your essence is Love, therefore, your essence is Peace; your essence is Unity. Since your essence is Unity, you share Love and Peace wholly. Knowing the Unity of Whole Love and Peace with All is the essence of holiness. Choose to be aware, to understand and to Know your Whole and Holy Self, which is Love.

Quick Check in

How are you? How is your Journey going? How is your life going? There has been a lot of high-emotion in the world, and here in North America, the past couple of weeks. A lot is going on everywhere. How are you doing? Stay grounded. Stay focused on the Real, the True. Keep your mind on the highest thoughts you can think, as much of the time as you can. Don’t let yourself be dragged or held “down”, keep lifting yourself and others “up”. We’re all in this together, and you’re no good to anyone weighted down in the lower-self of despair, hopelessness, grief, and worry. Keep on.


UGH. This Guiding Thought always (so far) confuses me. Do you feel this way? I feel a bit concerned sharing this sentiment; but…I’m not here to be disingenuous. I’m here to be real.

It’s like I understand it on one level, but I don’t understand it at the same time. There’s just so much to it, so many steps/sentences to go through to get to the end. And by the time I get to the end, I have forgotten everything at the beginning and in the middle. So I go back to the beginning to re-read, and remind myself what the beginning was, and then I’ve forgotten again by the time I get to the end.

So then I read it slowly, sentence by sentence, and do my little “check” (like, “yup, got that one”). But by the end, even though I can do a “check” with each individual sentence, I a) have no idea what I just read, as though short-term memory is completely inactive and b) I can’t do a “check” for the whole thing.

What’s the point of this?

I think it’s good news that I can give a “check” to each individual sentence. That’s at least a start.

I believe the “problem” is in bringing everything together. Which day is it that the Guiding Thought encourages us to unite fragments? Oh, yeah, the fourth day of each round. Well, here I am practicing it.

If each sentence represents a “fragment” and the Guiding Thought represents the “Whole”, then working through each sentence to a comprehensive understanding of the Whole in this specific Guiding Thought is a practical exercise in uniting fragments.

I wrote that feeling a little tongue-in-cheek (not sure you can “hear” that through sterile words, but the voice in my head was like–“yeah, right”, >rme-smh<)…but it might actually be accurate. I just got that nudge in my mind that says, “you’re on to something”.

My Inner Smart Ass hasn’t nudged me in a while. YAY. So glad she hasn’t abandoned me. Can’t say I miss her, but life sure is entertaining when she shows up.

Few Words -Healing (1.4.16)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for
Guiding Thought

As you unite in consciousness with your own Loving Presence, you unite with Divine Mind. Divine Mind is Infinite Being—it is now, here, always. You exist in Divine Mind, as It does in you, united forever—One. It leads you to Itself through your consciousness of your Self: your consciousness of your Self, as Infinite Being, is Oneness with Divine Mind, is your Peace, is your wholeness, is your Unity with All.

Your Oneness with Divine Mind does not depend on anything. Oneness IS. It is your awareness of this– your consciousness–that is required for you to realize the Oneness that already exists.

Energy Transference on Not Pie Day -Healing (1.4.15)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for
Guiding Thought

Your own Loving Presence is your personal connection with Divine Mind. Attuned to your own Loving Presence, you Know yourself as Whole and Holy. As you feel your Inner Unity, you know: this is all you want; you have found all you seek.


I have been doing my spiritual practices with great enthusiasm. At the beginning of the Journey, I committed to doing some “extra” things to take care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Something is happening. I don’t know what, but people saw it today, and commented on it.

I went to Trader Joe’s for a few staples (that’s a standard pantry item, not a small metal thing that holds paper together). Now, I love Trader Joe’s. My regular TJ’s is near where I go to my j-o-b. There, lot’s of TJ “mates” know me by name, and I always get hugs when I go there. I once had a conversation with one of the mates there, who noted that “TJ employees are all empathic; that’s why they are so attentive to the customer, and why people like coming to TJ’s”–the staff is always paying attention on an emotional-(dare I say spiritual?) level. It’s at least one of the reasons I like going there; the hugs are also a reason, as is the free small samples of coffee, not to mention the standard pantry items I get every week or so.

Today, I did not go to my regular TJ’s. But I still got a hug! (more on that in a minute). Three very interesting energy exchanges happened in the span of about 5 minutes.

You know energy exchanges? Some of you do. It’s when there is a transference of energy between people. This is always happening…always. But most people are not aware of it. Think of yourself as a firefly, flying around flashing a certain pattern of light. When that light is observed by a “mate” (ok, there’s a pun here, since TJ’s calls their employees “mates” LOL) that lighting bug flashes back in a way that is seen and understood by the first firefly. Most people (as fireflies) miss the lighting-up of other people. They never see the energy to have real communication.

I had three people who recognized my lighting-up (to continue the metaphor). And each one had their own reaction to it.

The first time it happened, I was looking at the pies, yum! I had been thinking about pie earlier today, and here was an opportunity to fulfill my desire and have pie, yum! As I was looking, a woman approached me, touched my elbow and said, “resist! resist!” I looked up from my pie reverie and made direct eye-contact, in which we saw each other (do you know what I mean? If not, that’s for another day…so if you’d like more, drop me a note). In that moment of seeing, I said with complete openness, “…but I was just thinking about pie (yum!)”. She said, “resist the sugar!” but at that point, I could tell my directness and openness (my presence) had taken her a bit aback, almost startled her–most people do not respond in a way that is real or human these days. She walked away very quickly, without saying anything more. I did not get pie, by the way; there was only apple and blueberry, and I did not have a taste for either of those.

The second time, a mere moment later, I was at the cash register, and the gentleman ringing up my order said, “so what’s going on with you, what is in your life, what’s happening?” This kind of inquiry is odd, even from a TJ’s mate. I wasn’t quite sure what he was addressing, or what was on his mind…this was more than a normal check out greeting. So I told him that I was off work, loving being off work, and enjoying life! He said, “yeah–it shows, you are radiating, glowing. I’m liking the vibe”. LOLOL. Who knew!? I thought this interaction validated my other friend-mate’s observation that TJ employees are empathic.

The third exchange was on my way out the door, when I saw a familiar face who had transferred to this store, from my regular store. I stopped, touched his shoulder, greeted him with a big smile and gave him a hug. It was mere seconds. I apologized to the woman in line for interrupting her transaction, and she said, “that’s ok, my stuff will just melt”. She wasn’t joking…this was the comment she came up with observing that exchange. I decided that this too was a legitimate reaction to observing this (apparent) “radiance”. Most people don’t get it and don’t want it. Energy scares a lot of people who are not used to it, and they fall into comfortable patterns–and most people’s comfortable patterns are skeptical, “negative”, “victim”, etc. Goodness knows, I don’t always know what to do with other people’s energy, and I can be thrown “off” sometimes.

My point with all this?

Unity. Wholeness. Whether they know it or not, people can “see” or “feel” energy, and they respond to it. You are doing it right now. We are having an energy exchange. I love you! Do you see? Everything matters. All your thoughts, words, actions radiate out–whatever they are. What do you radiate? How do people respond to you? How do you respond to people?