When you start any journey, you first do some things to get ready–like think about where you want to go, and how you might want to get there. The first two days of the WithPearls Consciousness Journeys are the preparation days: you set the tone, and prepare your mind for what you want to encounter and/or where you’d like to end up on this Journey. This day is like looking at the topography map of your mind, to plan for your Journey.

Today begin to think about why a Journey of Worth may be important. Today is not a day for answers; it’s a day for looking at what might be sought after, what might be achieved, and why those things might be important. This is the setting up the intention day.

Why?

If I had begun this Journey as scheduled, on April 16, my Why would have been very weak:
“Because this is just what I do…” (hear the complacent tone).
“Because it’s the next Journey, and I have to do it (because I have previously committed to it)…” (hear the slightly resentful, exasperated tone).
“Because now that I have a new direction for my Purpose, I need to find my worth in that…” (hear the obviousness and  lack of thought in that).

Really, I had not been able to come up with a real reason for myself about why Journey of Worth mattered at this time. Sometimes, I think I have worked through so much crap and embraced so much of my Higher Self that I should be done already, and on the other hand, that very thought tells me I have a long way to go (is this a new form of resistance?).

Delaying the first day of the Journey provided me with an opportunity to figure out that I need to get myself in gear and get working again.

I did some process exercise-questions to help me dig deep into why I really need to be serious about doing Journey of Worth. Some of the answers I came up with surprised me, and made me realize I still have crap to deal with.

“Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find
all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.”

It occurred to me (yet again), that the Journey is never-ending, that I am the only one responsible for finding and rooting out the limitations, obstacles, and barriers that (I and only I) have built against being the Love I AM.

It’s spring, and I’ve been gardening. Rooting out has a literal feel and sense to it for me now. Digging deeply. This is my work. It’s up to me.

So…the things that surprised me when I did the process-exercise-questions were:

1. I feel unsatisfied and impatient; that something is missing, and that I do not feel like I am whole, or enough.
2. When I looked at when and how I learned about my worthiness, I realized that I still have some young-Catholic-student issues to deal with. One of the nuns at my school was quite mean, and she took it out on me sometimes (I’m sure I was not the only one, but I wouldn’t have known that then). I don’t feel emotionally scarred or anything, but I definitely had some images and memories of being treated “less than” and “not worthy”.
3. Similarly, I found some mother-issues about how “worthy” I was(n’t).
4. The process-questions then turned to getting at when and how I feel worthy. I was surprised when a lot of my responses had to do with material comfort, taking care of others, and providing financial support to others. The feeling was, this is (the only time) when I am worthy. In other words, if I were not needed for my money, or my care-giving, I would not have any value.

Where did all this come from? How is it possible that even after having completed 3 previous Journeys of Worth that I still have this much crap to look at? And from wayy back as a child!?

This is where the rubber meets the road. Do I have a body? yes. Then I still have crap to deal with. There is no slacking; there is no giving up; there is no stopping until either I die, or I finish my 50 years of Journeys in 2068, or I become enlightened/ascended.

This is really good motivation to become enlightened/ascended sooner, that’s fer sure. Do I really have 48 more years of digging deeply and rooting out crap? Not if I ascend first!

Onward!

If you haven’t already, write your Why. What crap do you have lingering in the recesses of your mind? Root it out! Let’s do this.
Tomorrow will be the commitment and dedication.