Wow! Just reading through 40 days of responses to Guiding Thoughts, it’s been quite a Journey. I feel like I’ve written a book. How does one “reflect” on a continuing Journey? I notice some things are consistent in my life. On Day 40 I wrote about clutter and promised myself to “work” on uncluttering my desk. That’s been a revealing process. First of all, in the car a couple days ago, I said to Steve “It’s going to take FOREVER!” And the proverbial light bulb flashed on as bright as the sun. While I do my best to speak from a positive place, this one slipped right out. Steve looked at me and suggested that that declaration could very well be why my desk has NEVER been uncluttered. So I reframed it to an intention to have the desk uncluttered before I leave for San Antonio later this month. This is not just getting the stacks of papers off the desk. It’s going through all files. My personal file was so full I could barely add another sheet of paper. I’m in process of culling that now. When my father left his home 3 years ago for assisted living, I assumed his files and his paperwork and bill paying. His files were not in good shape to begin with and 3 years of my haphazard habit of doing the bare minimum had taken its toll. Those files are not organized. After the files, there’s much more left to do – the 2 drawers in the desk that hold pens, paperclips, business cards and other riff-raff will also be culled. In reflecting on this process, and the process of downsizing Dad from a 3-bedroom home with two large sheds to the single room he resides in now, I decided to take steps in the direction of “minimalizing”. I just put a hold on a library book on “Swedish Death Cleaning”, hoping that I will learn some things, and not leave my son or whoever my survivor(s) may be to make sense out of chaos.
But, I’m off on a tangent. Reflecting on the Journey of Courage, I’ve learned that I’m much more courageous than I have been giving myself credit for. In some areas where I’ve retreated in recent years, I’ll be taking a more active role. I’ll be leading some guided meditations soon. I’ll be taking a more active role in a women’s group where I’ve been a rather passive member.
My “reflection” I’m discovering, is not so much a look back as it is a look forward. However, in culling my files, I found a copy of a letter I’d written more than 30 years ago. It was several pages of a soul-searching piece, which is why I kept a copy. The bottom line reads
“It is possible that this little spark of life in me—or the large spark of life that is this planet—could be snuffed out any second of any day. I’m determined to be ready with a smile on my face, thankful that I have loved well.” At the end of Day 27 of this Journey of Courage, I concluded “when I’m no longer in this physical form, I can think of only ONE thing I hope is said about Mary Wallace. “SHE LOVED WELL.”
I continue to believe our mission here, should we choose to accept it, is to learn to love well.
Thank you, Sus, for guiding me to rediscover, or rather, to reaffirm my commitment to learning to love.
I love you!
Journey of Beauty is now available as a free book.
You no longer need to wait for the Guiding Thoughts to be posted here daily–you may move at your own pace. This link will take you to the document in Dropbox; you may download it from there.
I accept donations and gifts via paypal: paypal.me/SusanBillmaier Thank you for the energy exchange!
Journey of Beauty Begins April 18!
I am happy to say there is another new Guest Blogger, who will be taking the Journey of Beauty here on this site! I will introduce her publicly soon… for those of you following along, here is the schedule:
Apr 18 Preliminary day Introduction: Why A Journey of Beauty (02.10.0)
Apr 19 Preliminary day Commitment and Dedication (02.10.00)
Apr 20 – 29 Days 01-10 Round One (02.10.01-10)
Apr 30 – May 9 Days 11-20 Round Two (02.10.11-20)
May 10 – 19 Days 21-30 Round Three (02.10.21-30)
May 20 – 29 Days 31-40 Round Four (02.10.31-40)
May 30 – June 8 Reflection days Gently care, de-fuse, and write one day of reflection on the Journey (02.10.41)