Walking Through Tar, Enjoying Food. -Healing (1.4.37)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
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Guiding Thought

Love is Wholeness. The essence of Love is Peace. The essence of Wholeness is Unity. My essence is Love, therefore, my essence is Peace; my essence is Unity. Since my essence is Unity, I share Love and Peace wholly. Knowing the Unity of Whole Love and Peace with All is the essence of holiness. I choose to be aware, to understand and to Know my Whole and Holy Self, which is Love.

Reflection

I am very thankful for wise friends.

As you probably are aware, we humans are not “just a body”. We are a mind, emotions, and a Soul, or Spirit. Each of these aspects of us receive and transmit energy, and we have an “energy field” for each of these aspects, often called an aura. Some people can sense the aura’s energy, some people can see it, some people can discern the very subtle variations between the mental aura, the emotional aura, the physical aura, and the spiritual, or etheric, aura.

Whether or not you are able to sense the energy, you are still receiving and transmitting it, and the energy is affecting you.

I am not currently able to sense energy fields to a large degree. To a small degree, yes–but I think of it more as empathy or simply paying attention to a person’s physical cues–so it may not be aura stuff. This is why I am thankful for wise friends, friends who have these perceptions, and can talk to me, support me, about energy stuff that is affecting me, but at such a subtle level I can’t explain it or wrap my head around it.

Through this Journey, I’ve been feeling mired down–not physically (my body feels good and energetic), not even emotionally (my emotions have been “normal” or “even”). The mire has been more mental and etheric (at least that is what I now understand after emailing with a wise-friend). He confirmed what I wrote about yesterday: that I am growing into something new, the old is out-of-place, and there are some expansion pains.

In this transition, I have not wanted to think (very unlike me); I have not wanted to do anything that requires mental effort. I have also not wanted to do many of my usual spiritual practices–they feel wrong. The only real spiritual practices that I have been doing are 1. this Journey (which has been difficult for me to delve into mentally/emotionally) 2. Baths (“Hara Ganga”!) 3. Fire. 4. physical work while trying to keep my mind on God 5. fasting one day per week. That’s it.

It seems like the physical practices are ones that I can do, but the mental/emotional practices feel like the spiritual equivalent of rubbing my palm with sandpaper–they just do not feel good.

My friend described feeling the energy like “walking through tar”. Everything is heavy, and slow. That’s how I feel. When a new self/new energy is emerging, it’s important to be patient, loving, and generous with yourself. That is pretty much what my goal was for this Journey. But at the beginning, I had no idea what I was getting myself in to!

He reminded me to “allow the disintegration” (of the lower/ego/selfish-self), and he recommended that, if I feel I need to, it’s okay to just stop doing my spiritual practices. He explained that sometimes, pushing oneself, only irritates the process and enrages (like adding fuel to a fire) those parts that are having “growing pains”.

This feels right to me, though I do not feel like I need to stop all my practices. I feel like I need to do the ones that feel ok–the physical practices. There have been many days over the past 6 weeks when I have been so comforted and relaxed doing the most mundane things, like laundry, mowing the yard, or dishes.

I have also really been enjoying eating (a very physical thing, though not generally a spiritual practice!). I know that sounds a bit odd, but it wouldn’t if you knew me: I don’t generally enjoy food. I am more utilitarian when it comes to food: I eat for nourishment. But this summer, I have been really enjoying food. And I’ve not given myself a hard time about it–I’ve been letting myself take pleasure in food. I am not sure how this fits with the transition, but I am ok with enjoying this lesson.