Today I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me, expressing through me. As I move through the affairs of my life, with an open mind and empty hands, I look first to my Whole and Holy Self for guidance. My only decision today is to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with my Self.
Today I fell short. I feel critical of myself for it. Instead of feeling inspired by today’s Guiding Thought, I feel it’s showing me what I didn’t do, telling me what I should have done, showing me how unaware I was today.
I have been succeeding in “moving through the affairs of my life with an open mind and empty hands”. Today, it occurred to me that moving through life in this way, can feel a lot like being unaware, being “asleep”.
Here’s what I mean: I have not been planning my days; I have not been making lists, prioritizing, and deciding in advance how I should spend my day. I’ve been going with the flow, keeping an open mind, approaching life with empty hands. This has been going on for about two weeks.
At first, it was going very, very well. I wrote earlier about how I had no expectations for myself except to do earth, air, water, and fire, and how good that felt. I remember feeling that way; I know what I felt then was right.
But it seems now I am at a different point in the process; “going with the flow” no longer feels good. I feel uninspired, unmotivated, like I am doing a lot of meaningless things that feel like a waste of time (though, let me say, that I recognize these are feelings, and the reality is that I am getting things done that have needed to be done for a while; it’s just taking longer than I want it to–probably why I did not jump to do them before).
Also at this point in the process, I feel more disconnected from the actions (I feel like this has to do with feeling uninspired). I feel like I am lamenting those earlier days in this process, when flow felt good. Am I now out of the flow? or is this part of the flow that I am unfamiliar with?
How quickly things change; that was less than two weeks ago.
I am currently questioning what I am doing, why I am doing it, how I “get back” to feeling good in the flow, and if these feelings are part of the process that I am supposed to “go with” to work through, or if I am supposed to do something to “get out of” feeling this way.
All journeys have ups and downs (so to say). What I know by now is that everything is the Journey. Everything matters. Everything is showing me something, directing me, guiding me on the Journey. So, I’ll take this; I’ll take these feelings of uninspired, spinning my wheels, unmotivated. It’s all Healing.
One of my intentions for this Journey was to be gentle with myself, to not be too hard on myself, to nurture myself. This is a good day to remember that.