Expansion Pains -Healing (1.4.36)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

As I unite in consciousness with my own Loving Presence, I unite with Divine Mind. Divine Mind is Infinite Being—it is now, here, always. I exist in Divine Mind, as It does in me, united forever—One. It leads me to Itself through my consciousness of my Self: my consciousness of my Self, as Infinite Being, is Oneness with Divine Mind, is my Peace, is my Wholeness, is my Unity with All.

Reflection

Only 4 days left after today. How are you doing to finish this Journey? Are things coming together for you? Are you seeing connections with earlier parts of the Journey? If you are, great! If you are not, don’t worry. The Journey is and does what is meant to be and do. Remember that, as with a physical journey, you don’t always notice every step. Think of the last time you traveled more than 100 miles. Do you remember every moment? No…probably not. You remember the beginning, the end, and maybe some relevant parts of the middle, but mostly, you remember leaving and arriving. That’s sort of how it is with these Journeys. You begin; you end. And often, the end is a new beginning after all, because these Journeys track the ultimate journey of life. The “middle” of these Journeys can last a long time (at least they can for me, since I never really stop Journeying). So the changes come quietly and subtly. But then out of the blue, you will notice. And you’ll think, “huh, how about that? I don’t do that anymore”. Or “I’ve changed…”

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. “I’ve changed”. I am not the same person I was when I began these Journeys almost 5 years ago. But I can not for the life of me tell you exactly what is different. Somehow I am more patient, more observant, more attuned to people, more empathetic and responsive. These Journeys are not in your face. They are slow progressions that help you become aware of your own becoming, your own unfolding. Everyone is becoming and unfolding anyway…might as well be conscious of it, don’t you think?

With four days left to this Journey, I am not sure what I’ve accomplished. I’m not really sure where I’m at.

…So I just looked at what I wrote on the very first day of this Journey, the Why. Here is what I said:

40 days of nurturing and caring for myself, being gentle with myself, overlooking mistakes, giving myself some slack (not being so hard on myself (really, I need this)), and generally being Truly nice to (and patient with) myself, learning to be my Self.

Simple. No big hopes, dreams, or goals. No pressure. No expectations. Just nurturing and caring for myself and being gentle with myself…

And, you know what? That is what I have been doing. And it feels really weird.

Yesterday I wrote about my conflicts. Today, I was thinking about how indulgent I have let myself be since the beginning of June (ice cream, not working out, eating at restaurants more regularly, sloughing off work/responsibilites (that I impose on myself), having priorities that have to do with letting myself go to bed early and take naps. I have been behaving differently, as far as expectations, responsibilities, accomplishments, getting things done, etc.

When I wrote Yours in the Work, I was really feeling this– and I was really down on myself about it (so, not being so gentle with myself…that always needs work). Now I realize…

OMG… I have been doing exactly what I wrote/stated that I wanted to do on this Journey.  I just wasn’t paying enough attention, and therefore not cutting myself enough slack. I have been learning to be my Self, and dropping old identities, old ways of being, old expectations, old personas.

Who says I need to be responsible all the time? Who says I shouldn’t eat ice cream? Who says I need to work on “the next big thing”? These are just ideas that I have imposed on myself. And I can unimpose them.

Of course I might experience this as conflict, or as uncomfortable. It’s new to me! I don’t know who I am becoming. But if I am to begin to expand my awareness of who I am to coincide with how that Infinite and Eternal mind already Knows me–as Infinite and Eternal, then I have to go through some growing pains. (The bolded text is what I wrote on day 6 of this Journey, about this same Guiding Thought. Maybe everything does come together in the end.)

 

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